Memphis is playing a game called fuck, marry, conversation, and has chosen Hamza for two of the three.
“I am not trying to talk to that man,” Memphis clarifies. “I talked to my last husband. He’s watching the kids right now. Marriage 3 is for the D.”
“Memphis have big boobies,” Hamza agrees.
Hamza’s mom, Hayet, is wise to the previous night’s scandalous fluid exchange, because Memphis barked SEXY TIME 26 times before she was awarded exactly one mattress squeak. Memphis plans to approach the issue they created by creating a second: Lies. She tells Hamza to tell his mom that they briefly held hands while watching Yellowstone, and then fell into easy conversation using the universal language of math. They were so relaxed in the arms of equations that they couldn’t help but drift off, and the next thing they knew it was morning and, what the Black Mirror? their clothing had run off their bodies. Hamza hustles outside the bedroom to prove he’s as good at lying as Memphis is at making sense.
“Did you fall in the shower?” Hayet is astonished her son thinks she’d believe this yarn.
“No, it is like, we are so, yeah, so okay,” Hamza, master of disguise.
Memphis quickly checks in with the concierge at Hotel Mom to make sure it’s still okay to file herself under Jenny. Memphis listens long enough to deduce there won’t be any violence, and then she and Hamza take off to review his sexiness.
“Well, now that you have the job, I’d like to go over your resume,” Memphis begins. “How many people have you been with before?”
“FiVe?!” You sit on a throne of lies, Hamza.
“Are you sure? I’m checking references.”
“Yes, okay,” Hamza is starting to perspire.
“When was the last time?”
“I had sex!” Hamza just wants to make sure we caught that part.
“It was too fast and jerky. We were in a bedroom, not a bathroom stall.” Memphis needs to be heard.
“Do these lights have to be so hot?” This is the most stressful interrogation of Hamza’s life. “It’s just that she’s so sexy. Can you translate this, so she’ll be maybe be happy-offended?”
“Sex is very important to me in a marriage,” NO SHIT MEMPHIS REALLY? “That’s why I plan to never hit menopause or suffer crippling depression. I expect the same from Hamza. He’s a very good looking man.”
“But men that look like that are always terrible at sex,” Fuck-Machine Gino is here with the facts, licking an ice cream cone with that fucking hat on. “This ice cream reminds me of paste, which reminds me of mayonnaise, so of course
... keep reading on reddit ➡I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.
Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.
The nurse asked the rabbit, “what is your blood type?”
“I am probably a type O” said the rabbit.
The doctor says it terminal.
Peruvian Boobies and Arctic Terns, boobies are such a cool bird specie
Alot of great jokes get posted here! However just because you have a joke, doesn't mean it's a dad joke.
THIS IS NOT ABOUT NSFW, THIS IS ABOUT LONG JOKES, BLONDE JOKES, SEXUAL JOKES, KNOCK KNOCK JOKES, POLITICAL JOKES, ETC BEING POSTED IN A DAD JOKE SUB
Try telling these sexual jokes that get posted here, to your kid and see how your spouse likes it.. if that goes well, Try telling one of your friends kid about your sex life being like Coca cola, first it was normal, than light and now zero , and see if the parents are OK with you telling their kid the "dad joke"
I'm not even referencing the NSFW, I'm saying Dad jokes are corny, and sometimes painful, not sexual
So check out r/jokes for all types of jokes
r/unclejokes for dirty jokes
r/3amjokes for real weird and alot of OC
r/cleandadjokes If your really sick of seeing not dad jokes in r/dadjokes
Punchline !
Edit: this is not a post about NSFW , This is about jokes, knock knock jokes, blonde jokes, political jokes etc being posted in a dad joke sub
Edit 2: don't touch the thermostat
Do your worst!
How the hell am I suppose to know when it’s raining in Sweden?
We told her she can lean on us for support. Although, we are going to have to change her driver's license, her height is going down by a foot. I don't want to go too far out on a limb here but it better not be a hack job.
Ants don’t even have the concept fathers, let alone a good dad joke. Keep r/ants out of my r/dadjokes.
But no, seriously. I understand rule 7 is great to have intelligent discussion, but sometimes it feels like 1 in 10 posts here is someone getting upset about the jokes on this sub. Let the mods deal with it, they regulate the sub.
They were cooked in Greece.
Mentos
(I will see myself out)
He lost May
Said if she ever hosts a gender reveal party, when it comes time to pop the balloon she'll spray everyone with water.
Gender is fluid.
Don't you know a good pun is its own reword?
Two muffins are in an oven, one muffin looks at the other and says "is it just me, or is it hot in here?"
Then the other muffin says "AHH, TALKING MUFFIN!!!"
For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.
I said "hey look, an escaPEA"
No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!
Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂
But let me give it a shot.
It really does, I swear!
He’s the new temp.
And now I’m cannelloni
Because she wanted to see the task manager.
But that’s comparing apples to oranges
And boy are my arms legs.
Amy
Put it on my bill
Heard they've been doing some shady business.
but then I remembered it was ground this morning.
