Neil Wigan Puns

Neil Harris Press Conference - Wigan Home https://qoo.ly/34du35

FT - Scum 5-1 Leeds United

Fernandes 30' Greenwood 52' Fernandes 54' Fernandes 60' Fred 68'

Ayling 48'

Man U XI: De Gea, Wan Bissaka, Lindelof, Maguire, Shaw, McTominay, Fred, Pogba, Bruno Fernandes, James, Greenwood

Subs: Mata, Martial, Andreas Pereira, Dalot, Heaton, Sancho, Matic, Williams, Van de Beek

Leeds United XI: Meslier, Struijk, Koch, Cooper, Ayling, Dallas, Klich, Raphinha, Rodrigo, Harrison, Bamford

Subs: Firpo, Forshaw, Roberts, Klaesson, Helder Costa, Phillips, Shackleton, Summerville, Greenwood

FT - Burnley 1-2 Brighton

Tarkowski 2'

Maupay 73' Mac Allister 78'

Burnley XI: Pope; Lowton, Tarkowski, Mee, Taylor; Gudmundsson, Westwood, Cork, McNeil; Rodriguez, Wood

Brighton XI: Sanchez; Webster, Dunk, Duffy; March, Bissouma, Mwepu, Alzate; Trossard, Gross; Maupay

FT- Chelsea 3-0 Crystal Palace

Alonso 27' Pulisic 40' Chalobah 58'

CFC XI: Mendy; Chalobah, Rudiger, Christensen; Azpilicueta, Jorginho, Kovacic, Mount, Alonso; Pulisic, Werner

CPFC XI: Guaita; Ward, Guehi, Kouyate, Mitchell; Riedewald, McArthur, Schlupp; Zaha, Mateta, Ayew

FT - Blue shite 3-1 Southampton

ADAM ARMSTRONG 22' WHAT A WAY TO MAKE YOUR DEBUT

Richarlison booked for diving

Richarlison 47' Doucoure 76' DCL 81'

Everton XI: Pickford; Coleman, Holgate, Keane, Digne; Townsend, Allan, Doucoure, Gray; Richarlison, Calvert-Lewin

Southampton XI: McCarthy; Stephens, Livramento, Salisu, Perraud; Walcott, Ward-Prowse, Romeu, Djenepo; Adams, A Armstrong

FT - Leicester 1-0 Wolves

Vardy 41'

Leicester XI: Schmeichel; Ricardo, Amartey, Soyuncu, Thomas; Tielemans, Ndidi; Perez, Maddison, Barnes; Vardy.

Wolves XI: Sa; Kilman, Coady, Saiss; Hoever, Neves, Moutinho, Marcal; Traore, Trincao; Jimenez

FT - Watford 3-2 Aston Villa

Dennis 10' Sarr 42' Hernández Suárez 67'

McGinn 70'

Penalty for Villa - Danny Ings scores 97'

Watford XI: Bachmann; Cathcart, Kabasele, Ekong, Masina; Cleverley, Etebo, Kucka; Sarr, Dennis, Sema.

Aston Villa XI: Martinez; Cash, Konsa, Mings, Targett; McGinn, Nakamba; El Ghazi, Buendia, Young; Ings.

Our match vs Norwich at Carrow Road kicks off at 5:30. Catch the updates on the main match thread

Liverpool XI: Alisson, Alexander-Arnold, Matip, van Dijk, Tsimikas, Oxlade-Chamberlain, Milner, Keita, Salah, Jota, Mane

Subs: Fabinho, Konate, Firmino, Gomez, Minamino, Origi, Woodburn, Kelleher, Elliott

Norwich XI: Krul, Aarons, Hanley, Gibson, Giannoulis, Lees

With the year coming to an end I decided to do a review of the year, a month by month look at the results, So let's start with January, Since traditionally that's the first month of the year.

January

So, we played a total of 8 games, 7 in the league, We won 4, drew 2, and lost 1. The biggest win came against Wimbledon, With AOB, Leadbitter, and Scowen getting the goals, I can't remember this game but it probably wasn't as comfortable as the scoreline reads.The draws came in games against 'ull and Northampton Town. The loss was at home against Plymouth and we can put all the blame on McFadzean as he was pretty bad at that defending. We then managed to edge out Port Vale in the Pizza Trophy, So that's nice.

February

Another 8 games awaited in February because of the EFL love for making teams play as many games as possible. 2 of the games were in the Pizza Cup, First off, they had to dispatch MK dons, a 3-0 win away in the hell of Milton Keynes gave the team the opportunity to play Lincoln City in the Semi-Final. A tense game against The Imps, went to a penalty shootout with Sunderland scoring all 5 in the shootout a putting one hand of the crust of the trophy.

In the league apart from draws with MK Dons and Crewe, the boys managed to win all games with Charlie Wyke scoring 4 goals against Doncaster with Aiden Mcgeady getting 4 assists.

March

The team was unbeaten in February and this continued into March, In fact, the team only conceded 1 goal in the month in a 1-1 with lincoln. The standout result in the league came in a 2-0 win away at Fratton Park, the crackden by the sea was witness to Wyke scoring his 16th goal in 16 games.

In Pizza Cup news, The team played the final against Tranmere, wasn't the best of games, Very few chances, but a moment of quality from Aiden McGeady when he paid gooch through to dink the Tranmere keeper was enough to see the team win at Wembley and end the hoodoo

April

As March ended April began and on a Friday night in Sunderland, 3 goals were enough to see off a 10 man oxford united. Oxford had gone 1-0 up in the first half before Gooch pulled level, Oli Sykes from Bring Me the Horizon was then sent off for Oxford for a second yellow and this allowed Geads and Power to finish off the game. This is when it all started to go wrong, the rest of the month we failed to win and the legend of streaky Johnson was born.

We managed to pick up 3 draws, A 1-1 with Peterborough, 2-2 with hull, and 3 all draw wi

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

Do your worst!

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

It really does, I swear!

Because she wanted to see the task manager.

Heard they've been doing some shady business.

BamBOO!

They’re on standbi

but then I remembered it was ground this morning.

Edit: Thank you guys for the awards, they're much nicer than the cardboard sleeve I've been using and reassures me that my jokes aren't stale

Edit 2: I have already been made aware that Men In Black 3 has told a version of this joke before. If the joke is not new to you, please enjoy any of the single origin puns in the comments

Pilot on me!!

Christopher Walken

Nothing, he was gladiator.

Or would that be too forward thinking?

Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.

This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.

If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.

Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.