No doubt about it, I caught coldvid
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ‘€︎ u/OtakuShogun
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2020
🚨︎ report
This belongs here no doubt!
πŸ‘︎ 53
πŸ‘€︎ u/DatKookiz
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2013
🚨︎ report
Having gay parents must be horrible

You either get twice the amount of dad jokes or you get stuck in an infinite loop of "go ask your mom."

Edit: On another Sub someone called me a homophobe. I want to say I'm not a homophobe it was simply a light hearted joke. I'm gay myself and wouldn't want to create hate or controversy. So sorry if I offended anyone.

Edit 2: Thanks for giving me my first award.

Edit 3: if you have heard it else where then fine Like this one guy in the comments said "I’ve seen it a few times but no doubt many people haven’t. No reason a good joke can’t be posted bc someone’s posted it in the past."

Edit 4: making too many edits but thanks for the gold kind stranger (And all of them means alot)

πŸ‘︎ 10k
πŸ‘€︎ u/SergeantSolar
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2019
🚨︎ report
A man named Dave. Long joke!

A man named Dave comes home very drunk late at night...

So this guy has been drinking with his buddies all night and he's as drunk as a skunk, gets home, falls up the stairs, undresses and goes to bed next to his wife. He falls asleep and next thing he knows, bang, he dies and finds himself waiting at the pearly gates.

The guy refuses to believe this is happening, he says to St. Peter: "This can't be possible, I'm a healthy man! This is not the way I die. You have to let me return down there!"
The guy can see St. Peter looks like he's feeling sorry for him, but he tells him that unfortunately, there's no policy for allowing people back on Earth. The guy insists: "But come on, there's got to be something you can do! I'll put up with anything, really, as long as you let me go back down."
So St. Peters tells him: "Well really, there's just this one possibility: you can go back, but only as a hen. That's the only thing we can allow." The guy guesses that this really is his only chance, so he agrees reluctantly.
So he's back on Earth in this beautiful chicken coop, the sun is shining, there's green grass everywhere, this is hen paradise. The other hens greet him with delight and he tells them his story, everything goes nicely. But then he feels kind of unwell, there's something wrong with his stomach. He asks this old hen: "Tell me, I've got this weird feeling in my belly, I'm not too well. What is happening to me?"

The old hen: "Well dearie, we hens lay eggs, you know. I bet you've never laid a nice egg before... You need to push it out now, and you'll feel much better after!"
So the guy pushes and pushes, and wham, out pops his first egg. The old hen congratulates him and he feels much better. But not 5 minutes later, his pain comes back. He returns to the old hen for advice.

"Well dearie, it's quite special but it happens that you need to lay TWO eggs, so go back there and keep pushing!"
So he goes back to his nest and pushes, and nothing comes, and he pushes harder, and wham, out comes his second egg! He feels much better, but not 2 minutes later, you guessed it, he's back in terrible pain and goes to see the old hen.

"What's this bullshit here, and don't tell me I've got a third egg to lay!" The old hen can't make head or tail of it and just tells him that when in doubt, he should be pushing. So the guy goes back to work and then, wham, his wife wakes him up with this smashing slap in the face and yells: "*Dave! Dave wake up you’re

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ‘€︎ u/kmaff90
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
🚨︎ report
I heard Gwen Stephani is taking over for BlackStreet on their next Tour

.........Yup It's No Diggity. Instead No doubt.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ‘€︎ u/mutatst
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend started reading something I’d vaguely heard before so...

I interrupted him and said β€œI already read it before”

He said, ” Do you mean, You’ve been on reddit before?”

I replied, β€œNo I mean I’ve read it before.”

My friend said, β€œ Dude with that grammar I doubt you’ve read anything before.”

I protested, β€œ Hey, I’ve read IT”

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ‘€︎ u/CaptSzat
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2019
🚨︎ report
What would Jesus eat?

Probably angel food cake.

No deviled eggs.

Miracle whip on all his sandwiches.

Thomas's English muffins? Doubt it.

Hearts of palm on ice cream (a palm sundae).

Keep it going!

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ‘€︎ u/reddit4nag
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2019
🚨︎ report
The biggest hit of the decade!

No doubt, the Juul

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ‘€︎ u/NinoAmon87
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2020
🚨︎ report
A man walked into a bar with his pet octopus. He went up to the counter and bet everyone in the bar $50 that they couldn’t bring the octopus a musical instrument that it couldn’t play...

One man pulled an old guitar off the wall that hadn’t been tuned in years and gave it to the octopus.

The octopus took the guitar, tuned it right up and began play.

There was no doubt that the octopus was an excellent guitar player.

The man paid his handler $50 and sat down.

Another man brought a saxophone to the octopus.

The octopus took it and stared for a bit.

After a minute or two the octopus began playing a deep and soulful jazz solo.

This man paid his $50 and sat down.

The bartender went into the back and brought out a set of bag pipes.

The bartender said, β€œI’ll bet $100 that the octopus can’t play these bagpipes.”

The man agreed and handed them to the octopus.

The octopus sat there eyeing the bagpipes up and down for quite awhile.

The handler began to get nervous so he said to the octopus, β€œHurry up and start playing the thing”

The octopus spewed, β€œPlay it?! I wanna marry her!"

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2019
🚨︎ report
There's a little known country in central Europe that is ruled by a monarchy...

