NKVD troika Puns

Hey everyone! Back again this time with Novosibirsk. It is not as in-depth as other, more so focusing on just how to get very leader, but hope you like it nonetheless. As always, if anything looks wrong or you think should be clarified, kindly let me know so I can change it. And yes, since the history of Krasnoyarsk and Novosibirsk are tied so closely, they share the same intro:

Mikhail Kalinin’s tenure as head of the Soviet Union was short-lived. Installed after the Fall of Moscow and death of Joseph Stalin, Kalinin died not long after in 1946. Through political wrangling, Lavrentiy Beria was able to oust his replacement and take over the remnants of the Soviet Union.

What followed were massive purges that fractured the Union; some of the opposition fled east and formed a Soviet Republic at Novosibirsk, while Beria and the rest of the Soviet remnants were left at Perm. Led by Premier, and General-Secretary Andrei Zhdanov, the Novosibirsk government was, though nominally headed by Andrei Zhdanov, controlled behind the scenes by a Troika consisting of Georgy Zhukov, Nikita Khrushchev and Nikolai Voznesensky. After Zhukov and his supporters split to form a rival government in the east over the hardline Stalinist policies of Zhdanov, known as Zhdanovism, a Dvoyka of Khrushchev and Voznesensky were left. Khrushchev leads the Majority faction (Rev. Communist) of the Party, while the ruling Minority faction (Marxist-Leninist) is led by Zhdanov. By 1952, with Zhdanov’s health in continued decline, thanks in no small part to his severe drinking, a new General-Secretary may soon be taking over…

Starting Situation

As a new year dawns, a new session of the Politburo (also known as the Presidium) will be called by Zhdanov, though he is too sick to physically attend. If he feels well enough, he can give a speech over the radio (in which he will appoint Voznesensky Premier), or he can stay home and rest.

Zhdanov death chain and sucessors

A week after his speech/rest, Zhdanov will be found dead in office. Deputy Premier Aleksandr Scherbakov will be installed as his successor. Like Zhdanov, Scherbakov is a very heavy drinker. It catches up to him not a week later, dying of a heart attack at his

Title says it all, and I'd like a deeper dive than Wikipedia gives.

According to the Wiki hive-mind, Beria was the head of the NKVD during WWII and in the post-war period. Beria was also a part of the troika that was supposed to rule after Stalin's death. He is thought to have helped spread the Soviet sphere of influence in Eurasia in a manner much like the CIA did the American sphere of influence.

However, unlike friend of the pod Allen Dulles, Beria is also credibly accused of being a serial rapist and murderer. Stalin phoned his daughter to tell her to leave immediately when he learned she was at his house unescorted. Alexander Poskrebyshev warned his daughter to never accept a ride from Beria. He also raped Tatiana Okunevskaya, a famed actress, telling her that he would release her family members from imprisonment in exchange for sex when he knew that they had already been executed.

It is thought that Beria would pick teenagers and young women off the streets of Moscow to take back to his villa to rape, and if they resisted, murder. In 1993, when construction crews were digging up around Beria's former residence, they found multiple sets of human bones that are thought to have been his victims.

Tankies believe that Great Purge of the Soviet Union was yezhovs fault, who acted independently of Stalin. This is simply not true.

Stephen Kotkin went through Stalin’s office logs and, u surprisingly, yezhov was the one who visited Stalin the most. They met almost every work day, and that’s not including phone calls or telegrams or whatever else. It is clear that Stalin was intimately involved with the purges.

Want more proof?

"In the light of the documents that we possess, we can claim with complete assurance that every step of the organs of state security toward the realization of the "great terror" thoroughly conformed with Stalin's intentions. His instructions were incorporated into the methodology of investigators, prosecutors, and judges. N. L Exhov acted the part of most zealous executor. So, in May of 1937, he sent Stalin a copy of A. G. Beloborodov statement about person sharing the views of the Trotskyists. Stalin was dissatisfied with the contents of this document and sent Ezhov the following note:

To Ezhov.

One might think that prison for Beloborodov is a podium for reading speeches, statements which refer to the activities of all sorts of people but not to himself Isn't it me to squeeze this gentleman and make him tell about his dirty deeds? Where is he, in prison or in a hotel?

I. St.".

Stalinist Terror, new interpretations by J Arch Getty

“Stalin was actively engaged in managing repressive measures in 1937. Documents show that he personally authorized increasing quotas for arrests and executions in many regions. Nor did he go away for vacation in 1937, something he had done in all recent years, usually leaving in July or August and staying away until October. On 17 January 1938, when the decision had to be made whether or not to put a halt to large-scale operations, Stalin sent Commissar of Internal Affairs Yezhov the following directive.

