Reclamation Street Puns

Ya basta de que esto me siga atormentando, tengo que sacarlo ya de una vez. Me ha estado carcomiendo por dentro, ya no aguanto mas. Este sera el ultimo año en el que sigo cargando con esto. NO MAS!!!

Allá por el 2005, cuando mis papás decidieron regresar a vivir a Mexico, yo, un morrito de tan solo 12 años, con muchos sueños y aspiraciones a una nueva vida, se corrompió al llegar a estas tierras asperas y frias. El dicho "el que no tranza, no avanza" empezo a hacer eco en mi cabeza desde que lo escuché salir de la boca de un primo, 1 años mayor que yo, en una de esas reuniones familiares que tuvimos de bienvenida.

Empece a cuestionarme el significado del dicho, ya que, el poco español que aprendi al estar en el gabacho, no daba para entender la profundidad y la frialdad de esas palabras.

Pasaron dias y mi primo, esta vez en una visita que el y mis tios tuvieron a la casa, mientras jugabamos San Andreas en el PS2, empezaba a lanzarme preguntas como "apoco no esta chipeada la play?", "estan muy caros los juegos originales, no?" y una sarta de cosas que, para ser honesto, no entendia. Me explico brevemente pero con la intencion de venderme su idea. Cual? Vender mis juegos y con esa lana chipear mi PS2, comprar los mismos juegos piratas y hasta mas, y al mismo tiempo ahorrar feria.

Domingo, ya el siguiente dia, despues de ver el aburridisimo programa de Chabelo mientras almorzaba quesadillas junto a mi primo... Ah, es que en esa visita mi primo se habia quedado a hacer pijamada, entonces la amanecio ahi conmigo jugando al PS2 y cotorreando... bueno, despues de almorzar me dice que ahi por la casa habia un vato que se ponia en su cochera con maquinitas y con 3 televisiones, cada una equipada con una consola diferente: el cubo, el xbox y la play, y que las rentaba por hora y que ademas hacia compra-venta y cambio de juegos. Total, nos esperamos hasta las 3 mas o menos, que era la hora en la que abria.

Cuanto quieres por estos? Le pregunta el Neto a mi primo. El Neto era el wey de los juegos, un cabron de unos 30 años aprox, tipica facha de gamer, pero buena onda. Mi primo con 3 juegos en la mano: el San Andreas, el Tekken 4 y el Fifa Street, le dice, dame 1000 por los 3. El Neto se rie y dice, te doy 800 si quieres o te los cambio por otros sin costo. Mi primo en desacuerdo le dice, te los cambio por la instalacion del chip en un PS2 y una diferencia de feria. A lo que yo le hago una replica a su respuesta y le digo *son copias americanas, v

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"Whatever it takes, whatever it costs me, no matter what, I'll do what I must for you."

"But you might get killed."

"I know." - Dambree Limberton, Year Zero, First Invasion of Hesstla, from "Bloody Ears" documentary

Dambree opened her eyes and realized she had somehow gotten to her feet, her brush blade in her hand, wobbling slightly as she held the blade in guard position and her hand was on her magac pistol, trying to tug it free despite the fact that safety was engaged on the locking holster.

"Yer a pistol," the Devil said. She was leaning against the door, a cigarette in her mouth, completely naked.

"Where are we?" Dambree slurred, still trying to remember how and why she was in a hexagonal chamber. A brown skinned woman was raising her head from where she was sitting on the floor, knees in front of her face, arms around her legs. Beads and superconductor wiring clicked as she shook her head.

"That was unpleasant," Menhit said as she slowly got up. She moved over and checked on the careworn male Terran who looked exhausted even in his sleep. "Petey's still out."

"He'll be fine," the Devil said. She looked at Dambree. "That's hard to explain. We're in mat-trans station Alpha-Sigma. We're less than a mile from our goal. It's dark out, the fusion generators above us in fuel reclamation mode."

Dambree nodded, then went down on one knee, her hands around the hilt of the brush blade as she began reciting a short prayer for strength and courage.

