Prison van and a cement truck got in an accident on the highway today.
Police issue statement: be on the lookout for hardened criminals.
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︎ Jan 03 2022
Iβm working on a study that measures the effectiveness of using different kinds of knives to cut pumpkin stems from plants grown in prisons.
Itβs cutting-edge stem cell research.
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︎ Oct 28 2021
Iβm thinking of starting a charity to provide books to prisoners, but I canβt decide what to call it
β¦ Iβm considering βProse and Consβ
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︎ Aug 16 2021
Are you allowed to send an email to a friend in prison?
you can do that, but you are not allowed to attach a file.
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︎ Dec 14 2021
Just found out my stuttering Cousin died in prison
Damn, he couldnβt even finish his sentence
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︎ Dec 05 2021
R. Kelly was granted a transfer from prison in Chicago to Brooklyn in order to participate in their auto mechanics apprenticeship program.
His lawyer stated that this rehabilitation program was best suited for Mr. Kelly given his lifelong fascination with Piston Heads.
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︎ Jan 06 2022
Fans of the original Star Wars trilogy threatened to boycot episode 1 in theaters.
It was a huge fandom menace.
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︎ Nov 14 2021
Who is the Dumbest Wookiee in Star Wars?
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︎ Jan 18 2022
I got sentenced to life in prison for cutting off an animalβs limbs.
Iβm confused, I thought I had the right to bear arms.
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︎ Oct 30 2021
Itβs kind of sad that Christianity, Judaism, and Islam have been fighting each other for centuries.
Hindus, on the other hand, never had any beef.
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︎ Apr 14 2021
A reformed cow serial-killer is released from prison and vows to make something of his life. Haunted by his cruelty to livestock, he decides to go to college and join a fraternity to engage in community service. Only no fraternity will accept him because his past. None, except one.
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︎ Aug 25 2021
In the next Star Wars movie, the Sith will be led by clones of the princess.
It will be a multi-Leia-ed story.
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︎ Oct 10 2021
Why didn't the stuttering prisoner get out of jail?
B-b-b-b-because he couldn't finish his sentence
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︎ Sep 08 2021
There are 10 kinds of people in this world.
Those who understand binary, and those who donβt.
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︎ Jan 17 2022
Did you know R2D2 was the rudest character of the star wars series....
They bleeped out everything he said!
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︎ Dec 12 2021
How do you measure the magnitude of the pun in a dad joke?
With a sighsmograph
Edit: Wow, you guys, Thank-you the the awards and upvotes. If only my family appreciated this joke as much as you do!
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︎ Jan 03 2022
Whoβs the most popular country music singer in Star Wars?
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︎ Dec 27 2021
My cat just got out of prison.
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︎ Oct 16 2021
IKEA has been accused of evading over $500 million in taxes. Apparently, prosecutors have been after them for years, but they're having a really hard time...
...putting their case together.
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︎ Dec 30 2021
What was the name of Palpatine's special dish at the Star Wars themed restaurant??
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︎ Nov 03 2021
My friends and I were at Disney world and wanted to eat somewhere, and one of them suggested Star Wars
But that was in a Galaxy Far Far Away
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︎ Dec 03 2021
Did you hear about the art expert that broke his friend out of prison?
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︎ Oct 07 2021
I only believe in 12.5% of the Bible.
Because I am an eighth-theist.
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︎ Jan 13 2022
So I hired this dude to count people in the Bible for me. How many Noah's are there. How many Moseses. That sort of thing. Well, today, he stopped about halfway through. I'm sad to say that I had to let him go.
I mean, he only had one Job.
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︎ Dec 08 2021
What do you call a pea that snuck out of prison?
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︎ Jul 05 2021
I tried to contact my cousin in prison...
but he has no cell service.
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︎ Aug 25 2021
Rudolph Hess was in prison with Hitler, and helped edit the future-fuhrer's book Mein Kampf...
thus making Hess the world's first grammar nazi.
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︎ Oct 04 2021
The potatoes suffered heavy casualties in the first battle of the vegetable wars
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︎ Jul 01 2021
What language do people speak in the middle of the earth?
π︎ 402
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︎ Jan 01 2022
I saw on Reddit that 30 percent of people allow their pets to sleep in bed with them. I decided to try it...
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︎ Dec 14 2021
I was standing naked in front of the mirror this morning and thought...
I'm going to get kicked out of this IKEA.
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︎ Jan 01 2022
I just got offered a job teaching literature in prison.
Spent all night thinking about the prose and cons.
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︎ Jul 28 2021
Authorities are searching for a four-foot tall woman who recently escaped from prison in upstate New York. She was serving a five year sentence for fraud after convincing a number of victims that she was a powerful psychic.
Now she's a small medium at large.
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︎ Nov 25 2020
Just for star wars people... what's the normal temperature of a tauntaun?
π︎ 337
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︎ Aug 01 2021
Man who runs in front of car gets tired, but man who runs behind car getsβ¦
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︎ Jan 07 2022
My friend was released from prison on parole and as community service, he had to paint the local Catholic church confession booths a shade of green...
It was a tone mint for his crimes.
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︎ Aug 19 2021
What weapon does a sheep use in prison?
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︎ Aug 29 2021
Every day, a doctor would go to the same bar and order a chestnut daiquiri. One day, the bartender ran out of chestnut and used hickory instead. The doctor came in, sipped it, and exclaimed, βEw! What is this?!β. The bartender replied:
βThatβs a hickory daiquiri, doc!β
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︎ Nov 09 2021
Thinking of having my ashes stored in a glass urn.
π︎ 1k
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︎ Dec 21 2021
In the Seine-et-Marne region of France you can bail yourself out of prison using cheese
It's called playing the 'Get out of jail Brie card'
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︎ Jan 31 2021
Courtesy of my 7 year old- What is a cow's favorite subject in school?
Math, because it gets to use its cow-culator!
I am so proud, haha, she got a chuckle with that one!
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︎ Dec 11 2021
Iβm a little jelly we canβt all bring in this kind of dough
π︎ 2k
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︎ Nov 17 2021
During the war, grandfather served in the Signal Corps, training carrier pigeons.
He was promoted to Squab Leader.
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︎ Nov 12 2021
Going to be a father in May so Iβm practicingβ Why did the duck get kicked out of class?
For quacking jokes
EDIT: this joke did wayyy better than I expected lol. Thank you all for the words of encouragement, awards, and corny jokes to follow up! Iβm excited to make my family cringe for years to come
π︎ 8k
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︎ Oct 11 2021
Whatβs the internal temperature of a TawnTawn on Hoth ? (Star Wars)
π︎ 14
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︎ Oct 08 2021
So I just found out that Chad Kroeger from Nickelback, loves to taking part in Nativity plays. Heβs been a shepherd, the inn keeper and one year, he even played the rear end of the donkey...
But he never made it as a wise man
π︎ 1k
π
︎ Dec 02 2021
Islam, Judaism, and Christianity have been in conflict with each other for centuries.
Hindus, on the other hand, never had any beef.
π︎ 29
π
︎ Mar 02 2021
There are 10 types of people in this world...
Those that understand binary and those that don't.
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︎ Jan 15 2022
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