Old Grand Dad Puns

"Poppy, we went Shoe Shopping"

"Really? What did you get?"

"Shoes"

My wife and I went out for dinner with our 5 week old son. A group of grandparents (no relation) were expressing their admiration and asked my wife how old he is. "26" I answer, receiving a knowing smile from the grand dads and groans from everyone else.

Sitting at the table for Father's Day, my 16 year old daughter decided to be grand in her wishing me a happy father's day.

"Dad, thank you for siring me."

"You're welcome, but, the pleasure was all mine."

My mother in law glared. Everyone else laughed.

I was riding my bike home at night after work and I stopped at McD's to grab a burger. I was wearing my headlamp and an old man that was in the lobby asked me "Does that ever make you feel light-headed?" I groaned and congratulated him on being a grand dad.

While preparing for our roadtrip to the Grand Canyon, my dad was asking everyone (my mom, brother, and I) if we needed to go to the bathroom before we leave. I was around 8 years old at the time, my brother was 5. I had some massive gas that day and my dad took note of it.

I said, "Dad, I don't need to go to the bathroom."

"RhinoWatson, yes you do. You know a fart is just a poo screaming to get out."