Movies.com Puns

“Supplies!”

Someday my prints will come…

They’re calling it “Finding Chemo”

A simp phony.

I walked by while my wife and daughter were watching a Rom-Com on TV. In the movie a hunk of a guy walked by the female lead, who said "Be still my beating heart." I yelled - "Don't, you'll die!" My daughter laughed and my wife rolled her eyes. So I think that counts.

What tree do you wipe your hands on? A palm tree!

I heard a scary math joke, but I’m 2^^2 to tell it!

Have you heard of that new movie, “Constipation”? Well it doesn’t matter, it never came out.

I hurt myself when I went to a theme park in florida. When I went to the doctor, he started wrapping up my left leg, but then I pointed at my right and said “No, doc, it’s dis knee.”

Last night I got mugged by 6 dwarves. Not Happy.

When Queen Elizabeth farts, everyone in the room must pretend like nothing happened. Noble Gasses don’t cause reactions, after all.

What’s the difference between a seal and a sea lion? One electron.

What happens to nitrogen when the sun rises? It becomes Daytrogen!

I called the animal shelter today and said "I've found six kittens in a suitcase in the woods." They said "Are they moving?" I replied "I don't know, but that would explain the suitcase."

Why can’t you trust Atoms? Because they make up everything!

Why do nerds wear glasses? It helps with division.

Why should you tiptoe past the medicine cabinet? You don’t wanna wake the sleeping pills.

What twitches and is found at the bottom of the ocean? A nervous wreck!

What do you call a fat psychic? A four chin teller!

What do you call a 3 foot tall psychic on the run from the law? A small medium at large!

Help, I can’t stop reading books with female protagonists! I’m a heroine addict!

How did Sparticus react when he ate his wife for dinner? He was gladiator!

When does a joke become a dad joke? When the punchline becomes apparent!

19 and 20 got into a fight… 21.

My friend told me, “People who sell meat are disgusting!” So I said, “Yeah, well people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer!”

How can turtles take photos of themselves? Shell-fie sticks!

What do you call a secret agent molecule? Bond… ionic bond. “Taken, not shared.” What did the dinosaur say to the other dinosaur? (Cut this part, but make a screeching noise)

How much does Santa’s sleigh cost? $0, it’s on the house.

If America switched from pounds to kilograms overnight there would be mass confusion.

I had a splinter once; it eventually got out of hand.

I’m going to go stand outside. If anyone asks, I’m outstanding.

Most people are shocked to find out how terrible an electrician I am!

What do mermaids wash their fins with? Tide What’s the coolest place to use the bathroom? The Lil Jon

Did you know that on average, people want three covers on their bed at all times? But that’s just a blanket statem

Hello,

I am requesting help with remembering a joke. Posts of this type did not seem to be against the subreddit's rules, but if I am in error, please let me know and delete my post.

Anyway, here is what I remember of the joke:

It is movie themed and it says something like this: "There should be a post-apocalyptic zombie movie with a romantic comedy element. Then we would have the world's first rom-com-zom-dom-bomb." The only thing is that I forget what the "dom" was supposed to mean and whether or not there is more to this joke, either in the set-up or the punchline. I googled it to no avail. Any help is appreciated.

Thank you

- Where do hamsters live?

Hamsterdam

- What do we call a non-pro hamster?

Hamasteur

- Who is the president of hamsters?

Abrahamster Lincoln
- Which website has the hamster movie?

Xhamster dot com

- Why do hamsters eat sunflower seed?

Because they're hungry

On Oct. 29, 2019, the world lost a legend. Esteemed actor and comedian, John "Pops" Witherspoon, passed away at the age of 77. After making his acting debut on The Richard Pryor Show in 1977, Witherspoon starred in cultural classics like Good Times, House Party, I'm Gonna Git You Sucka, Bebe's Kids, Boomerang, Soul Plane, I Got the Hook-Up, The Wayans Bros, all three of the revered Friday movies and many more. https://4ormypeople.com/mood/2019/10/30/rip-john-pops-witherspoon

but now he is going to Dolittle

Note: RDJ Dolittle movie trailer - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FEf412bSPLs

I get texts like this often

My dad sends my whole family his mini movies

"Written, voice & Directed by me. Moon played your mother."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lqbvF-nX9YQ

Dad(Sitting on the computer behind me): Thewierdside come here a second.

ignore because of GTAV

Dad: Thewierdside!

Me: I'm coming!

Dad: Hi coming, i'm ejaculating.

do you know what an awkward laugh sounds like? because i do. It's when you laugh hysterically for 2 seconds then abruptly fade when you realise what your dad just said....

EDIT:

Oh yea, and why'd he call me on to the computer? he wanted a place to watch movies, so after that debacle, i suggested going to /r/fullmoviesonyoutube

Me: www.reddit.com slash r slash Full, Movies, on, youtube. no space

He, of course, wrote:

www.reddit.com/r/fullmoviesonyoutubenospace

said it wasnt working then laughed when he told me he typed in exactly what i said.

This one requires a little backstory:

There's a cardgame called WHOT! It's just uno but with different shapes. Me and my dad used to play it a lot.

Unfortunately it's led to the same terrible joke being made repeatedly over the last 10 years or so. It goes something like this:

Dad: "You'll never guess what film's on tv tonight."

Me: "What?"

Dad: "No, I don't think they made a movie out of that. It's a card game."

It's literally been going on for over a decade now and it pains me deep inside my soul every time he says it.

So I was hanging out with friends and they told me about this movie Rubber. It's a movie about a tire that goes around and kills people. I had never heard of it so I asked if the tire won any awards because it would be funny to see them roll out a tire to a podium. My buddy across the table says "Yeah, it had a pretty Goodyear."

The other day i was watching a movie with my 7y old daughter..

The Disney logo appears and i say to her: 'Hey, Look it's Disnep

She says: 'No daddy, The P must be pronounced as a Y'

Next screen is the 'Yixar Logo'..

The look on her face... Yriceless* (thnx wikoff)

Going to the movies

A little back story: I drove to NYC a few years ago when I was 19 and ended up getting my car towed because I was illegally parked. Ever since then, I've been wary about possibly parking illegally. Today, I met up with my girlfriend at a museum and then left my car in the museum parking lot when we went to go see a movie. I was worried about my car possibly being towed so I texted my mom asking her what she thought.

http://imgur.com/SQLRUA2

We went to see Jumper. As we went to go buy our tickets my dad said, "Hi, two tickets to that movie about a sweater please." I groaned loudly.

http://i.imgur.com/7GIVkgO.png Not a spoiler for the movie, but a spoiler no less.

http://cdn.parentsshouldnttext.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/constipation-copy.jpg

Dad:Have you heard of the movie Constipation?

Idiot: Can't say I have

Dad:That's because it hasn't come out yet.