Poppets Town Puns

At the start of the lockdown, I passed the time by reading trashy romance novels on my Kindle. Without any warning, I managed to fall down this weird rabbit hole of non-British authors trying to write British characters and failing miserably. Typically, these stories involve an American main character moving to the UK (usually England, bonus points if it’s London, Oxford or Cambridge). The novel follows them as they bumble around from place to place, inexplicably charming all of the Brits around them despite having all the grace of a reversing dump truck without any tyres on. At best it’s unintentionally funny, at worst it borders on offensive. As a British person, I thought I would take the opportunity to share some of my pet peeves while also making some suggestions on how non-British authors can write more authentic stories set in the UK.

Quick preface: This post will mainly focus on novels set in England, although anyone from Scotland, Wales or Northern Ireland is welcome to jump in. Also, I don’t mean to pick on American authors specifically. I’m sure there are plenty of US authors who know how to write characters from different backgrounds. It’s just that the majority of the books I’ve read that fit this description were produced by American authors.

TIP 1 - WRITE A LIKEABLE MAIN CHARACTER

A lot of these stories focus on the concept of culture shock. We follow the character’s journey as they adapt to the customs of a different culture. They might start out as a bit arrogant or clueless, but over time they evolve as a person and grow to love this new world they find themselves in. This is called character development and is the staple of all good stories.

When writing a book set in another country, a trap that a lot of authors fall into is making the American character the voice of reason. It’s not the main character who needs to change, it’s the out-of-touch foreign country that needs to be modernised. The locals are portrayed as these patriotic traditionalists who are tied to their country’s traditions, while America is the land of freedom and liberty. As a result, you get these embarrassing Anna and the French Kiss/Emily in Paris knock-offs which fetishise countries while also openly mocking them. Other countries are not inferior to America, they are just different. We don’t need to be changed, certainly not by some privileged American airhead who has never even stepped foot outside of their own country before.

There’s nothing wrong with t

There are loads of lists of rare items and unique magic treasures to be found in deep, dark tombs and whatnot.

This list is for more mundane, but still surprisingly valuable treasures to be found in rather common locations.

1. A small sack of dried peaches. You discover the remnants of a wagon on the side of the road; obviously the recent victim of bandits. Digging through the rubble, you find a small sack of dried peaches, well-preserved, and easily worth 40gp to the right Aristocrat, and nearly priceless in a northern everwinter village.

2. A pair of fine leather boots. At the side of the river, you are undressing to bathe when you notice in the reeds a pair of boots, the sun glinting off a bright brass buckle. These high quality riding boots could fetch 100gp if polished up well enough. Someone has likely, like you, been bathing here when they had to flee quickly, leaving the boots behind.

3. A sack of salt. Nearly worthless in a coastal town, salt is extremely valuable far inland for preserving meats. This sack is in the cellar of an abandoned hut on the outskirts of a small town, buried under piles of moldering old clothes.

4. A silver horseshoe. Obviously thrown from the hoof of a very wealthy Royal. Who else could afford a hundred silver pieces per shoe plus the cost of forging. And you found it just lying here on the side of the High road.

5. A riding crop. Nice quality, with a monogram on the handle and bit of agate in the pommel. It’s in the tall grass beside a clearing. Someone probably rested for the night here and in the morning either couldn’t find it or simply forgot about it (or had to ride off quickly!!!) Could fetch as much as 10gp or even more if you can find a nobleman with the same initials.

6. A (fake) emerald necklace. The glint of (apparent) gold is visible in a large bird's nest. This gold-colored necklace is made of brass, with cut green-glass" emeralds. It's well made, despite the cheap materials, probably worth several dozen silver - or thousands of silver, if you could pass it off as real.

7. An anvil. Tools are expensive, but for whatever reason the former resident of a run-down cabin left an anvil behind in an otherwise empty smithy shed. Maybe they left on foot and couldn't carry it? Worth a few gold in nearly any town, more if you can find the right buyer.

8. A mechanical toy. Lost in the reeds by a travelling noble child is a very expensive toy. This little clockwork horse

Phil

Hallowed

Website | Audio | Start here

Synopsis: Avenel is a fabled assassin now retired to a life of solitude. Deena is a sheltered village girl unaware of her own heritage. When tragedy leaves Deena orphaned and homeless, the two embark on a journey across the continent, bound together by Avenel’s promise to keep Deena safe. But when a prophesied sign of the end of the world appears, their journey becomes about more than just the fate of a single girl.

---

???; ???, Year ??? of ???

Her hands were red. Her arms, all the way up to her elbows, were covered in blood and viscera. Before her, a mutilated corpse of a man blinked twice and sat up. Fresh stitches ran down his bare chest, a ragged red line that stretched from collar to groin.

