Told my boss 3 companies are after me so I need a pay rise. He asked me which 3 companies they were.
π︎ 10k
π
︎ Jun 02 2022
The recruiter told me the pay starts at $40k, but can go up to $80k later
π︎ 1k
π
︎ Jun 07 2022
I told my wife I wasnβt going to pay for anymore Botox.
She didnβt look surprised.
π︎ 184
π
︎ Jun 01 2022
My friend has just received a huge water bill and can't afford to pay it.
So, I sent him a 'Get Well Soon' card.
π︎ 18
π
︎ May 31 2022
There was a point in time where I couldnβt afford to pay my electric bills
Those were darkest days of my life.
π︎ 31
π
︎ May 22 2022
I didnβt pay the exorcist.
π︎ 48
π
︎ May 29 2022
if someone works their tail of for you, and you pay them, are they assuaged?
π︎ 4
π
︎ May 13 2022
The builder who repaired the stone brickwork on my home was upset when I didn't pay him for the job.
I don't know why because he told me earlier that he was a Freemason.
π︎ 10
π
︎ May 29 2022
how much did Santa pay for his sleigh
Nothing. It was on the house
π︎ 18
π
︎ Jun 08 2022
A police officer told me I need to pay more attention to my speedometer.
I didnβt even know there was a device for detecting guys in tight bathing suits.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Jun 13 2022
Why did Novak Djokovic pay for his flight to Australia with a Mastercard?
Because his Visa didnβt work.
π︎ 6k
π
︎ Jan 08 2022
Why didnβt the roofing technician pay for his drinks?
Because they were on the house.
π︎ 6
π
︎ May 29 2022
After finally finding a pirate ear doctor, I had to pay every last doubloon of mine.
It was totally outrageous, his prices were a buccaneer!
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jun 11 2022
I forgot to pay for the exorcist I hired
π︎ 35
π
︎ May 12 2022
I put my child in their cot to go to sleep and now I have to pay a million bucks to get them back!
Turns out it was a kid-nap
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jun 04 2022
I opened my pay envelope today and found it was full of parsley.
Someone garnished my wages.
π︎ 3k
π
︎ Dec 29 2021
Why does Djokovic pay with American Express
π︎ 2k
π
︎ Jan 16 2022
I worked with my mate in French dockyard but didn't get pay
Maybe the real treasure was the French ships we made along the way
π︎ 82
π
︎ Mar 29 2022
Why did the pavement have to pay for damages after the car wreck?
π︎ 5
π
︎ May 15 2022
I was pulled over for a minor speeding violation, so I only had to pay a small amount of money.
π︎ 13
π
︎ Apr 26 2022
How much does a pirate pay to get his ears pierced?
π︎ 71
π
︎ Mar 25 2022
how much did the poorly octopus pay for his medicine
Six quid
(Quid is slang for pounds in the UK)
π︎ 4
π
︎ May 11 2022
How much do pirates pay for corn?
π︎ 643
π
︎ Jan 11 2022
Remember to always pay your exorcist...
Or you might get repossessed.
π︎ 38
π
︎ Apr 03 2022
The cashier insisted I pay him $2 for my $1.01 purchase.
π︎ 2
π
︎ May 10 2022
Did you hear about the man who had such a gambling problem, he ended up selling every single body part to pay for it?
He should have quit while he was still a head.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Mar 05 2022
I refuse to pay for memorization techniques just to remember things.
Why should I fund a mental list?
π︎ 4
π
︎ May 02 2022
I was wandering around the vet yesterday wondering where to pay for my cat.
They told me to get in back of the fee line.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Apr 13 2022
My son is afraid to pay the guitar
π︎ 205
π
︎ Jan 06 2022
What do mummies use to pay their bills?
π︎ 9
π
︎ Mar 24 2022
How do Germans pay?
π︎ 2
π
︎ Apr 14 2022
I don't understand why people pay with exact change.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Apr 08 2022
I was thinking back to my childhood and remembering when a pay phone call cost 10 cents. Not long after, they doubled the price to 20 cents.
...
...
Boy, that was a real pair o dime shift
π︎ 8
π
︎ Apr 06 2022
How do you pay respects at Jar Jar Binksβs funeral?
π︎ 8
π
︎ Apr 06 2022
How do dinosaurs pay their bills?
π︎ 7
π
︎ Mar 11 2022
I lost my Costco membership because I forgot to pay it
Now that I have more money I'll re-memeber
π︎ 3
π
︎ Apr 06 2022
How did the rooster pay for his meal?
π︎ 6
π
︎ Mar 23 2022
How does Snoop Dogg pay for pedicures?
π︎ 31
π
︎ Mar 05 2022
How much did Santa pay for his sleigh?
Nothing. It was on the house.
π︎ 13
π
︎ May 11 2022
How much did Santa pay for his sled?
Nothing! It was on the house.
π︎ 25
π
︎ Apr 05 2022
If you don't pay your exorcist
π︎ 114
π
︎ Feb 15 2022
How much did the pirate pay for his ears to be pierced?
π︎ 11
π
︎ Apr 07 2022
How much does Santa pay to park the sleigh?
Nothing, it's on the house.
π︎ 928
π
︎ Dec 03 2021
What happens when you donβt pay your exorcist
π︎ 168
π
︎ Jan 16 2022
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