My wife and I were woken up at 3am by loud banging on our door. I got up, opened the door and there was a drunken stranger standing in the pouring rain, asking for a push. "Are you insane man?!!? It's 3 in the morning!!" I screamed, slamming the door and stormed back to bed...

"Who was that?" asked my wife.

"Just some drunk asking for a push." I grumbled.

"Did you help him?" she asked.

"No, I did NOT! It's 3am and it's pouring rain!"

"Well, you've a short memory." she said. "Don't you remember three months ago when we broke down and those two guys helped us? You should be ashamed of yourself! Now get out there and help him!"

She had a point, and angrily, I got dressed and went out into the darkness, calling out, "Hello, are you still there?"

"Yes."

"Do you still need a push?"

"Yes please."

"Where are you?"

"Over here...on the swing."

👍︎ 66
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📅︎ Jan 08 2021
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My wife and I just found out she's pregnant with our first child.

To celebrate, we invited all the family and friends we could to my parents' house and then made the big announcement. Everyone was ecstatic and my father in particular was driven to tears. At a certain point during the night he pulled me aside and led me into his study, which I had never really been inside until this point. He opened a safe and produced cigars a bottle of whiskey and a large, beautifully bound book.

"I could never have asked for a better son," my father said, lighting the cigars and pouring the whiskey. "I hope you think I was a good enough father to deserve you."

"Of course, Dad," I said, "You were all I could've asked for and I wish my son admires me even half as much as I admire you."

"Now I've shared with you nearly everything I know," he said, "But not this one thing. This is the Big Book of Dad Jokes. There are many like it but this one is special. My father gave it to me when your mother and I first found out she was pregnant with you, and I studied it and studied it, learning all the dad jokes I could and mastering book's secrets. I hope it serves you as well as it served me in being a father... No... I know it will serve you well. I love you, my son."

"Dad... I don't know what to say... I'm honoured..."

"Hi Honoured, I'm Dad."

👍︎ 11k
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📅︎ Mar 01 2020
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I was eating breakfast when...

I was eating Corn Pops for breakfast. My dad pointed out that I had just poured my second bowl, and said "You are eating corn-secutive bowls of cereal!"

He then texted my mom about it and now won't let it go.

👍︎ 53
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📅︎ Jun 15 2014
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Meal times with Dad

Was having dinner with my parents the night before I cam back to uni, my dad had been trying to wind me up all evening so decided to pour salt all over my wrist. I responded by throwing the salt at him at which point he cried to my mother 'I've been assaulted!!'. Couldn't help but crack a smile.

👍︎ 19
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👤︎ u/Marsox33
📅︎ Sep 02 2013
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I was proud of this one I used today...

My son, who's 8 was making some tea and unloading the dishwasher. I offered to help him pour the boiling water from the teapot and he said, "I just wanted to do it by myself."

I replied with "Well, you can put up the dishes by yourself."

He pointed to a bowl on the counter and said, "Well you can put that up by yourself."

I said, "You wanted to do things by yourself, why don't you find a way?"

He said, "I can't! I'm not tall enough!!"

To which I replied, "Hmmm ... sounds like you're still faced with a lot of shortcomings."

Lame, I know, but it still made me chuckle, and that, in the end, is all that really matters.

👍︎ 11
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👤︎ u/sinner_vip
📅︎ Dec 29 2013
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