She put a hand to his neck and found his pulse to be strong and steady. “Good,” she muttered. “And breathing and movement seem normal too.” She cleared her throat. “What’s your name?”

The man turned to stare blankly at her, not a trace of comprehension on his face.

“Your name. Do you know it?”

The man continued to stare.

She frowned. “Hit yourself,” she said, and without any hesitation, the man smacked himself across the face.

She screamed, a wordless sound of frustration and rage, as she flung everything off her desk. Scissors and syringes were sent skittering across the floor, and still the man on the table barely blinked.

A man with mismatched eyes came running into the room. “Doctor Grey?” he asked. “Is everything alright?”

“No,” she replied. She gestured toward the man on the table. “I was certain it would work this time.”

“I’m sorry to hear that,” said the man with the mismatched eyes.

She slammed her fist on the table. “What am I doing wrong? The brain is intact, the heart, the lungs—Why are they always missing their minds?”

“Perhaps—Perhaps it just isn’t possible. Perhaps the soul is required to bring someone back fully.”

She shook her head and ran a hand down her face. “No. No it can’t be. Otherwise—Otherwise this is all for nothing.”

“But you saved me. You could save others.”

“But not Inoor,” she replied. “Nothing matters without Inoor.”

Village Ruins;

Sudden Lee

Go post NSFW jokes somewhere else. If I can't tell my kids this joke, then it is not a DAD JOKE.

If you feel it's appropriate to share NSFW jokes with your kids, that's on you. But a real, true dad joke should work for anyone's kid.

Mods... If you exist... Please, stop this madness. Rule #6 should simply not allow NSFW or (wtf) NSFL tags. Also, remember that MINORS browse this subreddit too? Why put that in rule #6, then allow NSFW???

Please consider changing rule #6. I love this sub, but the recent influx of NSFW tagged posts that get all the upvotes, just seem wrong when there are good solid DAD jokes being overlooked because of them.

Thank you,

A Dad.

So far nobody has given me a straight answer

I am currently in the hospital. I had a back operation yesterday. The surgical nurse came in my room and started asking questions about my back. She asked me if I had any falls during the last year. I responded just one. It was after summer.

She laughed and said in 20 years of doing this she never was told that joke.

Indian places are naan profit, Vietnamese places are pho profit.

..... Will get a reward.

The Bushes

Well, toucan play at that game.

Me : For starters, I bring a lot to the table

Argon does not react.

Martin Freeman, and Andy Serkis.

They also play roles in Lord of the Rings.

I guess that makes them the Tolkien white guys.

Because a toothbrush works better

She said apple-lutely

This happened a few years ago when my son was 6ish. When my kids hurt themselves and it doesn’t look serious I always do the “we might have to amputate that bruised hand” shtick with them. I’ve done it enough that they now roll their eyes.

So, my son got hit lightly in the face with a rubber ball. It wasn’t a hard hit and I could tell he was more upset by the shock of it rather than the pain. So I say “looks like we will have to amputate your nose.” To which he replies “then how will I smell?” And I say “terrible!”

It was my greatest dad joke ever. I felt like I could retire after that.

'Eye-do'

This is my first post pls don't kill me lol.

The people in the comment section is why I love this subreddit!!

Cred once again my sis wants credit lol

Keep in mind, my son is 4 years old, so everything is an original to him.

I had to work late into the evening yesterday, and he was just going to bed when I got home. I had left home for the office nearly 14 hours prior, had a long day, lots of meetings, traffic, etc.

When I walked through the door, I was exhausted, run down, and starving. My wife hugged me and asked how my day was, and I replied, "Done. It was a good day, but has got me exhausted. I just want to grab a bite and go to bed. I'm hungry."

From my son's bedroom, I hear him shout, "Hi Hungry! Nice to meet you!"

Not only did it make me laugh, but I completely forgot about how hungry and tired I was. I went to his bedroom, and we laughed together about it. It was exactly what I needed.

Edit: Thanks for all the awards, kind strangers! I'll let my son know y'all enjoyed his joke too!

I’d have $8.40

I heard parents named their children lance a lot.

First post please don't kill me

Edit: i went to sleep and now my inbox is dead, thank you kind strangers for the awards!

To get to the... Bottom...

(as told by my 5yo son, I'm so proud)

Japan.

Now, I'm living in a flat.

it's Hans free now..

second hand stores!

Old Neeeeiiiiighvy

A buck-an-ear!

I Thank ye kind Matey for the booty! I be truly overwhelmed! Thank you!

Holy cow! Thank you everyone for the upvotes and awards! I wasn’t expecting this!

Because they work on many levels

Windows

"No, the regular kind!" I laughed.

10+10 is twenty and 11+11 is twenty too