Build a man a fire and heβll be warm for a nightβ¦.
Set a man on fire and heβll be warm for the rest of his life.
π︎ 1k
π
︎ Jul 09 2021
I went to the shooting range for the first time, but I couldnβt get my gun to fire
I had to read the trouble shooting section in the manual
π︎ 29
π
︎ Dec 29 2020
My friend was bragging that his new 3D printer can print a gun.
Big deal. I have had a Canon printer for years.
π︎ 13k
π
︎ Apr 23 2021
So we all know that you find H2O inside a fire hydrant, but what do you find on the outside of a fire hydrant?
π︎ 7k
π
︎ May 18 2021
His gun fires bullets imprinted with "Dumbass"
π︎ 29
π
︎ Aug 24 2020
I got fired from Subway yesterday for accidentally giving a customer the incorrect sandwich
π︎ 345
π
︎ Jun 15 2021
I'm getting the pun gun
π︎ 11
π
︎ Jul 09 2021
Did you know Bruce Lee has a faster older brother?
π︎ 9k
π
︎ Jul 02 2021
I've asked so many people what LGBTQ stands for
So far nobody has given me a straight answer
π︎ 7k
π
︎ Jul 04 2021
What is the correct ratio of gun powder to essential oils?
I want this bath bomb to be perfect.
π︎ 42
π
︎ Jul 05 2021
I buy all my guns from a guy who calls himself "T-Rex."
He's a small arms dealer.
π︎ 1k
π
︎ May 18 2021
Who does their Job only after they are fired?
π︎ 55
π
︎ Jul 07 2021
My grandfather always said "Don't be so quick to find faults."
Wonderful man, terrible geologist.
π︎ 184
π
︎ Jun 09 2021
Here's a joke my daughter just told me, so proud of her! A guy walked into a house when the owners were home. He pulled out a gun and shot them in the head, but no one died. Why not?
Because they were in the living room.
π︎ 13
π
︎ Jul 03 2021
I got fired at the bank today...
An elderly woman came in and asked me to check her balance.
So I pushed her over.
π︎ 147
π
︎ Jun 11 2021
Everyone gets the day off on the 4th of July. But not fire.
π︎ 30
π
︎ Jul 07 2021
Saw the trailer for the new Top Gun movie
It looked kinda plane to me
π︎ 28
π
︎ Jun 26 2021
Why do guns only work when they are fired.
Please help. I am tired but I can't fall asleep. I need the ultimate answer.
π︎ 10
π
︎ May 10 2020
I have just been firing my laser gun in a church.
π︎ 23
π
︎ Jan 30 2018
I just got fired from my job as a set designer.
I left without making a scene.
π︎ 136
π
︎ Jun 25 2021
Fire in the hole!
π︎ 8
π
︎ Jun 10 2021
I got fired from my job as a urologist.
I got bad ratings from my peers.
π︎ 27
π
︎ Jun 24 2021
The gun actually goes off in the 2nd...
π︎ 1k
π
︎ Apr 16 2021
I had to fire the guy I hired to mow my lawn...
π︎ 36
π
︎ Jun 20 2021
I got fired today because a customer wanted to buy a bagel with cream cheese....
I told them we only accept cash.
π︎ 3k
π
︎ Apr 14 2021
I just got fired from a job where I made six figures last year.
They said I was the worst employee at the toy factory.
π︎ 481
π
︎ May 19 2021
I got fired from my job at the juice factory
I just couldnβt concentrate
π︎ 82
π
︎ Jun 06 2021
What do you call a cephalopod that likes guns?
π︎ 13
π
︎ Jul 01 2021
What do you call a seamstress who gets your clothes to you very quickly?
π︎ 11
π
︎ Jul 07 2021
I just got fired, and as severance, my company gave me a bag of used coffee.
They said it was grounds for termination.
π︎ 9k
π
︎ Feb 25 2021
Someone fired a gun into my phone
π︎ 23
π
︎ Feb 21 2020
My ex-wife called to tell me that βmy sonβ was arrested for setting a house on fire.
π︎ 43
π
︎ Jun 17 2021
Did you hear about the mechanic who got fired from the garage?
Apparently he had very poor motor skills.
π︎ 13
π
︎ Jun 23 2021
Got fired out of calendar factory...
Just because I took a day off...
π︎ 29
π
︎ Jun 07 2021
Why did the cross eyed teacher get fired?
He couldn't control his pupils.
π︎ 94
π
︎ May 24 2021
What do you call two fire's fighting?
π︎ 9
π
︎ Jun 30 2021
A fire has broken out in an aromatherapy candle factory.
The police have described the situation as calm. Very calm.
π︎ 10
π
︎ Jul 09 2021
Whats similar between a bag of chips and a gun?
When you pull them out suddenly everyone wants to be your friend. (My daughter sent me this joke)
π︎ 26
π
︎ Jun 05 2021
A friendly of mine got fired from the perfume factory for failing to turn up for work.
His boss said keeping him on made no scents.
π︎ 9
π
︎ Jul 09 2021
I've been fired from my job for putting in too many shifts
Keyboard manufacturing isn't as easy as you think
π︎ 11
π
︎ Jul 06 2021
I started to make a sauce for dinner and as I added a thickening agent, it all came together too quickly...
I suffered from premature coagulation.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jun 26 2021
David Tennant doesnβt get fired
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jun 18 2021
When you fire a Laser gun
https://imgur.com/gallery/TMpi7zN
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jul 02 2020
Nice job doggo
π︎ 5k
π
︎ Jun 05 2021
I just got fired from the football factory
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jul 07 2021
A kid lights his house on fire.
Dad: putting arm around his wife, both tearing up That's arson!
π︎ 10
π
︎ Jun 24 2021
I went to the shooting range for the first time and couldnβt get my gun to fire.
Now I have to read the trouble shooting section in the manual.
π︎ 11k
π
︎ Apr 28 2019
I got fired from my job at the bank the other day
An old lady asked me to check her balance...so I pushed her over.
π︎ 71
π
︎ Jul 02 2021
Why doesnβt Fire like Independence Day?
Because Fire works on the 4th of July
π︎ 81
π
︎ Jul 02 2021
If H20 is on the inside of a fire hydrant, whatβs on the outside?
π︎ 911
π
︎ Mar 14 2021
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
