Big Moron and Little Moron were on a bridge. Big Moron fell off, but the other didnβt becauseβ¦
π︎ 358
π
︎ Jan 16 2022
I went to a bar and there was a group of people in a queue ready to swing off on me one after the other...
That was the punch line..
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jan 26 2022
Pete and Repete were on a boat, Pete fell off, who was left?
Pete and Repete were on a boat, Pete fell off, who was left?
π︎ 5
π
︎ Nov 27 2021
An older man was lounging on the sofa one evening with his glasses off. His wife joined him, and began slowly running her fingers through his hair. After a few moments she said, βYou know, honey, without your glasses on, you still look just like the young, handsome man I married 50 years agoββ¦
The husband replied, βThanks honeyβ¦ Without my glasses on, so do you.β
π︎ 43
π
︎ Nov 20 2021
A nun puts on and takes off her hair cover over and over and over.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Dec 13 2021
A man is brought to the hospital with a mortal wound. The medical staff believes there is no way to help him and he will die. The head doctor walks in and says I will take care of this. He takes a clock off the wall and rubs it on the injured man, the man is HEALED.
The nurse says: AMAZING! how did you know that would work!?
The head doctor says: βItβs simple reallyβ¦ Time heals all wounds.β
π︎ 49
π
︎ Jul 28 2021
Two morons are sitting on a bridge, one big and one little. A small earthquake shakes the bridge slightly, and the big one falls off, but the little one doesnβtβ¦
I guess he was a little more on!
π︎ 10
π
︎ Sep 20 2021
An iPhone and a firework were arrested on New Years Eve, one was charged and the other was left off.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jul 27 2021
I'm a teacher and every day I write a Dad Joke from this sub on the board. Today a student said this to me... I was about to go off... before I got the Dad Joke.
Student: "Sir, someone nutted on the floor!"
Me: *Begins to get angry* *Turns around... there's a hex nut on the floor*
Me: "Well played."
π︎ 9k
π
︎ Jul 30 2020
Pete and Repeat were walking on a bridge. Pete jumped off. Who is left?
π︎ 27
π
︎ May 25 2021
I managed to break both big toes during my soccer match today, had to come off the field in horrible pain, and my team went on to lose the match 0-4.
Today I truly suffered the agony of da feet.
π︎ 11
π
︎ Jul 18 2021
Successful Dad joke I just pulled off on wife. Full groan and everything
Wife: why do dad's have the worst jokes?
Me: It's a rule, dads have to have cringy jokes
Wife: Who makes those rules?
Me: The Dad Poet Society
Wife: groan
π︎ 19k
π
︎ Dec 22 2019
I was watching Star Trek: The Next Generation on my mobile and the feed shut off.
I got a text from my mobile provider saying Iβd exceeded my monthly Data allowance.
π︎ 10
π
︎ Apr 09 2021
A guy went on a hike near some cliffs with his dog, sadly the dog slipped and fell off the cliff. The guy looked over the edge and says..
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jun 23 2021
What do you call a witch who's into on and off relationships?
π︎ 21
π
︎ May 26 2021
My hand slipped off the handle of the casket while carrying it to the hearse and left a deep bruise on my leg.
π︎ 4
π
︎ May 17 2021
Our landlord knocked on our door today and said that if we didn't pay rent, they'd turn off the heater tomorrow
π︎ 36
π
︎ Dec 03 2020
What do you call a president that you quickly turn off and on?
π︎ 10
π
︎ Dec 31 2020
i went to a restaurant and the waitress threw a piece of meat on the ceiling. she offered me $100 to go and get it off and i replied:
No, the steaks are too high!
π︎ 6
π
︎ Oct 19 2020
My husband slapped a fly off the door and said 'Not on my watch!'
I told him "Nah, that's a door"
π︎ 41
π
︎ Aug 11 2020
A salesman said his windows were unbreakable, so I punched one. That hurt, but not nearly as much as the window falling off the display and landing on my head. Unfortunately I can't sue...
...they were advertised as double-pain windows after all.
π︎ 10
π
︎ Sep 23 2020
My server slammed a glass of water down, tossed a spoon with a knife on the table and stomped off back to the kitchen. I pondered about their attitude for a moment and then it hit me...
They just didn't give a fork...
π︎ 5
π
︎ Sep 05 2020
I put original copies of "The Fall of the House of Usher", "The Murders in the Rue Morgue", "The Pit and the Pendulum" and "The Tell-Tale Heart" on credit hoping to pay them off slowly. Unfortunately, I couldn't make all payments...
