A list of puns related to "Red Skelton"
To build up my spirits he said, โNow, anything can affect your eye. Most anything. Like Iโve got one patient who lost an eye drinking coffee.โ
I said, โLost an eye drinking coffee?โ
He said, โYeah, he forgot to take the spoon out of the cup.โ
http://red-skelton.info/articles/jokes/red-skeltons-eye-exam/
From comedian and film star ย Red Skelton:
โExercise? I get it on the golf course.
When I see my friends collapse, I run for the paramedics. โ
Algy and the Bear, a poem recited in Ziegfeld Follies by Red Skelton using his J. Newton Numbskull character:
>Algy saw a bear,
The bear saw Algy,
The bear was bulgy,
The bulge was Algy!
Red Skelton: ย Heathcliff and Gertrude are flying along when all of the sudden an airplane goes whizzing by .
Gertrude says to Heathcliff, ยยGood heavens! Did you see how fast that bird was going? ยย
Heathcliff says, ยยSo what? If your tail feathers were on fire, youโd be going that fast too! ยย
Lady: Iโm a performer.
Red Skelton: Whatโs your forte?
Lady: Pardon?
Red Skelton: Your forte.
Lady: No, Iโm only 39.
Many years ago, ย Red Skelton ย told the following joke using his inebriate character, Willie Lump Lump.
Willie explained to the young lady, โI keep a mongoose in my coat pocket. ย That way, when I go home after drinking, and there are snakes all over the lawn of my yard, I let the mongoose loose and he kills them all, so itโs safe for me to enter the house.โ
The young woman sadly tried to explain, โIโve got news for you, Mr. Lump Lump, those snakes are imaginary!โ
Willie Lump Lump replied, โIโve got news for ย you, so is the mongoose!โ
http://red-skelton.info/articles/jokes/willie-lump-lump-and-the-mongoose/
Two guys at the funny farm. One guy says, โWe can get out of here.โ
The other guy says, โWe can?โ
He says, โYes.โ
The other guy says, โHow?โ
The first guy says, โIโve got a big flashlight. Tonight weโll come out to the wall, Iโll throw the light up against the wall, and you climb up the beam.โ
The guy says, โYou really think Iโm nuts, donโt you? I know what youโd do! Iโd get halfway up, youโd shut it off!โ
(Editorโs note: Batman fans will recognize this as the final joke in The Killing Joke).
http://red-skelton.info/articles/jokes/two-guys-at-the-funny-farm/
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