Hospital Visit

A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read, 'Keep off the grass.' Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said.

Sorry, had to mow the lawn.'

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hayeshilton
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you call someone who makes a lot of puns:

A PUNk.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/killertjed
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Where did Sid Vicious like to read books?

In a punk rocker.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Joesdad65
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2020
🚨︎ report
I saw some kids dressed "steam punk" today.

In their defense, it is the healthiest way to serve punk.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FaceInTheCloudz
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Pun-ishing rant to those who think puns aren't funny, for them to use as an example.

I wanna punt all the spunky diction pundits, that attempt to expunge the joy from punsters, right in their puny footballs. They're punks who attempt to puncture holes in our word play, finding it punitive to their, self described, punticulously crafted humor. The pungent smell of their looming punishment is in the air . Now is the punctual time to place the punctuation on this punchline.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RickToThaDiculous
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call a punk band full of dads.

Pop punk.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/onthedown_lough
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2018
🚨︎ report
Expensive beverages

I just saw this guy pay $1,000 for a beverage steeped in footware by a leather-wearing, mohawked, heavily-pierced man in a dark, narrow, side-street.

I guess he really values punk-shoe-alley-tea.

πŸ‘︎ 40
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jabonko
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2015
🚨︎ report
Where do local delinquents stay for October

Punk-inn.

Like pumpkin.

I'll go sit down...

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2018
🚨︎ report
How do you call a hardcore punner?

A punk

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/punny_boo_boo
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2017
🚨︎ report
Need help coming up with a punny Murder Mystery title

I'm planning a murder mystery game (you know, where everyone has a character and whatever) and they always have pun titles, but I'm stuck.

It's set in the future, in a semi-dystopian steam punk-inspired kinda setting. A scientist was murdered, while doing research into a new drug that would have had questionable effects on society. I know it's not much to go by, but any ideas?

EDIT: thanks heaps everyone! You guys are awesome!

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cptnPluto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2013
🚨︎ report
Need A Pun Joke! Going to be in a spelling bee, need a name.

I figured who better to ask about a silly pun than the good folks over here at /r/dadjokes? I'm going to be in a spelling bee and I need a good name that matches up with a good costume theme. To give examples these are my two previous iterations:

"Punktuation" - Dressed as punk rockers

"Bee Me Up, Scotty!" - Dressed as Star Trek officers

If anyone has a good idea let me know and I will post pics from the event on October 24th. If you don't care to help then...umm...continue being dads.

EDIT FOR CLARITY: People are making some great suggestions for names, but I should have clarified that this is for a team of 3 people. So proper names are not really going to work...stick to the format I have described in this post!

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sexpressed
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2015
🚨︎ report
My wife dropped this old standby while trying to get our one year old to sleep last night.

Wife: "Your little punk son is resisting arrest!" Me: crickets

About five minutes later

Me: "OH! Resisting a-REST! Hahahaha! I get it. Wife: "I was wondering how long that would take."

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bokanovsky_Jones
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2015
🚨︎ report
The Summer Food Fight

I was in my young punk phase, couldn't have been more than 13, and I was at a friend's house for a pool day. Being the little shit that I was, I started a fight with my buddy just to start one. The fight escalated to the point where we were throwing oranges at each other from the yard. The fruit trees were very special to my friend's Dad, and I knew this. The fight got out of hand and the oranges were everywhere. This was bad. I ended up running away.

Of course I got in trouble and the next day I had to return to clean up. I was terrified. I mean, my friend's Dad was always a nice guy, but I'd never seen him this pissed... We destroyed his prized trees! I had no idea what I was walking into. I went up to the door, rang the bell and braced myself for the worst. My friend's Dad opened the door with a smirk on his face and said: "Orange you glad to be here?"

Somehow I knew the joke gave him greater satisfaction than having his oranges back. From that day forward I respected the shit out of that backyard.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/t3rces
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2014
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.