“The SR [Socialist Revolutionary] line (both left and right) has not been fully uncovered. [. . .] It is important to keep in mind that there are Stalin and the Great Terror 183 still many SRs in our army and outside the army. Can the NKVD account for the SRs (the “former”) in the army? I would like to see a report promptly. Can the NKVD account for “former” SRs outside the army (in civil institutions)? I also would like a report in two–three weeks. [. . .]

What has been done to expose and arrest all Iranians in Baku and Azerbaijan?

For your information, at one time the SRs were very strong in

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

5 March 1953

###Kuntsevo Dacha

21:50

He was pronounced dead. After Stalin's blood pressure continued to spike, doctors - under the watchful eye of Lavrentiy Beria - did everything they could - but they were simply prolonging the inevitable. Beria made the call, and at 9:50PM Stalin passed away, peacefully and unconscious.

Now, the difficult part began.

Beria ordered the Dacha to be continued to be locked down. Although he was no longer head of the NKVD, Beria still had considerable sway with individuals within the successor organization. Calling upon his man Vsevolod Merkulov, an officer in the MVD, Beria wanted the Dacha secured by men he could trust.

None of the staff in the Dacha were permitted to leave, and Beria ordered that all phones were disabled, save a single one.

Beria then spent some time alone with the phone, calling Moscow.

As it was late at night, the government was closed for the day. Calling private apartments, Beria first called Stalin's close friend, Kliment Voroshilov. Informing the man that his friend from the Civil War had passed, Voroshilov became audibly distraught. Beria, being as comforting as a man like him can be, tried to calm the distraught cavalry officer, before asking him to inform Budyonny, as well as Stalin's children - Vasily and Svetlana.

Next, was informing Molotov. Groggily answering the phone, Vyacheslav Molotov soon sprang to life, and insisted on coming to the Dacha to see Stalin himself. Beria declined, saying that he needed Molotov to begin making preparations in Moscow for a funeral. Molotov reluctantly accepted, and soon hung up, but insisted that he needed to speak to Beria privately, in person, as soon as possible.

Molotov quickly phoned Nikolai Voznesensky, and asked him to take over the planning of the funeral. The man ran Gosplan and could recite figures for tractor parts like they were written on the back of his hand - he was capable of planning a state funeral. Molotov had few ideas for who to phone - but he was certain that he did not enjoy the idea of Beria having free reign. He would need allies in the coming days. Looking through the list of men in the Presidium, Molotov bleakly pondered who he could trust.

Nikolai Bulganin and Kliment Voroshilov were loyal to Stalin, but they were not the most capable.

Maksim Saburov and Nikolai Voznesensky were capable men, but not interested in a power struggle.

Semyon Ignatyev was one of Beria's me

The nurse asked the rabbit, “what is your blood type?”

“I am probably a type O” said the rabbit.

The doctor says it terminal.

Alot of great jokes get posted here! However just because you have a joke, doesn't mean it's a dad joke.

THIS IS NOT ABOUT NSFW, THIS IS ABOUT LONG JOKES, BLONDE JOKES, SEXUAL JOKES, KNOCK KNOCK JOKES, POLITICAL JOKES, ETC BEING POSTED IN A DAD JOKE SUB

Try telling these sexual jokes that get posted here, to your kid and see how your spouse likes it.. if that goes well, Try telling one of your friends kid about your sex life being like Coca cola, first it was normal, than light and now zero , and see if the parents are OK with you telling their kid the "dad joke"

I'm not even referencing the NSFW, I'm saying Dad jokes are corny, and sometimes painful, not sexual

So check out r/jokes for all types of jokes

r/unclejokes for dirty jokes

r/3amjokes for real weird and alot of OC

r/cleandadjokes If your really sick of seeing not dad jokes in r/dadjokes

Punchline !

Edit: this is not a post about NSFW , This is about jokes, knock knock jokes, blonde jokes, political jokes etc being posted in a dad joke sub

Edit 2: don't touch the thermostat

Do your worst!

How the hell am I suppose to know when it’s raining in Sweden?

A Brief Timeline:

1917: Red Guards were paramilitary volunteer formations consisting mainly of factory workers, peasants, cossacks and partially of soldiers and sailors for 'protection of the soviet power'. Red Guards were a transitional military force of the collapsing Imperial Russian Army and the base formations of Bolsheviks during the October Revolution and the first months of the Russian Civil War. Most of them were formed in the time frame of the Russian Revolution of 1917. The Red Guards formations were organized across most of the former Russian Empire, including territories outside the contemporary Russian Federation such as Finland, Poland, Estonia, Ukraine, and others. They were not centralized and were formed by decision of a local political party and local soviet members. By fighting to protect and extend the power of the soviets, they aided the creation of a new state that (according to its original conception) would give 'all power to the soviets': the Soviet Union.

