My fencing opponent laughed at me for bringing a block of cheddar to a sword fight.
Until he discovered it was extra sharp.
After an argument i threw a aandpaper block at my wife.
Some said that's rough but i think it'll smoothen things out.
My 13 year old just asked me "is it called a windshield because it blocks the wind?" I said "Yep, guess what they call the one that blocks the rain?"
A rainshield? she said.
Nope... an umbrella.
True story. Just happened.
My mother threw away all my building blocks
I’m that elf from lord of the rings
I just heard about a meeting my neighborhood held about the crazy person on our block…
It’s odd that they didn’t invite me.
My friend fell into a block of ice.
It was a solid crash ngl.
Playing with my son and his alphabet blocks... I saw my opportunity
I asked my wife if she "wanted the D"
For the past few days, I wake up to see someone has dumped a bunch of LEGO blocks on my front porch.
I don’t know what to make of it.
I decided to throw a block of butter off my roof today...
I guess i could say that i saw a butterfly
My two year old was playing cars and blocks with my wife, when she (the toddler) put a block on the road on her city map carpet and said:
One day, as I was walking home, someone threw a block of cheese at my head. I thought-
“That’s not very mature!”
My friend sent me this (don’t worry I didn’t block her)
Told my girlfriend that the wreath she bought was great, but please make sure it doesn't block the doorway.
Because then it would be a Great Barrier Wreath.
My neighbor denies throwing a cinder block through my front window,
But I have concrete evidence.
My wife threw a block of cheddar at my head
I went "well that's mature"
My office block has a Schindler's lift
Spotted in front of a bar on my block
My friend was arrested because he was carving equations into a block of quartz.
He was charged with manufacturing crystal math.
On my way to work today, a man assaulted me by throwing a block of cheese and a bar of butter at me.
Somebody asked me how I make the snow blocks for my igloos in the winter.
I said: Usually igloo them together.
I was going through my twitter account, and remembered I write puns when I have writer’s block. Hopefully this counts.
Got my wife in H&R Block
When my wife arrived at their office there was some confusion. I got there a couple of mins later while they where trying to figure it out.
Tax Guy: it seems someone made a mistake and made the appointment in the Marshville office.
Wife: I don't even know where that office is.
Me: It's in Marshville.
the Tax Guy and I got a good laugh, The Wife just rolled her eyes like always.
*edit: spelling
My kid just stacked some letter blocks like so:
F
F
U
T
S
S
I
H
T
You couldn't make this stuff up.
This morning I climbed up to the beehive in my yard and used putty to block the exit.
My dad gave me some advice on writer's block.
"Forcing creative work is like forcing a fart...it will probably come out much worse than you had hoped."
I was walking with my golf clubs a couple blocks to my car.
I stopped next to a Dad at a street corner. He looked at me and said "heh... must have been a pretty bad slice".
My friend threw a block of butter at me.
I decided to get my friends 2 sets of Alphabet Blocks each for Christmas
So now whenever I tell a dad joke they can roll their Is!
Someone threw a block of cheese into my window
I said to myself that wasn’t very mature
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