Nothing, it's on the house.
But in the end, it doesn't even matter
So, she walks over and takes a seat next to him on the bench, turns to him and says, "Sorry to bother you. I know this may be a little forward but I would love to grab coffee with you some time."
Flattered, the man responds, "Sure... but what makes you so certain you and I would get along so well?"
"Well..." the woman says. "A couple things, actually. I noticed you were wearing an Iron Maiden t-shirt. Iron Maiden are my favorite band of all time. When they went on their reunion tour in 1999, my parents took me to see them in Cleveland. I was 12 years old and it was the first concert I ever went to. I absolutely love Iron Maiden."
The man can't believe it.
"I saw them play Cleveland in '99! First concert I ever went to on my own. My best friend Jimmy Spitz and I told our parents we were sleeping at each others' houses, snuck out, took a bus into the city and saw them play at the Plain Dealer Pavillion!"
Naturally, they're both shocked.
"If that isn't weird enough..." says the woman. "I noticed you're reading Mark Twain. I was a communications major in university and I actually wrote my thesis on Mark Twain and how he used satire as a lens to comment on current events of the time, comparing him to satirical news sources of today. He's my favorite author."
Now the man is really taken aback, "Get out of here! I was an English major in university! I specialized in 19th century American literature and this is like my fourth or fifth time reading Tom Sawyer, I absolutely love Mark Twain."
They both can't believe it...this has got to be a match made in heaven.
"Ok..." the woman says. "Well, buckle up because here's the icing on the cake. I noticed you're eating a prune. Prunes are my absolute favorite fruit. When I was a kid, my grandfather lived on a farm. He had an orchard that mainly grew apples and some lemons, but he knew how much my sister and I loved prunes so he kept a couple of plum trees. Every year at the end of the summer, we'd go up and harvest the plums with him. He'd dry them and by the time we'd go back to his place for Thanksgiving he'd always have those prunes saved just for us. They're my favorite fruit! I love prunes, you're eating a prune, this has got to be fate. What do you say?"
The man puts down his fruit and responds,
"It's a date!"
I guess they were critter-sizing me
But who could rock a rhyme like this?
It got mistletowed.
Myself and a friend are making a mini action film on GTA V. When I edit it, I’m planning on involving some voiceover but I need a pun for the final kill on the rollercoaster. Any suggestions ?
They didn’t like my critter sizing.
They get toad.
Edit: this content is unoriginal
Then it hit me.
I wanna commit suislide
The view was not worth the trip.
When I got back there was a note on my windshield that said "you will be toad."
A Ferrous Wheel! :D
...it's a parking little
So I turned it into wine.
She said. Our cars aren’t social distancing! You don’t want them to get ...CARona virus do you?
Proud moment.
They both know that in the end, it doesn’t even matter.
Fined dining.
He must’ve been knackered, even his mum couldn’t wake him up
I had to climb out of the sunroof.
...but I occidentally parked on the west
And I heard a bunch of yelling and grunting near the tennis court. I went over there and asked
"What's with all the racket?"
Judge: Repeat infractions?
Man: Ok..... Judge, half of my parking tickets are bogus!
But i got caught and they wouldnt let it slide
The mother says, "Hey everyone, look at that. Isn't that amazing?" The father, unimpressed, replies, "It's just an algorithm".
“You’ll be fined.”
It's Winter in a Walken Wonderland.
They were arrested for conspiring to murder.
“Now this takes me back”
It's called Xi Jum'ping.
Suddenly, the wife pointed out that it was snowing. The husband shook his head and exclaimed that it was just raining. After disagreeing for quite some time, they decided to ask their communist friend, Rudolph. He also exclaimed that it was raining. The husband then said to his wife,
“See, Rudolph the red knows rain, dear.”
Wrong on so many levels.
Nothing. It’s on the house!
Nothing, it’s on the house
Nothing! It’s on the house!
Nothing, it’s on the house!
Nothing, it’s on the house.
Nothing. It’s on the house.
nothing, its on the house
and then it hit me
They said I was too critter-sizing
And then it hit me! I didn't see that one coming
They didn’t like me critter sizing.
