I just finished reading an article about public displays of American patriotism. It was very impressive.

After I was done, I pointed at it and yelled, β€œYou essay! You essay!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2018
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My newborn twin are patriots

Ameri and Erica.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/StephMujan
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2019
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The Air Force is the most patriotic arm of the US military.

Because they’re USAF.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shambud
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2019
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Which branch of military is the most patriotic in the United States?

The Air Force, because they're US AF.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Noir_Reaper
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2018
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Halftime: Maroon 5 Patriots 3 Rams 0
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Drew1351
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2019
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Looks like the Patriots did the ramming tonight *wink*
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WhiteWalterBlack
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2019
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How did Vikings send secret messages?

Norse code

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πŸ‘€︎ u/engineerwho_
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2020
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New York Post: "How Patriots owner Robert Craft could get off in prostitution case"

Didn't he already?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rookie_Z
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2019
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Sam Adams patriots beer.

It comes from the brewery a little flat.....

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πŸ‘€︎ u/notthotbot
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2019
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Why did Robert Kraft (owner of the New England Patriots) get a happy ending at a massage parlor in Florida???

To get his balls deflated.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Twill2318
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2019
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Why did the piece of poop try to join the Army?

He felt it was his patriotic doody!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CIMMGW
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2020
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/r/patriots didn't appreciate my pun, hope you will!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lillerik
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2014
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Buoy, that's patriotic.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Stretch_Aye
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2014
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What do you call blue eyes that are bloodshot?

Patriotic

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ALizardKing
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2020
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What is the most patriotic part of a dad's body?

The prostate

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πŸ‘€︎ u/neverwastetheday
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2018
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Which patriotic singing telegram service would Donald Trump hire for the White House?

Stares and Strips

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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Possum
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2017
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My dad came home with patriots balloons today...

When I asked him why he bought them a week early, he looks at me and says it's because by the time the Super Bowl comes around, "they'll be DEFLATED."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/doses_of_mimosas
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2017
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An American spy is in Soviet Russia, digging up information on a powerful Russian politician. He finds him in a bar, walks in dressed in Russian attire, pretending to be Russian. Everybody in the bar looks at him, but he keeps his cool. He orders a drink and walks to the politician...

"Greetings, comrade." says the spy, but before he could finish his sentence, the Russian says, "I think you are American spy."

The spy is alarmed, but being a skilled, trained, spy, he says, "That is not true! I am the proudest Soviet there is! I can sing the anthem more beautifully than any other man in the country!"

He then proceeds to sing the Soviet anthem, so melodically and beautifully, that everybody in the bar cheers.

"Very good, very good!" says the politician. "But I still think you are spy."

The man continues to keep his cool.

"I am a historian! I can tell you everything about this glorious country!"

He then spends about two hours recounting the Revolution, the Great Patriotic War, about how superior to the Russia is in terms of technology compared to America and makes a great argument about how communism is beneficial to society.

"Amazing! You are skilled!" says the politician.

The spy smirks.

"But I still think you American spy."

The spy is getting frustrated, but still unfazed.

He replies, "I am good drinker, a true Russian! Let us drink, and see who can come out top!"

The bar turns its attention to the politician and the spy, who are now in a drinking contest.

The bartender serves drink after drink of vodka.

After about an hour of drinking, the politician nearly passes out, unable to hold as much liquor as the spy, to a resounding cheer amongst the bar.

In the midst of the cheering, the Russian politician gets up, smiling, and in a slurred speech, repeats, "You are good, you are good... but I still think you are spy."

The American spy, piss drunk, loses his skill and gives up.

"Okay, you got me. I am an American. But what made you think that way, after all this time?"

The Russian politician replies, "There aren't many black people in Russia."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2019
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My dad bet me five bucks that the Patriots would beat the Panthers last week. I guess we both won...
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πŸ‘€︎ u/radonchong
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2013
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Got a pretty patriotic dad joke today.

Dad: "Do they have 4th of July in Europe?"

Me: "No..."

Dad: stares "Yes they do.."

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2015
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My brother got me patriotically.

"Why are you just on reddit? This is America day!

You should be on Red-, White-, and Blue-it!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jelvinjs7
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2014
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My Pop (a Patriot fan), just sent this opera meets football rimshot

Have you heard about the new opera that Johann Strauss wrote, it is called

Die Flederballs

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πŸ‘€︎ u/3rdgearisheaven
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2015
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"Hey, Seattle, wanna win the Super Bowl?"

"No, thanks. We'll pass."

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2015
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I Thought I Signed Up For The Prostate Rally

I was surprised that everyone was wearing patriotic gear there instead.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VengefulVendetta
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2019
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I made my dad proud during the football game tonight.

We were watching the Patriots/Falcons game, which had a ton of fog in the stadium obscuring camera views, when I dropped this one:

β€œIt’s weird that the fog is still there when the stadium is full of fans.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DrWordsmithMD
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2017
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Which branch of the United States military is the most patriotic?

The Air Force; they're US AF

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Smithmonkey98
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2018
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