I said to my dad: "I had to restart the computer, It was slow from being on all night.

his answer: I would be slow too.

👍︎ 13
💬︎
👤︎ u/Lollynl
📅︎ Jun 29 2014
🚨︎ report
Stupid computer!

I dropped my computer on my foot and now...

it megahertz. :D

👍︎ 5
💬︎
👤︎ u/capngloval
📅︎ Mar 17 2021
🚨︎ report
We need to uninstall 2020 and then try reinstalling it

The current version has a nasty virus

👍︎ 13k
💬︎
👤︎ u/zachmann99
📅︎ Mar 23 2020
🚨︎ report
My son was recording some audio for homework

Him: "Reasons that doing research underwater can be difficult include..."

Me (from my office): "the paper will get too wet!"

Him: "UGH!" stops and restarts recording

👍︎ 12
💬︎
📅︎ Nov 02 2020
🚨︎ report
So I had just finished my Data Visualisation assignment on Microsoft Excel when suddenly it crashed. I nearly shit me cacks when I realised I forgot to save it. Thanks be to jaysus the program restarted with my graph intact...

... Lads, I almost lost the plot.

👍︎ 3
💬︎
👤︎ u/pot8toes
📅︎ Oct 25 2017
🚨︎ report
Funny 'Dads Anonymous' story to share for the holiday weekend.

"Welcome everyone to Dads Anonymous. Again my name is Bill and you will notice that we have a new member, please welcome Gary -- Can you tell us what brought you to us today?"

"Well I have a very embarrassing confession. It's even hard to get the words out."

Bill reassures him, "We are all dads here and have been meeting for decades, we've been through all the highs and lows, births and deaths, tragedies, we've heard it all. Just tell us what's on your mind son, we are here to support each other."

"Well, a couple months ago, I broke both my legs in a motorcycle accident and couldn't walk, so I let my wife use the lawnmower." He says through the sobs...

Bob, one of the other dads, starts to get pale. "...and she didn't even cut it in a crisp geometric pattern, it was just random..." Bob starts to sweat and get dry heaves. "YOU BASTARD", he screams. "HOW COULD YOU LET THAT HAPPEN." The dads rise and get ready to beat the crap out of Gary, when Bill stands between them and breaks it up.

"Guys! Guys, we all get weak sometimes and things happen outside our control. Doug, you remember when you were in recovering from Chemo and you gave your wife a hammer, and she used it to hammer a roofing nail into the drywall to hang a picture!" Doug, looks down in shame, "Yes, that was a bad day, I was so weak. She missed the stud and left a dent in the wall, and she just hung the picture over it, crooked!" There was dead silence. "Thats ok Doug, it was twenty years ago, you were young and foolish, you can let it go". Then all the dads shook hands and sat back down.

Bill starts the meeting up again. Then Gary says, "..theres one more thing, Right after I got out of the hospital, she wanted to make a special dinner for us, so I let her grill the steaks..." "OH LORD THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING!" screams Dave, another dad, his face turning red. Gary continues "...she burnt them one one side and they were dry and chewy." Now there is a bedlam, one dad immediately passes out cold, chairs are thrown, broken bottles, Gary is on the ground being kicked in the ribs. After a few tense minutes Bill managed to get the dads off of Gary. "Stop it, Dave you're killing him. Come on, you remember that time you let your wife go to the repair shop for an oil change?" Dave hung his head, and muttered yeah. "They convinced her to change the cabin filter, wiper blades and the radiator collant..." Bill kept prodding "and, aaand" ...Dave broke down, "and she bought a jug of blinker fluid!" T

... keep reading on reddit ➡

👍︎ 3
💬︎
📅︎ May 24 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call someone who makes a lot of Dad jokes but doesn't have any kids?

A faux-pa.

👍︎ 3k
💬︎
📅︎ Aug 14 2017
🚨︎ report
Just got my daughter

My four year old was watching a Disney movie while I was in the kitchen. The app we use for Disney on the tv is horribly unreliable (Disney life on amazon firestick), randomly freezing or restarting whatever we're watching.

Anyway, I'm scoffing a cake I don't want her to have when I hear a shout.

"Daddy, the film is frozen."

I go through, look at the TV and tell her "No it's not, that's Moana."

I think it's the first time she's both gotten one of my jokes and appreciated how crap it is. Her eye roll and "ugh" brought a tear to my eye.

👍︎ 155
💬︎
📅︎ Apr 20 2019
🚨︎ report
These Android OS names...

Husband tried to upgrade his OS today but it was stuck at 23% for a while. I told him to restart.

Him: It's taken 45 minutes to put Marshmallow on there.

Me: Guess you gotta wait s'more.

Him: (that groan I know so well)

👍︎ 5
💬︎
📅︎ Mar 11 2016
🚨︎ report
My first dad joke

Just dropped my first DJ My friend said "I'm having to restart my computer, driver issues" so I replied "you should try your putter instead" KABLAMYWAMY

👍︎ 6
💬︎
👤︎ u/robthevoid
📅︎ Aug 16 2015
🚨︎ report
Every morning when I was in grade school my Dad would blast this song NONSTOP.

Good morning good morning good morning! Everytime the song would restart the complaining from me and my brothers would be drowned out by the laughter of my Dad.

👍︎ 9
💬︎
👤︎ u/voxon2
📅︎ Mar 25 2014
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.