So he can keep up with current events.
Its called WearWolf.
Edit. Everything about this post is supposed to be a dadjoke. Just meant to lure you into the dadjoke trap. Based on the down votes, perhaps too good.
He likes that old time rock and roll
Now theyβre in the red.
You never have to throw them away. Once they get so holy, God just takes them.
Heβs in a world of shit now
When the interview was over the interviewer told him that all applicants had to complete a test. The interviewer took a piece of paper and drew six vertical lines in pairs of two on the paper and placed it in front of the Irishman.
βCould you please show me a clever way to make this into nine?β
After thinking for a while the Irishman took the pencil and drew a canopy of leaves on top of the three pairs of lines, and handed the paper back to the interviewer.
The interviewer looked at the drawings and said: βBut that is not nine!β
βOh yes it isβ, said the Irishman with a broad Irish accent, βTree + Tree + Tree make nine!β
The interviewer handed the paper back to the Irishman and asked him to make it 99.
After thinking for a long while the Irishman scribbled up and down the trunks and handed the paper back to the interviewer.
The interviewer looked at the drawings and said: βBut that is not ninety-nine!β
βOh yes it isβ, said the Irishman, βDirty tree + dirty tree + dirty tree make ninety-nine.β
The interviewer was now a bit cheesed off so he decided to do the Irishman once and for all, therefore, he handed the paper back to the Irishman and asked him to make it 100.
After thinking for a considerably longer time the Irishman suddenly grabbed the pencil and drew a little blop on the bottom right-hand side of each three and handed the paper back to the interviewer.
The interviewer looked at the drawings and said: βBut that is not 100!β
βOh yes it most certainly isβ, said the Irishman with a much broader Irish accent,
βDirty tree and a turd + dirty tree and turd + dirty tree and a turd, make a 100
It was kind of a Bic deal.
But for some reason the rules don't apply to me.
A pride
But it just rung and rung. I probably should have called earlier as it was the ladder part of the day.
So, yeah. Three stars.
Monkey business!
They said it's because of copyright infridgement.
He's on screen, shown stitching the hems on a sweater (mom's spaghetti!). But it turns out he's allergic to whatever material the sweater is made of. He starts sneezing and eventually has a severe bout of asthma. They have to call off filming for the day.
It was an ad-heminem attack.
Rhesus Pieces
It's a Canada Dry flight
A large Russian company buys a batch of off-road Mercedes trucks. The deal also includes training of drivers to work with the new equipment. One such Mercedes catches up with an old MAZ truck on the road. At one point the MAZ stopped, then a man with a bucket jumped out of it and scooped some water from a puddle on the road and poured it into the fuel tank. Then he gets in the truck, lights it and sets off. The instructor in the Mercedes, who speaks a little RussiΠ°n, asks the driver:
- What's happening?
"It's out of fuel."
"You keep fuel in puddles along the road?"
- No. This is water.
The German was silent for a few minutes and stated:
- The car in front of us is moving with water!
- No! It's moving with diesel!
The instructor decides to make fun of him and is silent until they reach the base. Excited, he goes there and shares with his colleagues what he saw. It turns out that someone else saw the same thing, but he doesn't know RussiΠ°n and couldn't ask. He returns to his trainee and continues to question. If MAZ is running on diesel, why did the driver add water to the fuel tank? The RussiΠ°n explains to him that the pipe that sucks the diesel is located just a few centimetres above the bottom of the fuel tank. At the moment it stops refuelling, there are another ten litters of diesel in the fuel tank. When water is poured, the level rises, then the diesel, which is lighter, rises from the top and the truck can travel many more kilometres. Amazed by this explanation, the German asks:
"Why don't they put the fuel pipe at the bottom of the tank?"
The RussiΠ°n's in shock answers him:
- But what if there is water in the diesel?
Edit: How a MAZ truck looks like - https://youtu.be/roj5Xf55PDU
Save them to your Phone and always have witty jokes at the palm of your hand.
3.14 percent of sailors are pi-rates.
5/4 of people admit theyβre bad at fractions.
A bartender broke up with her boyfriend, but he kept asking her for another shot.
A brain walks into a bar and takes a seat. βIβd like some wings and a pint of beer, please,β it says. βSorry, but I canβt serve you,β the bartender replies. βYouβre out of your head.β
A cheeseburger walks into a bar. The bartender says, 'Sorry, we don't serve food here.'