1918: The Russian Imperial Romanov family (Nicholas II of Russia, his wife Alexandra Feodorovna, and their five children: Olga, Tatiana, Maria, Anastasia, and Alexei) were shot and bayoneted to death by Bolshevik revolutionaries under Yakov Yurovsky on the orders of the Ural Regional Soviet in Yekaterinburg on the night of 16–17 July 1918. Also murdered that night were retainers who had accompanied them, notably Eugene Botkin, Anna Demidova, Alexei Trupp, and Ivan Kharitonov. The bodies were taken to the Koptyaki forest, where they were stripped, buried, and mutilated with grenades to prevent identification. In 1919, the White movement commissioned an investigation but were unable to find the unmarked gravesite. The investigator concluded that the imperial family's remains had been cremated at the mineshaft Ganina Yama, since evidence of fire was found there. In 1979 and 2007, the remains of the bodies were found in two unmarked graves in a field called Porosenkov Log. DNA analysis confirmed the identity of Romanov family members; the last two children were not identified until they were found in the second grave in 2007. Following the February Revolution, the Romanov family and their servants had been imprisoned in the Alexander Palace before being moved to Tobolsk, Siberia. They were next moved to a house in Yekaterinburg, near the Ural Mountains before their execution in July 1918 at the command of Vladimir Lenin. The Bolsheviks initially announced only Nichola

Mathematical puns makes me number

We told her she can lean on us for support. Although, we are going to have to change her driver's license, her height is going down by a foot. I don't want to go too far out on a limb here but it better not be a hack job.

Ants don’t even have the concept fathers, let alone a good dad joke. Keep r/ants out of my r/dadjokes.

But no, seriously. I understand rule 7 is great to have intelligent discussion, but sometimes it feels like 1 in 10 posts here is someone getting upset about the jokes on this sub. Let the mods deal with it, they regulate the sub.

They were cooked in Greece.

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

He lost May

Now that I listen to albums, I hardly ever leave the house.

Two muffins are in an oven, one muffin looks at the other and says "is it just me, or is it hot in here?"

Then the other muffin says "AHH, TALKING MUFFIN!!!"

Don't you know a good pun is its own reword?

Said if she ever hosts a gender reveal party, when it comes time to pop the balloon she'll spray everyone with water.

Gender is fluid.

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

It really does, I swear!

And now I’m cannelloni

Because she wanted to see the task manager.

But that’s comparing apples to oranges

And boy are my arms legs.

Amy

Put it on my bill

Heard they've been doing some shady business.

but then I remembered it was ground this morning.

Edit: Thank you guys for the awards, they're much nicer than the cardboard sleeve I've been using and reassures me that my jokes aren't stale

Edit 2: I have already been made aware that Men In Black 3 has told a version of this joke before. If the joke is not new to you, please enjoy any of the single origin puns in the comments

BamBOO!

They’re on standbi

A play on words.

Calcium, nickel, neon

My daughter, Chewbecca, not so much.

Pilot on me!!

Continuing my series debunking Tankie Soviet historical revisionism and denial, I move on to the great purge and national operations of the NKVD. Tankies believe that the purges were yezhovs fault, who acted independently of Stalin. This is simply not true.

Stephen Kotkin went through Stalin’s office logs and, u surprisingly, yezhov was the one who visited Stalin the most. They met almost every work day, and that’s not including phone calls or telegrams or whatever else. It is clear that Stalin was intimately involved with the purges.

Want more proof?

"In the light of the documents that we possess, we can claim with complete assurance that every step of the organs of state security toward the realization of the "great terror" thoroughly conformed with Stalin's intentions. His instructions were incorporated into the methodology of investigators, prosecutors, and judges. N. L Exhov acted the part of most zealous executor. So, in May of 1937, he sent Stalin a copy of A. G. Beloborodov statement about person sharing the views of the Trotskyists. Stalin was dissatisfied with the contents of this document and sent Ezhov the following note:

To Ezhov.

One might think that prison for Beloborodov is a podium for reading speeches, statements which refer to the activities of all sorts of people but not to himself Isn't it me to squeeze this gentleman and make him tell about his dirty deeds? Where is he, in prison or in a hotel?

I. St.".

Stalinist Terror, new interpretations by J Arch Getty

“Stalin was actively engaged in managing repressive measures in 1937. Documents show that he personally authorized increasing quotas for arrests and executions in many regions. Nor did he go away for vacation in 1937, something he had done in all recent years, usually leaving in July or August and staying away until October. On 17 January 1938, when the decision had to be made whether or not to put a halt to large-scale operations, Stalin sent Commissar of Internal Affairs Yezhov the following directive.

“The SR [Socialist Revolutionary] line (both left and right) has not been fully uncovered. [. . .] It is important to keep in mind that there are Stalin and the Great Terror 183 still many SRs in our army and outside the army. Can the NKVD account for the SRs (the “former”) in the army? I would like to see a report promptly. Can the NKVD account for “former” SRs outside the army (in civil institutions)? I also would like a report in two–three weeks. [. . .]

What has been