What do cavemen sleep on?
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︎ Mar 05 2021
My kid asked "why do you go to sleep on the toilet so often?"
I said, "I always follow where my legs go".
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︎ Mar 05 2021
Why did The Joker have to sleep with his lights on?
Because he was afraid of the Dark Knight.
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My 9yr old son just told me this π€ͺ
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︎ Jul 28 2020
At the beach, opposite the life guard, a man sleeps on a towel, adjacent an unopened umbrella.
When he wakes up, he's going to be a tan gent.
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︎ Sep 23 2020
What type of tissue can you sleep on?
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︎ Sep 17 2020
I can't think of a title, let me sleep on it.
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︎ Aug 17 2019
As a journalist I only sleep on corduroy pillows.
That way I always wake up with headlines βπ»
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︎ Oct 05 2020
What kind of bed does the Prince of Whales sleep on?
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︎ Aug 24 2020
I had a tumor that made it uncomfortable to lie on my back, so I had to sleep face down.
Doc said it was prostrate cancer.
Guess I'm prone.
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︎ Jul 16 2020
I like to sleep with the bedside lamp on, even though the wife reckons it's weird.
I don't see how, I think it makes a great hat.
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︎ May 18 2020
I like to sleep with the lights on.
It helps me dream up bright ideas.
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︎ Apr 03 2020
Why can you sleep on sodas?
Because itβs a soft-drink
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︎ Dec 31 2019
Did you know the average person sleeps with 3 covers on at night?
... Just a blanket statement
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︎ Nov 29 2019
Apparently, 29% of pet owners let their pet sleep on the bed with them, so I gave it a try...
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︎ Sep 20 2019
My friend always sleeps with his head on a bag of rice
He said it was a type of pilau.
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︎ Nov 11 2019
On what does a pyromaniac sleep?
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︎ May 27 2019
My girlfriend asked why I put a watch on the bed before going to sleep.
I told her I wanted to wake up on time
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︎ Dec 09 2016
My doctor recommended I sleep on a stack of old magazines.
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︎ Apr 15 2018
My wife wants me to choose a mattress. Eh, Iβll sleep on it
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︎ Jun 23 2019
I canβt sleep unless I have a fan on
I think itβs a pretty chill way to sleep
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︎ Mar 08 2019
My son accidentally wet our bed after climbing on to sleep with us last night.
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︎ Apr 22 2019
Some nights I like to sleep on the floor
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︎ May 05 2019
What do you call a pug who sleeps on the floor all day?
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︎ Dec 24 2018
What did ancient Egyptian pharaohs sleep on?...
...Temple-pedic mattresses...
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︎ Dec 05 2018
Why do lions sleep on dirt? Because they have nothing to li-on
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︎ Jul 24 2017
What do you call a country full of naked, alcohol drinking bears who sleep in winter and live on a mountain?
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︎ Sep 03 2017
How do you get your baby to sleep for an hour on a plane?
Take a 12 hour plane trip
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︎ Jul 09 2018
On Hoth you might find that you need to cut open a tauntaun and sleep inside him
Itβll keep you lukewarm
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︎ Jun 24 2018
What do you use to brush your teeth, to sleep on, and to sit on?
A toothbrush, a bed, and a chair.
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︎ Mar 27 2018
I read that if you sleep on a certain type of fabric smothered with ketchup it adds 20 years to your life.
Unfortunately I can't remember the sauce material
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︎ Aug 15 2018
Dad#1: *on house boat at night trying to sleep* Hey you awake?
Dad#2: Yeah I am.
Dad#1: Oh I was just trying to Sea if you were up.
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︎ Jul 21 2018
We were out browsing for sleep number beds, and dad let this loose on the salesman.
"What do you call twins conceived on a waterbed? "Off springs!"
Oh, dad. Your sense of humor can't hold water...
Shit, now he's got me doing it. Send help!
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︎ Feb 27 2014
I think we should sleep on the streets tonight..
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︎ Mar 07 2012
I didn't sleep on the 28th of February
Because you should look before you leap.
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︎ Mar 01 2016
My dad had to sleep on the pull-out couch.
I thought it might be uncomfortable but he didn't think so.
"Sofa, so good."
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︎ Aug 05 2014
What do Geologists sleep on?
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︎ Oct 29 2020
What type of tissue can you sleep on?
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︎ Jun 05 2019
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