Edit: Thank you guys for the awards, they're much nicer than the cardboard sleeve I've been using and reassures me that my jokes aren't stale
Edit 2: I have already been made aware that Men In Black 3 has told a version of this joke before. If the joke is not new to you, please enjoy any of the single origin puns in the comments
They’re on standbi
Calcium, nickel, neon
My daughter, Chewbecca, not so much.
Memphis is playing a game called fuck, marry, conversation, and has chosen Hamza for two of the three.
“I am not trying to talk to that man,” Memphis clarifies. “I talked to my last husband. He’s watching the kids right now. Marriage 3 is for the D.”
“Memphis have big boobies,” Hamza agrees.
Hamza’s mom, Hayet, is wise to the previous night’s scandalous fluid exchange, because Memphis barked SEXY TIME 26 times before she was awarded exactly one mattress squeak. Memphis plans to approach the issue they created by creating a second: Lies. She tells Hamza to tell his mom that they briefly held hands while watching Yellowstone, and then fell into easy conversation using the universal language of math. They were so relaxed in the arms of equations that they couldn’t help but drift off, and the next thing they knew it was morning and, what the Black Mirror? their clothing had run off their bodies. Hamza hustles outside the bedroom to prove he’s as good at lying as Memphis is at making sense.
“Did you fall in the shower?” Hayet is astonished her son thinks she’d believe this yarn.
“No, it is like, we are so, yeah, so okay,” Hamza, master of disguise.
Memphis quickly checks in with the concierge at Hotel Mom to make sure it’s still okay to file herself under Jenny. Memphis listens long enough to deduce there won’t be any violence, and then she and Hamza take off to review his sexiness.
“Well, now that you have the job, I’d like to go over your resume,” Memphis begins. “How many people have you been with before?”
“FiVe?!” You sit on a throne of lies, Hamza.
“Are you sure? I’m checking references.”
“Yes, okay,” Hamza is starting to perspire.
“When was the last time?”
“I had sex!” Hamza just wants to make sure we caught that part.
“It was too fast and jerky. We were in a bedroom, not a bathroom stall.” Memphis needs to be heard.
“Do these lights have to be so hot?” This is the most stressful interrogation of Hamza’s life. “It’s just that she’s so sexy. Can you translate this, so she’ll be maybe be happy-offended?”
“Sex is very important to me in a marriage,” NO SHIT MEMPHIS REALLY? “That’s why I plan to never hit menopause or suffer crippling depression. I expect the same from Hamza. He’s a very good looking man.”
“But men that look like that are always terrible at sex,” Fuck-Machine Gino is here with the facts, licking an ice cream cone with that fucking hat on. “This ice cream reminds me of paste, which reminds me of mayonnaise, so of course
... keep reading on reddit ➡Memphis is playing a game called fuck, marry, conversation, and has chosen Hamza for two of the three.
“I am not trying to talk to that man,” Memphis clarifies. “I talked to my last husband. He’s watching the kids right now. Marriage 3 is for the D.”
“Memphis have big boobies,” Hamza agrees.
Hamza’s mom, Hayet, is wise to the previous night’s scandalous fluid exchange, because Memphis barked SEXY TIME 26 times before she was awarded exactly one mattress squeak. Memphis plans to approach the issue they created by creating a second: Lies. She tells Hamza to tell his mom that they briefly held hands while watching Yellowstone, and then fell into easy conversation using the universal language of math. They were so relaxed in the arms of equations that they couldn’t help but drift off, and the next thing they knew it was morning and, what the Black Mirror? their clothing had run off their bodies. Hamza hustles outside the bedroom to prove he’s as good at lying as Memphis is at making sense.
“Did you fall in the shower?” Hayet is astonished her son thinks she’d believe this yarn.
“No, it is like, we are so, yeah, so okay,” Hamza, master of disguise.
Memphis quickly checks in with the concierge at Hotel Mom to make sure it’s still okay to file herself under Jenny. Memphis listens long enough to deduce there won’t be any violence, and then she and Hamza take off to review his sexiness.
“Well, now that you have the job, I’d like to go over your resume,” Memphis begins. “How many people have you been with before?”
“FiVe?!” You sit on a throne of lies, Hamza.
“Are you sure? I’m checking references.”
“Yes, okay,” Hamza is starting to perspire.
“When was the last time?”
“I had sex!” Hamza just wants to make sure we caught that part.
“It was too fast and jerky. We were in a bedroom, not a bathroom stall.” Memphis needs to be heard.
“Do these lights have to be so hot?” This is the most stressful interrogation of Hamza’s life. “It’s just that she’s so sexy. Can you translate this, so she’ll be maybe be happy-offended?”
“Sex is very important to me in a marriage,” NO SHIT MEMPHIS REALLY? “That’s why I plan to never hit menopause or suffer crippling depression. I expect the same from Hamza. He’s a very good looking man.”
“But men that look like that are always terrible at sex,” Fuck-Machine Gino is here with the facts, licking an ice cream cone with that fucking hat on. “This ice cream reminds me of paste, which reminds me of mayonnaise, so of course
... keep reading on reddit ➡I'm surprised it hasn't decade.
Now that I listen to albums, I hardly ever leave the house.