"I don't remember it hurting that bad," the male Terran, Pete AKA Marco, said softly. He looked around. "Auxiliary mat-trans Alpha-Sigma. It's only supposed to be used for emergency services."

The Devil nodded, smiling. "Because of that, it has an emergency access port, which is how Howdy-Doody and Tweedle-Dee managed to get in to it the first time. Howdy-Doody's probably every cybersecurity specialists worst nightmare but a South Korean would run roughshod over him in about ninety seconds in an are-tee-ess then mock him with repeating kek."

Pete nodded, wiping the blood from under his nose. "I understood everything but the last part."

The Devil shrugged. "I'm old, so my references are old. Remind me to tell you about th

Since California has minimal water saving infrastructure locations, ponds, reclamation areas... let's all try to save what we can at each of our homes and businesses.. hear me out....

While it might seem that your lawn and open space areas are saturated, if you use a pitchfork or move away a few inches of top soil, you'll see that the soil below isn't really absorbing the water.Most likely it's too compacted, clay composite, wrong composts or dead roots have impacted it.

I'd like to encourage people to try and open up some space for the rain to absorb deep into your soil and not just run off to the street. You can use a pitchfork to break up old compacted root areas, or loosen some space in dead spots that have been compacted, or put out a few buckets to try and save some run off for later... after all we're still in a drought state even though it's raining now...

I know I'll probably get a lot of push back -- I normally do, but I'd like to encourage people to help in any way they can. Thanks!

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

Do your worst!

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

It really does, I swear!

They’re on standbi

Pilot on me!!

My Patreon page: http://www.patreon.com/hewholooksskyward

Link to the Wiki page, with additional links to Clan information and background Lore.

First I Previous I Next

Chapter 25: The Heart Of The Matter

The plan we finally came up with had to be, without a doubt, the most outlandish, overly complicated, and contrived Rube Goldberg-esque escape plan in the history of the Perseus Arm. It was no wonder I’d missed it on my first pass, and why the Eleexx had never considered it as a potential security threat. Only someone with a deeply skewed view of the universe could have conceived it… and if that doesn’t describe us Terrans down to a “T”, I don’t know what does.

Only I would have missed it completely, had it not been for Raven’s contribution. Even now, as I gaze at her, I don’t know what I’m looking at. I’m starting to believe she’s no longer a mere simulacrum, and I don’t know what to make of that. My recent experience with the Yīqún has reinforced in my mind the dangers of Artificial Intelligence, and I won’t lie, the possibility she’s headed down that path terrifies me. If that’s the case, however, I’m not sure what I can do about it. I mean, I already tried killing her once, and just ended up embarrassing myself.

But she also saved me, both in that desperate fight and by healing me afterwards, using some method I still hadn’t determined. I don’t claim to be an expert on the subject, merely well informed, so perhaps I’m mistaken… but my gut says otherwise. Something’s different about her, and I don’t know what to make of it. I mean, she glowed. You explain that. I certainly can’t.

At the moment, however, I had bigger issues to deal with, like escaping. The plan Raven and I had hammered out looked good on paper, but it also had at least half a dozen built in failure points along the way. The good news was that if it failed, the odds were good that the Eleexx would not recognize it as an attempted escape triggered by cybernetic personalities hidden within their own computer network. The bad news was that we were rapidly running out of time. If they hadn’t discovered our removal of a key component to their security setup, they would shortly, and once that happened, our days were numbered.

So… the plan.

It all started with a janitorial bot. The Eleexx used them throughout the facili

Nothing, he was gladiator.

Author u/damnuchucknorris

Part 1: Prequel to the Big Dip

Abstract

I hope to get the reader an example of how Wall Street was able to crush (retail) the 99% during the Great Recession. Even though they didn’t have solid claims bound to mortgages that they issued. And how this time all shareholders of Gamestop are facing the same thing with a minor difference. I have created this paper as a high school compare and contrast essay including what happened with the Great Recession including causes and effects and contrasting it with what is happing present-day with Gamestop and how the general public is being strung along. Most sources are primary in nature and taken mainly from Too Big To Fail & Chain of Title. There are also a few pictures included for the smoothies.

