Why did Karen press CTRL + ALT +DEL?
She wanted the task manager
A press conference was held with the lead of the school's administration about bullying
He said it has to be stopped, it's a matter of principal
He should have dated Miss Universe
You'd be hard-pressed to find good cider in this town.
Why did they build the university on a mountain?
It was a place of higher learning.
I hope that the universe keeps on expanding forever so all the heat runs out some day. It means that eventually things are gonna be 0 K
Have you heard the news that Liberty University is suing the founder’s son and former university president?
That Jerry doesn’t Fall Well.
In an alternate universe, Hercules was a girl.
First time I bought a universal remote....
....I said to myself, "This changes everything."
Gravity is one of the most fundamental forces in the universe. What do you get when you remove it?
I was going to join the debating team at University...
But I was talked out of it.
I was watching Across the Universe and got thinking about how much each actor made
I’m sure Dr. Robert did it pro Bono, though.
What do you call a neon sheep in the Star Wars universe?
Why did the popcorn want to press charges?
Because it was a-salt-ed!
Why is it a bad idea to iron a four leaf clover?
Because you shouldn't press your luck!
I got arrested at NASA.
I didn't understand the gravity of the situation.
Edit: thanks for the awards, kind strangers!
Gamora: "I am going to die surrounded by the biggest idiots in the galaxy."
Tae Kwon Donkey (The Ass that kicks back) And Crab Maga (The Krav Maga crab that doesn’t just talk crab, he backs it up). Figured this community of punsters would appreciate the universe we are creating on Patreon.
reddit.com/gallery/lgzbtq
Why did the marsupial go to university?
I went to University to study to be a doctor.
Unfortunately, I had to drop out. I just didn't have the patients.
When I went to university in the early 80's I decided to do my thesis on procrastination.
I guess I should really get around to starting it.
I don't know why I'm so afraid of pressing buttons.
I just can't put my finger on it.
One of my fathers last wishes was to have his ashes pressed into a record....
It was his vinyl request.
Dad to Son: "Have you heard about the new online game that's just been released that's heaps popular and getting a lot of press?
Son: "What's it called?"
Dad: "Month."
Son: "Huh?"
Dad: "Apparently it's twice as good as Fortnite".
At the end of the physics lecture, I asked my professor, “What happened before The Big Bang?”
He said, “Sorry. There is no Time.”
Tell a man there are three hundred billion stars in the universe, and he believes you.
Tell him a bench has wet paint on it, and he has to touch it to be sure.
I heard Frozen University is banning anyone who got the COVID vaccine from returning for the spring quarter
I guess if you get vaccinated you won’t be headed to the ICU.
How do you describe bench-press obsessed army boys insulting each other while they're being shot at?
Chest nuts roasting in open fire
Four Seasons Total Lawn Care created some good ones after the bizarre press conference Saturday such as "Lawn and Order" and "Make America Rake Again" - I don't see them using this one on their promotional materials though:
What did the bull say to his son leaving for university?
If M&M's go to university....
Constitutional rights at stake.
Does France ban any activities for its universal healthcare?
I can't imagine the Pierre pressure it would cause...
I always love pressing F5 on my keyboard.
What is capital city of universe
I read a press release from Heinz saying: "We will never make a Bolognese version of our Alphabetti Spaghetti.
I thought, Blimey. They don't mince their words.
After achieving universal peace, the Guardians of the Galaxy settled down and opened a floor tile business.
I called my wife 'Miss Universe' last night.
"Is it because I'm so beautiful?" she asked
"NO, It's because you're constantly expanding."
I got sad while reading a story about a deer who died from a hydraulic press...
It was very deer-pressing...
The saddest activity in my life...is crushing coke cans.
Why did Karen press CTRL + Alt + Delete?
She wanted the Task Manager.
Why did Karen press CTRL + Alt + Delete?
She wanted the Task Manager.
Gravity is one of the most fundamental forces in the universe
but if you remove it, you get gravy.
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