Not many people are aware of its existence but I assure that it is there all the same. The king of this little land faces a lot of difficulty. He wants to make his kingdom into a sovereign nation but unfortunately they do not have the infrastructure, population, or economy to do so. In fact, this small state is only known for a single export. Thanks to their proximity to some of the finest gold and other metals in the world but total lack of an ability to process those metals on a mass scale, they have been left with only one option. You know the saying; when life hands you lemons, make lemonade. Make lemonade they did. This tiny territory is renowned for creating the highest quality watches in the world. No expense is spared and their elite group of craftsmen train for their entire lives from childhood to produce these terrific timepieces. Men of great wealth and taste have been known to trade entire fortunes for just a single one of these watches; that is how valuable they are.

The king knows this and he knows that only a small portion of his populace can ever hope to become one of the respected elite, let alone hold one of their masterpieces in their own hands. Being a very just and fair man, the king ordered the most senior watchmaker in the land to create something the likes of which had never been seen. A watch of such great craftsmanship so as to be above monetary value. The man labored long and hard for many nights to produce the king's watch. When he at last presented the completed work to his lord - in front of the entire nation, no less - he was met with thunderous applause and a warm embrace. He had done it! The king then made a shocking announcement.

"This masterpiece belongs to my people!"

When the roaring of the crowd died down he continued.

"This watch shall be a symbol of my love for all of you. Though I rule over you with supreme authority I do not wish a single one of you to feel that you do not have a voice in the ruling of this nation. From this day on let anyone who doubts my decisions or questions my judgment wear this watch and stand as my equal to voice their concerns. Should even a single one of you think me unfair or wrong in any matter then simply come to my castle and I will present you this token of good faith."

The king made good on his word and from that day on all citizens knew they held the right to challenge their king's rulings. Over time the watch became a symbol of fairness throughout the land. Anyone who wore it

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 89
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2016
🚨︎ report
I have a condition we're I have to be certain of everything

It has to be true, I have no doubt in my mind

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2019
🚨︎ report
My grandmother has many religious statues, crosses, and cats in her house.

No doubt she's a Cat-holic.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ‘€︎ u/23farendheight
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2017
🚨︎ report
A father is telling his college freshman son about drugs

He says "You are going to do drugs, no doubt. But coke is where you should draw the line!"

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ‘€︎ u/CaptMcButternut
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2016
🚨︎ report
During a conversation about music my father asked me "Wait, you like Gwen Stefani??"

I replied "No Doubt"

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ‘€︎ u/CptnBo
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2017
🚨︎ report
Time Travelling Van

When I was maybe 7 or 8 my dad was performing some routine maintenance on my mums van, probably an oil change or something. Anyway I asked dad what he was doing and he told me he had installed a time travel device that would take us back in time. My dad is still a geek and at the time the wizardry he could do with electronics left me with no doubts in my mind that he had in fact invented and installed a time travel device in my mums van. When finished he suggested we take it for a test drive.

The next morning we got up quite early, packed a picnic and loaded the family into the van to see the time traveling van in action, we drove for about an hour out of the city to a small town called......Middlemarch.

When we got there he said "Well we're in the middle of march now, and it was December when we left home!"

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ‘€︎ u/BountyHNZ
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2015
🚨︎ report
After having my long hair for the last few years, I finally had most of it cut off

Friends and family seeing my new hair cut for the first time have all asked me the same question:

"Oh, you cut your hair off?"

"No", I respond. I let them struggle with an internal dilemma, doubting reality, wondering if they were losing touch life, until I finally respond, "My hairdresser cut it off."

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ‘€︎ u/lovethebacon
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2015
🚨︎ report
3 4 5


  • I currently live and study in the Philippines

  • One Philippine Peso (β‚±) is approximately 1/40 a dollar. Go check the conversion ratio if you doubt.

  • A single stick of this choco wafer stick right here (called Stick-O) usually costs at about β‚±1

  • I study in a college where student organizations are prevalent and their means of collecting funds is by Fund Raising Activity, i.e., selling consumables to students (usually food at exorbitant retail prices)

Every single time when I see an organization member doing his/her FRA selling Stick-O's, I ask...

Me: How much is that?

FRA: Three for five.

Me: β‚±3 for 5 pieces?

They chuckle in shame. They then correct me:

FRA: No, 3 pieces for β‚±5 pesos

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ‘€︎ u/francis_0000a
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2014
🚨︎ report
My great uncle just dadjoked me with this email.

I have been in many places, but I've never been in Kahoots. Apparently, you

can't go alone. You have to be in Kahoots with someone.

I've also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes you there.

I have, however, been in Sane. They don't have an airport; you have to be

driven there. I have made several trips there, thanks to my children, friends,

family and work.

I would like to go to Conclusions, but you have to jump, and I'm not too much

on physical activity anymore.

I have also been in Doubt. That is a sad place to go, and I try not to visit

there too often. I've been in Flexible, but only when it was very important to

stand firm.

Sometimes I'm in Capable, and I go there more often as I'm getting older.

One of my favorite places to be is in Suspense! It really gets the adrenalin

flowing and pumps up the old heart!

At my age I need all the stimuli I can get!

I may have been in Continent, but I don't remember what country I was in. It's

an age thing. They tell me it is very wet and damp there.


My job is done! Life is too short for negative drama and petty

things. So laugh insanely, love truly and forgive quickly!

From one unstable person to another. I hope everyone is happy in your head -

we're all doing pretty well in mine!

Just kidding. All my travel plans are to doctors and the bathroom.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ‘€︎ u/dantheman757
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2014
🚨︎ report
Canadian Prime Minister dad jokes in an official statement about finding ship that disappeared 160 years ago

"Finding the first vessel will no doubt provide the momentum - or wind in our sails - necessary to locate its sister ship and find out even more about what happened to the Franklin Expedition's crew."

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ‘€︎ u/IAmNotScottBakula
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2014
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.