A college education now costs $100,000, but it produces three very proud people: the student, his mama, and his pauper.
A couple of cups of yogurt walk into a country club. βWe donβt serve your kind here,β the bartender says. βWhy not?β one yogurt asks. βWeβre cultured.β
A friend of mine didnβt pay his exorcist. He got repossessed.
A friend of mine is known for sweeping girls off their feet. Heβs an extremely aggressive janitor.
A guy walks into a bar, and thereβs a horse serving drinks. The horse asks, βWhat are you staring at? Havenβt you ever seen a horse tending bar before?β The guy says, βItβs not that. I just never thought the parrot would sell the place.β
A guy walks into a bar...and he was disqualified from the limbo contest.
A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head. The bartender says, βWhatβs with the paper towel?β The pirate says, βArrr! Iβve got a Bounty on me head!β
A turtle is crossing the road when heβs mugged by two snails. When the police ask him what happened, the shaken turtle replies, βI donβt know. It all happened so fast.β
Armed robbersβsome say theyβre a drain on society, but youβve got to give it to them.
Barbersβ¦you have to take your hat off to them.
Can February March? No, but April May!
Cooking out this weekend? Donβt forget the pickle. Itβs kind of a big dill.
Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I don't think they'll fit me.
Dad, can you put the cat out? I didn't know it was on fire.
Dad, did you get a haircut? No, I got them all cut!
Dad: Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? Son: No. What happened? Dad: The teacher woke him up.
Daughter: I have a lot of friends named Nathan. Thereβs Nathan Miller, Nathan Radcliff, Nathan Lewisβ¦ Me: When they are together, do you call them the United Nathans?
Dear Math, grow up and solve your own problems.
Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head!
Did you hear about the aquatic sea mammals that escape
... keep reading on reddit β‘...things have gone from bat to wurst.
Dad: "Why would I want to rent a truck that doesn't move?"
"Sorry about her. Her specialty is also roofing."
Blank stares. My talents are so wasted without kids.
If you ask me though, that's WAY too long of a race.
Dictionaries really are a good source of information.
Hoosier Daddy
I just checked, they have rules against Meta posts.
Most people don't have managers (though I do) or get performance reviews, but they have given us face shields to keep us safe.
Anyway, the other day I saw two people walking around the office putting stickers on all our face shields. I took a look and it was a picture of my manager Susan.
So I HAD to ask - apparently HR told them everyone has to have a Sue per visor.
β¦ accused of raquetteering!
Itβs the pre-cons they should be worried about.
Two Bee Detour Mend
Croco-dial
All that company cares about is the bottom line.
So far Iβve got:
Sandwich co (you canβt beat our meat) IT company (if youβve got a Trojan we can help) Laundry service (dont press your luck) Organic shop (all we do is pot, and pull hoes) or (getting down and dirty with your hoes) Pet groomers (send your dog to pound town) Transport and travel [by plane] (weβll get you high) Financial planner (saving lives, with your life savings) Bakery (fresh perky muffins in the front, soft buns in the back) Coffee shop (Mugging you at every corner)
Still looking for raunchy puns and double entendres for:
A Podcast/ music studio A Personal chef A Tour and travel agency A Health care company A Record studio A Game developer A Copyrighting co A Tailor A Garage/bike repair company A Clothing/hat maker A Personal trainer A Truck sharing (moving co) An Architecture bureau or real estate co An Illustrator A Pest control company A Wedding planner A Fishing and charter tour company A Liquor store
Help me out.
I'm the main stakeholder.
He added a whole new dimension to the business.
It was out of this world
But her quality is sew sew
I'm the main stake holder.
The company gave me a new one free of charge.
I was buying new tires for my car. While I was discussing my options the person down the counter was flustered at the prices she was being offered. To this she loudly asked:
"I put the same ones on my husbands Jeep last year! What happened? Why are they so expensive?!"
To which I looked at over and loudly stated. "Inflation."
The guys behind the counter laughed. The rest of the room groaned out a chorus of dadjoke music that should have been filmed live in front of a studio audience.
They said it was grounds for termination.
Now itβs called βIV Guysβ.
Dell never know what hit him.
Monkey business...
If only he had fulfilled their man-date, he could have kept his job!
Heβs only got one leg and is in charge of hops
)