In recent news, a giant had a troubling discovery when he returned home from work.

After discovering he'd been given a parking ticket, the giant exclaimed in disappointment as he approached his house. This startled a burglar inside, causing him to flee from the property but not before trapping his stubby digit in the door, causing him to leave blood at the scene. Thankfully, the giant's powerful nasal abilities allowed him to aid police as he was able to detected the exact nationality and gender of the robber in question. When interviewed, the giant simplified the story for us by saying,

"Fee, Fie, Foe, Thumb, I smell the blood of an English Man."

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📅︎ Nov 14 2020
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HELP WANTED: the Committee of Underlying Nasal Tissue Symptoms needs a new acronym
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👤︎ u/CVSSR
📅︎ May 17 2019
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My doctor prescribed me a nasal steroid. Now everything has a strong smell.
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📅︎ Jan 31 2019
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Wedding Jokes Needed

I’m officiating a wedding Saturday and want to weave in some of your finest. Please share some of your best to help me deliver some laughs!

Edit: ... help me deliver some eye rolls and long nasal exhalations.

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📅︎ Jul 27 2020
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I won a thumb at a lisp competition, but lost it soon after.

You win thumb, you lose thumb.

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📅︎ Nov 25 2019
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My daughter asked me, "Dad, why is your nose in the middle of your face?"

I smirked and replied, "Because it's the scenter."

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📅︎ Nov 02 2017
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What do you say to a girl with a broken nose?

I broke my nose in a really stupid horse-related accident in Montana.

Dad takes me to the local walk-in clinic. It's mostly empty, as it's around 7pm. As we're giving the insurance information and whatnot to the receptionist, Dad is busy doing that thing where he's texting without his cheaters so he's having to squint and hold the phone away and he's really not paying attention to some question the receptionist is asking...

So I whack him on the arm (with a towel held to my face) and say "Dad, pay attention."

Unblinking, he turns in my direction, without even looking directly at me, he mutters "Shut up, or I'll hit you again."

The receptionist was not pleased. He told the same joke to the doctor who stitched me up, and he laughed his ass off.

Actually, dad cracked so many jokes that the doctor kept having to pause while stitching up my nose. He took so long that the anesthetic wore off and I could definitely feel the last few stitches.

Dr: "Now sir, the stitches are going to cause your daughter's nose to swell quite a bit." Dad: "EVEN BIGGER!? That's amazing!"

Me: "Shut up Dad". Dad: (pinching his nose, speaking nasally) "Shut up Dad".

Unamused 18 year old daughter.

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📅︎ Sep 20 2013
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Been sick lately, went to the doc yesterday. Got my wife good later.

I picked up a head cold from my toddler and was worried about it progressing to something worse. Texted my doc, and he said to come in ASAP. That afternoon, he prescribed for me some cough meds, and a nasal steroid to help with the blockage.

I get home, and after putting the still-snotty kiddo to bed, my wife and I retreated to the boudoir to talk and relax. She wanted to know what Doc prescribed. She gave me the perfect setup for a dad joke.

Me: Oh, some pearls and codeine for the cough, and a steroid spray for my nose.

Wife: Where is it?

Me: (pointing at nose) It's right here in the middle of my face.

She laughed. Good thing we were far enough away we didn't wake up the kid.

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📅︎ Apr 24 2018
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A man recently won a marathon in a photo finish, beating his rival by a nose

In the post race interview he said in a nasally voice: I won because I have a cold. So I was extra runny.

... This was terrible.

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📅︎ Jun 27 2017
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My dad jokes are strong.

My two year old sees me using nasal spray and ask "What's that?". I say " "Nose spray". She asks "What's it for?" I say "It helps Daddy smell better" as I chuckle to myself.

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👤︎ u/BigWaz
📅︎ May 19 2015
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