Have you heard of the man addicted to drinking brake fluid?
Says he can stop anytime!
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︎ May 26 2021
At the end of the physics lecture, I asked my professor, βWhat happened before The Big Bang?β
He said, βSorry. There is no Time.β
π︎ 9k
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︎ Jan 30 2021
Reflecting on Prince Philip death, I was chatting with the Mrs and I said, I know Iβm getting a little older, but I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug.
She got up, unplugged my laptop and threw out my beerβ¦.
EDIT: Thanks for the kind awards... My first ever! β€οΈ
π︎ 4k
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︎ Apr 09 2021
Eye drops should be called blinker fluid
π︎ 37
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︎ May 25 2021
Itβs the lighter fluid
π︎ 6k
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︎ Sep 06 2020
Becoming a sushi chef requires a lot of physics.
How else will you learn fission.
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︎ Feb 15 2021
A collection of physical dadjokes
A collection of physical dad-jokes (click the link).
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︎ Apr 14 2021
My wife told me to push fluids when I got my covid vaccine
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︎ Mar 24 2021
If a man is addicted to braking fluid...
Can he stop any time he wants?
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︎ Mar 24 2021
Get your physics right
π︎ 4k
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︎ Oct 31 2020
What are the last words of the physical education teacher?
π︎ 7
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︎ Feb 19 2021
All this stress lately has me trying new things. For example, I've discovered that brake fluid is actually delicious. I'm up to a case a day, but there's no need to worry about me.
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︎ Jan 18 2021
During this pandemic I've been drinking a lot of brake fluid
But it's okay because I can stop whenever I want
π︎ 51
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︎ May 12 2020
Whatβs the most terrifying word in nuclear physics?
π︎ 48
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︎ Mar 14 2021
I've spent all morning trying to think of a quality pun, just to come up with THIS otter rubbish.
π︎ 3k
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︎ Jun 28 2021
Here's a physics joke: Why don't people find the y component of vector A?
π︎ 2
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︎ Dec 09 2020
My Son Ate a Bunch of Scrabble Tiles. My Wife is Scared but I'm not...
He should have a good vowel movement. His next diaper change could spell disaster though.
π︎ 8k
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︎ Jun 23 2021
A 90-year-old man goes for a physical and all of his tests come back normal. The doctor says, βLarry, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?β
Larry replies, βGod and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so Heβs fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof! The light goes on. When Iβm done, poof! The light goes off.β
βWow, thatβs incredible,β the doctor says.
A little later in the day, the doctor calls Larryβs wife.
βBonnie,β he says, βLarry is doing fine! But I had to call you because Iβm in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night, and poof, the light goes on in the bathroom, and when heβs done, poof, the light goes off?β
βOh sweet Jesusβ, exclaims Bonnie. βHeβs peeing in the refrigerator again!β
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︎ Nov 03 2020
Chinese takeout: $11.77. Price of gas to get there: $3.00
Making it all the way home and realizing that they forgot one of the containers:
Riceless
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︎ Jun 28 2021
Two drunk guys were about to get into a brawl. One of the guys grabs a stick and draws a line in the dirt and says "If you cross this line, I'll hit you in the face"
π︎ 9k
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︎ Jun 29 2021
My sister becomes physically ill when I burn her toast.
It turns out she's black-toast-intilerant.
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︎ Apr 17 2021
What weighs more? A gallon of water or a gallon of butane?
Water. Butane is a lighter fluid
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︎ Jun 26 2021
Today on a walk my son was asking about a bunch of plants and stuff, he pointed to one and I said it was a fungi.
Without missing a beat he asks "Daddy, do you know how much room you need to grow Fungi like that?"
I did not know.
So he tells me "as Mushroom as possible!"
So proud.
π︎ 9k
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︎ Jun 26 2021
My wife told me to pick up 8 cans of soda on my way home from work
She was pretty mad when I only picked seven up
π︎ 6k
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︎ Jun 27 2021
Grandma is always saying to me ' Hey what's the name of that German guy again who keeps taking my stuff '
Alzheimer, Grandma, it's Alzheimer.
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︎ Jun 23 2021
Always part of a classical dish
π︎ 3k
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︎ Jun 19 2021
I was thinking of changing my major to Physics
Then I can go ahead and be a physician.
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︎ Nov 06 2020
What do cannibals serve at the beginning of dinner party?
π︎ 8k
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︎ Jun 02 2021
A guy told me the size of my heart matters more than my physical size.
Good thing I went to the cardiologist before the gym.
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︎ Jan 02 2021
SpongeBob may be the main character of the show.
π︎ 11k
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︎ Jun 16 2021
A conversation I had on a dating app. For context, her instagram is mainly pictures of chairs and her name rhymes with chair.
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︎ Jun 23 2021
I just had a physical.
The Doctor said "don't eat anything fatty".
I said "you mean avoid burgers and bacon, that sort of thing?"
He said "no Fatty, don't eat anything".
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︎ Mar 09 2021
I asked my German friend if he knew the square root of 81.
π︎ 11k
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︎ May 25 2021
What kind of tree comes from your mouth?
π︎ 1k
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︎ Jun 28 2021
What do you call a line of men waiting to get haircuts?
π︎ 2k
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︎ Jun 30 2021
The one and only acceptable way of advertising
π︎ 3k
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︎ Jun 25 2021
Iβm sorry aboot these. Please donβt kick me out of this sub or shoe me away....
π︎ 3k
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︎ Jun 12 2021
Scientist have actually discovered a feline-like life-form on Mars! But unfortunately, one of their rovers ran over it, and
Curiosity killed the cat :(
π︎ 9k
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︎ Jun 04 2021
My friend keeps saying βCheer up, man. It could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water.β
I know he means well.
Edit: Wow. Thanks for the awards, kind Reddit strangers!
π︎ 2k
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︎ Jun 29 2021
Everyone has heard of the historical figure, Karl Marx.
But no one remembers his sister, Onya, who invented the starting pistol.
π︎ 2k
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︎ Jun 19 2021
My friend was trying to feed her baby but he was having none of it. I said "Try the Airplane."
She said, "Airplane? What is it?"
"It's a classic spoof film from the 1980s but that's not important right now."
π︎ 2k
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︎ Jun 08 2021
A physics textbook walks into a bar...
A physics textbook book walks into a bar and asks for a bottle of whiskey. The bartender looks up and says, βSure pal, it looks like you have a lot of problems.β
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︎ Jan 23 2021
Do you want to hear a physics joke?
Wait, I forgot watt was it.
π︎ 5
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︎ Dec 26 2020
Sure, I drink brake fluid
π︎ 324
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︎ Jan 28 2021
I love brake fluid.
Wouldn't Say Addicted, I can stop anytime I want to!
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︎ Feb 05 2021
Sure, I drink brake fluid.
π︎ 5
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︎ Feb 07 2021
At the end of the physics lecture, I asked my professor, βWhat exactly happened before The Big Bang?β
He said, βSorry. No time.β
π︎ 9k
π
︎ Mar 30 2019
At the end of the physics lecture, I asked my professor, βWhat happened before The Big Bang?β
He said, βSorry. No Time.β
π︎ 34
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︎ Aug 30 2020
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