... or you wont see a thing.
He calls it "Asif Eye Care".
That annoying.
'Eye-do'
This is my first post pls don't kill me lol.
The people in the comment section is why I love this subreddit!!
Cred once again my sis wants credit lol
“Death & Taxes”
There could be a salad dressing.
Black eyed peas can sing us a song and chickpeas can only hummus one.
You don’t know what you’re missing.
No eyedeer
Is it one or two? One? Or Two?
The performance was stopped half way through due to thunderbolts and lightning....
Very, very frightening....
My wife and I were grocery shopping a few years ago.
I am 6'6", she is 5'1".
She couldn't find something and asked for help.
I found it on an 'upper' shelf.
She said she hadn't seen it, and I said it was past-eur-ized. She looked blank, then her face lit up, and laughed.
It is a situation we will always share.
Six pirates.
I said: “If you think that’s the end, you’ve got another thing coming!”
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef!
What do you call a cow with 2 legs? Lean beef!
What do you call a cow after it gives birth? De-calf-enated!
Did you hear about that cow that jumped over a barbed wire fence? It was udder destruction.
(After they beg you to stop, hit them with: "Ok, it's time too mooooove on to some different jokes. These cow jokes are getting udderly ridiculous.")
Do you get your money back?
No eye deer
What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
Still no eye deer
What do you call a deer with no eyes no legs and no balls?
Still no fucking eye deer
I told them the search would probably go quicker if they used both eyes
It was a bad idea in Heinz- sight.
Me: Why of course, son - and sometimes even khakis or chinos if the parents are more stylish.
[Made up by me on the spot in response to my son's question about their biology unit in science class].
It's spam
Lovely man. Terrible cabinet maker.
Told him to use both and he’d probably find him a lot quicker.
When an eel bites your hand, And that's not what you planned, That's a moray.
When our habits are strange, And our customs deranged, That's our mores.
When your horse munches straw, And the bales total four, That's some more hay.
When Othello's poor wife Becomes stabbed with a knife, That's a Moor, eh?
When a Japanese knight Uses his sword in a fight, That's Samurai.
When your sheep go to graze In a damp marshy place, That's a moor, eh?
When your boat comes home fine And you tie up her line, That's a moor, eh?
When you ace your last tests Like you did all the rest, That's some more "A"s!
In New Zealand you see An aborigine, That's a Maori.
Alley Oop's homeland has A space gun with pizzazz, That's a Moo Ray.
A comedian ham, With the name Amsterdam, That's a Morey.
When your chocolate graham, Is so full and so crammed, That s'more, eh.
When you've had quite enough, Of this dumb rhyming stuff, That's "No more!", eh?
It's because they dilate.
Ow, my Corne -ARRRR!!!! My ten year old came up with this one =)
She said apple-lutely
Judge: it's assault
I know it's a salt, is it a crime though?
The first guy answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!"
The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture I showed is his side profile."
Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second guy and asks him, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"
The second guy smiles, flips his hair and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!"
The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter with you two?!!? Of course only one eye and one ear are showing because it's a picture of his side profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with?"
Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third guy and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?
He quickly adds, "Think hard before giving me a stupid answer."
The third guy looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "The suspect wears contact lenses."
The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not.
"Well, that's an interesting answer. Wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I'll get back to you on that."
He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file on his computer and comes back with a beaming smile on his face.
"Wow! I can't believe it. It's TRUE! The suspect does, in fact, wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?"
"That's easy..." the third guy replied. "He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear."
He couldn't control his pupils.
Poetry.
Japan.
Jediiii
second hand stores!
Because without them he could Nazi.
2 chairs and a half of a fish.
Imma Be
Eye Browse !
... how EYEronic!