Let me tell you a story about the 2008 housing crisis and now;

I need to take you back to the 1950s when a WWII vet who became a title officer noticed flaws in the Florida mortgage system that took decades to sort out. As a lawyer he wrote the rules for legal practice & procedure in the state, hoping to avoid the mess in the future. When the Savings & Loan scandal ended in the 1990’s Congress ended up creating the Resolution Trust Corporation, which took over all the banks & their mortgages and allowed the homeowners a path towards continuing their mortgage in the name of stability. It allowed banks to get rid of their toxic assets. The state of Georgia saw it in 2002 tried to pass a law for the people & the entire industry turned on them S&P and Moody’s refused to rate securities backed by loans from the state. In 2004 the FBI warned of a mortgage fraud epidemic. “If fraudulent practices became systemic within the mortgage industry. It will ultimately place financial institutions at risk and have adverse effects on the stock market” Chris Swecker. Before every recession happens they always say, “it’s different this time.” Jean-Baptiste Alphonse Karr says “The more things change, the more they stay the same.” I will show you how everything is different this time but it’s really the same.

David Einhorn called out fraud on Allied Capital. How did the SEC respond? They investigated him & eventually never found any wrongdoing. But the damage was already done as his wife was fired from her position as a journalist just by being married to him. These people have no conscience when attacking someone through any proxy. It’s ok because Einhorn kept p

Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.

This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.

If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.

Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.

What did 0 say to 8 ?

" Nice Belt "

So What did 3 say to 8 ?

" Hey, you two stop making out "

First Chapter

Previous Chapter

Next Chapter

“We need to get you to Medical right now.” I say trying, and failing to pull Snow up. He was surprisingly dense. He looks at his arm and after pulling away the blood soaked rag, examines the wound.

“Just get me to my ship.” he grumbles tossing the rag away leaving a suspiciously lightly bleeding wound.

At that moment the security team returned.

“Three of them, they had some armour so they took a while to bring down.” the team leader from before reports.

“Ok.” I reply before realising that im their current superior officer, i'm just a security officer. Not some soldier. Wait, shit they’re security too just. Well actual security.

“Uhh two of you with me, this guy’s non standard, we’ll escort him to his ship for medical. Everyone else, keep this terminal secure.” I order them.

Two officers come forwards, one heaves Snow by his good arm whilst the other takes point. As a four we head down a docking tube to the bay snow indicates and the two guards leave us at the ship's door, when Snow said the ship was salvaged he wasn't lying.The ship was a wielded concoction of at least three ships, an eagle nosed two person cockpit was attached to a bulky box shaped body with a pair of gun turrets protruding from the top and bottom and the engine unit was related to neither being a long winged tri-engine setup clearly meant for speed. The airlock was on the box section and led into a cramped but functional living space, a ladder leading up and down into the turret maintenance rooms with bulkheads separating the engine and cockpit.

Other than that there was a clear plastic chest of wrapped self heating meals. A water recycler, another clear chest filled with salvaged tech and finally a suit of armour that looked like a primitive tribal outfit more than a space age tech armor, it would have fooled me if it wasn't for the gauntlet faintly glowing with idle plasma lines, or some other power source.

“Nice suit.” I mutter.

“An outfit from a previous lifetime.” Snow replies, stripping off his bloody jacket and shirt. He shoves aside one of the chests revealing a cubbyhole in the floor, with his good arm he opens it up revealing an ancient auto doc. “I’d like you to leave, come by in… 3 cycles?”

“A cycle is a standard lakstan year. You mean

I won't be doing that today!

[Removed]

This morning, my 4 year old daughter.

Daughter: I'm hungry

Me: nerves building, smile widening

Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.

She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.

Thank you all for listening.

You take away their little brooms

There hasn't been a post all year!

Why

It’s pronounced “Noel.”

When I got home, they were still there.