So Iβm at dinner with the fam, telling the joke about what the kid with no arms got for Christmas (we still donβt know because he hasnβt opened them yet)...I set it up...a friend of mine at work has a kid...no arms...and deliver the punchline...
And my 10 year old son, completely deadpan, tells me
βDad, I knew that story wasnβt real because you donβt have any friendsβ
π»π»ππβ οΈβ οΈ It took me a solid 5 minutes to stop laughing.
I have achieved Dad level 10 at raising my kids
π︎ 18
π
︎ Jan 10 2021
I became a father today, but no dad jokes are coming to me. Iβm pretty bummed.
Luckily the neighbor hit me with a few good jokes as we got home! Cheered me right up!
π︎ 11k
π
︎ Jun 24 2020
Drugs are no joke, kids
π︎ 31
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︎ Nov 06 2020
If you tell dad jokes but have no kids...
π︎ 25
π
︎ Dec 02 2020
No joke includes a punchline about the maginot line
I guess it's easier to go around it
Edit: typo
π︎ 5
π
︎ Dec 07 2020
My freind: no body cares about car rental company jokes
Me: well that Hertz :β(
π︎ 4
π
︎ Sep 15 2020
My friend has no arms and loves to make jokes about it. They're never any good though.
He doesn't have a funny bone in his body.
π︎ 14
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︎ Jul 24 2020
I was checking out at the grocery store today and the bagger was holding my stuff over the shopping cart and asked: βsir, would you like to go out with the cart?β. To which I replied βoh, no thanks Iβm actually marriedβ. My poor son looked mortified. Dad joke status ACHIEVED.
π︎ 8k
π
︎ Nov 30 2019
My dad's favorite joke- what do you call a cow with no legs?
π︎ 22
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︎ Jun 22 2020
No one ever laughs at my sausage jokes.
probably because they're the wurst
π︎ 3
π
︎ Sep 20 2020
I made up a joke about the sound a tap makes when you turn it on full blast, but no one got it.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Sep 08 2020
I finally figured out why almost no one in my family finds my cheesy jokes and puns good.
They are all laughtose intolerant.
π︎ 23
π
︎ Jun 28 2020
Another no-arms, no-legs joke to add to the database...
French woman with Covid?
La Wheez.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Aug 08 2020
No one laughs at my βbring an extra pair of pants when you go golfingβ joke.
I guess βhole-in-oneβ jokes are sub-par.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jul 11 2020
I told my friends and family a coronavirus joke at the start of quarantine, and no one laughed.
π︎ 18
π
︎ Jun 17 2020
Why are there no knock knock jokes about the Fourth of July?
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jul 04 2020
I made a joke about wine in my office, no one laughed
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jun 24 2020
No jokes here...
π︎ 72
π
︎ Dec 28 2019
Dad: Did you hear the joke about farmer brown? Me: No
Dad: Well maybe Iβll tell you someday
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jun 15 2020
This, no joke, might be the best pun Iβve ever read
π︎ 44
π
︎ Dec 02 2019
I was going to make a joke about sodium but then I thought.....Na, no one will get it
π︎ 11
π
︎ Feb 06 2020
This is no time for jokes, Jinping.
π︎ 18
π
︎ Jan 26 2020
I made a bad joke about an axe. No one laughed.
It wasnβt very cleaver.
π︎ 4k
π
︎ Sep 27 2018
I make a lot of dad jokes for someone who has no kids.
You could call this a faux pas. Shoots finger guns
π︎ 14
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︎ Jan 14 2020
guess its a pun joke (i have no other interesting title sory)
π︎ 35
π
︎ Oct 13 2019
There is no whey I will do a protein joke.
π︎ 17
π
︎ Dec 28 2019
Why are there no knock knock jokes about America?
....because freedom rings.
Edit: wow this is getting decent attention, Happy Brexit 1776 everyone!
Edit 2: top 50 all time on r/dadjokes and I'm not even a dad yet!
π︎ 8k
π
︎ Jul 04 2017
No dad jokes are allowed in my city
They are a PUNishable offence!
π︎ 5
π
︎ Feb 15 2020
I made a cheesey joke and no one though it was funny.
They must have been laughtose intolerant.
π︎ 38
π
︎ Aug 29 2019
No joke I just miss my dad. Happy fathers day in heaven dad dad daddy-o
π︎ 713
π
︎ Jun 17 2018
No matter how corny you believe your eyeball jokes are...
Mine will always be cornea
π︎ 3
π
︎ Nov 27 2019
I make apocalypse jokes like there's no tomorrow.
π︎ 60
π
︎ Jan 26 2019
People dying from laughter are why the quest for immortality is no joke.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Aug 28 2019
Someone gifted me a book of dad jokes. "No thanks," I said. "I already Reddit."
π︎ 84
π
︎ Mar 19 2019
Awful dad joke no one will get this
Why don't you ever see hippos hiding in trees?
Because they're so good at it.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jul 17 2019
Whoever invented knock-knock jokes should be given a no-bell prize
π︎ 64
π
︎ Jan 06 2019
Do you know why there are no knock knock jokes about America?
Because freedome rings.
Yes I am aware I am a day lot. Sorry lovelies!
π︎ 13
π
︎ Jul 05 2019
A Female Child (Me)Is In No Way A Dad. But I Want To Dad Joke My Dad.
I've got this-
"I can jump higher than tallest tree. Want to know how?"
"How?"
"Trees can't jump."
π︎ 3
π
︎ Aug 18 2019
My friend tried stand-up comedy and making jokes about eyeballs and their fluids. No one would laugh.
I can't blame them; it was vitreous humour.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Nov 02 2019
Did you hear the joke about the letter with no stamp?
π︎ 23
π
︎ Aug 23 2019
The person who invented knock knock jokes deserves a no-bell prize
π︎ 118
π
︎ May 24 2019
Cocaine is no joke I'm at the end of the line on this one
π︎ 4
π
︎ May 17 2019
What do you call a person who makes dad jokes but has no kids?
π︎ 44
π
︎ Oct 02 2020
This joke has no punchline, here's why
π︎ 72
π
︎ Sep 13 2019
I made a bad joke about an axe. No one laughed.
π︎ 19
π
︎ Aug 07 2019
People are making apocalypse jokes like there's no tomorrow
π︎ 15
π
︎ Oct 15 2019
I tell dad jokes but I have no kids. Iβm a faux pa!
π︎ 52
π
︎ Mar 15 2019
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