π︎ 2
π
︎ Oct 01 2020
I was showing off my hibiscus plants to my neighbor, he says the roots are exposed, and I should get more dirt on them.
So I found out they were both having affairs, and stealing from their company's fundraisers!
π︎ 3
π
︎ Sep 10 2020
My cat got on my bathroom counter and started knocking things off
It was counter-productive
(My cat didnβt laugh at it either)
π︎ 12
π
︎ Jul 07 2020
Post and Repost were on a boat. Post fell off. Who was left?
π︎ 2
π
︎ Aug 30 2020
500 bricks on an airplane and one falls off. How many are left?
((To be played back and forth with a friend as questions and answers))
[499.]
What are the three steps to putting an elephant in a refrigerator?
[1. Open door. 2. Put elephant in. 3. Close door.]
What are the four steps to putting a giraffe in a refrigerator?
[1. Open door. 2. Remove elephant. 3. Put giraffe in. 4. Close door.]
All the animals attend a birthday party for the king of the jungle, except one. Who didnβt attend?
[The giraffe. Heβs still in the refrigerator.]
A girl swims across an alligator infested river, but safely makes it to the other side. How was that possible?
[All the alligators were at the birthday party.]
The girls still dies though, how come?
[The one brick from the airplane fell on her head.]
π︎ 253
π
︎ Feb 11 2018
Back in the 90s, i spent time on the set of Baywatch messing with a character named Mitch Buchannon. I got pulled off the set and arrested the same night.
Turns out it's illegal to Hasslehoff.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Dec 20 2019
[Dad Joke courtesy of Stephen King] The big moron and the little moron were standing on the Golden Gate bridge. The big moron fell off. Why didn't the little moron fall off too?
Because the little moron was a little more on.
π︎ 13
π
︎ Aug 01 2019
we do have a lot off different technology. https://www.reddit.com/r/Showerthoughts/comments/bu0yuo/we_have_devices_that_can_see_through_flesh_and/ on this post
π︎ 5
π
︎ May 28 2019
A father and his son are on a roof, the father falls off but the kid stays on, why?
π︎ 11
π
︎ Oct 27 2019
You are on a horse galloping at a constant speed. On your right side, is a sharp drop off and on your left side is an elephant traveling at the same speed as you. Directly in front of you is another galloping horse, but your horse is unable to overtake it.
Behind you is a lion running at the same speed as you and the horse in front of you.
What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?
Get off the merry-go-round!
π︎ 28
π
︎ Apr 27 2019
[true story] Dad and daughter trimming the Christmas tree with tinselβ DAD (points to empty spot on tree and says to daughter): βLittle more on here.β DAUGHTER (storms off crying)...
...βMOM! DAD CALLED ME A LITTLE MORON!!β
π︎ 4
π
︎ Dec 17 2019
My girlfriend was eating some cheese and salami on crackers. She accidentally cut off a very large piece of the Salami. I told her it was a muenster. She just stared at me flatly so I apologized.
I told her I was sorry for such a cheesy joke.
π︎ 27
π
︎ Aug 30 2019
On mobile the r/perfect loops suggestion showed a wheel of ck that rotated between o and i. It said ick ock ick ockβ¦obviously the T was cut off from the top. But watching it with out the the T made me think of Wild Bill
π︎ 3
π
︎ Apr 18 2019
I was having an argument and the other guy went off on a tangent
I said: Hey, man, whats your angle?!
π︎ 9
π
︎ Sep 30 2019
Discussing history last night and I went off on a tangent about Nebbacanezzer
Sometimes I just babble on.
π︎ 71
π
︎ Jan 20 2018
Every year on New Year's Eve, when everyone's counting down the final 10 seconds to ring in the new year, I get up off the couch and stand up. I stand up and raise my left leg and just leave it raised for a little while until the countdown finishes and midnight strikes
that way I always start the new year off on the right foot
π︎ 12
π
︎ Nov 30 2018
Pete and Repete were sitting on a fence. Pete fell off. Who was left?
Repeat? Ok. Pete and Repete were sitting on a fence. Pete fell off. Who was left?
π︎ 6
π
︎ Apr 11 2020
The big moron and the little moron are on a bridge. The big moron fell off. How come the little moron didn't fall off?
He was a little "more on."
π︎ 7
π
︎ May 18 2019
A big moron and a little moron are both standing on the edge of a cliff, the big one falls off. Why didn't the little one fall?
Because he was a little more on.
π︎ 10
π
︎ Oct 23 2019
2 guys are sitting on a fence, Pete and Repete. Pete falls off the fence, who is left sitting on the fence?
π︎ 105
π
︎ Jan 16 2016
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
