Not to brag, but yesterday I beat our local chess champion in less than 5 moves.
Finally my high school Karate lessons came to some use.
π︎ 4k
π
︎ Feb 20 2021
What do cowboys use to move from state to state?
π︎ 75
π
︎ Feb 19 2021
I'd really like to move to Switzerland one day
I hear the flag's a real plus.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Feb 21 2021
Laying on the grass...βtwo tiredβ...to move
π︎ 39
π
︎ Dec 20 2020
Finland is offering foreign tech workers the chance to relocate to the Nordic country for 90 days to see if they want to make the move permanent.
If they don't, after the 90 days they will finnish being Finnish
π︎ 11
π
︎ Dec 27 2020
What do you call the 2nd richest man, when he moves to Mexico?
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jan 10 2021
I asked some clams to help me move but all they wanted to do was sit there and breathe seawater.
I told them they were just being shellfish.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Jan 08 2021
The flag is not the only reason to move to Switzerland
π︎ 179
π
︎ Oct 30 2020
Which lawn decorations move around from yard to yard?
Gnomads.
(I'm not a dad but I came up with this one last year and have been dying to share it.)
π︎ 1k
π
︎ Aug 23 2020
My friend said that its impossible for a river to move through the desert.
I told him he was in deNile.
π︎ 9
π
︎ Dec 25 2020
Which country did Usain Bolt move to after his retirement?
π︎ 49
π
︎ Oct 09 2020
Upon seeing a gorgeous girl at the party, I knew I had to meet her. So I approached and told her about a special-purpose ship designed to move and navigate through frozen waters, and provide safe waterways for other boats and ships.
I've used it before and it works. It's the perfect icebreaker.
π︎ 31
π
︎ Oct 29 2020
What do anti-police protesters use to move around in New York City?
A cab
(It came to mind and I have no wish for it to be political)
π︎ 5
π
︎ Nov 07 2020
Once, I agreed to help Death move his couch to his new place.
After we got there, I realized I forgot those things youβre supposed to sit on. There were reaper cushions.
π︎ 9
π
︎ Jul 28 2020
What do you call a donkey that refuses to move?
π︎ 43
π
︎ Aug 11 2020
I told my dad that I was planning to move to the Arctic circle for a few months.
He said, βI donβt like your latitude.β
π︎ 13
π
︎ Aug 31 2020
I need to move out of my parent's house
Their wifi password is " our40yrsoldbaby", i mean come on I'm 45.
π︎ 11
π
︎ Oct 05 2020
I got a fake passport to move to Sydney
π︎ 9
π
︎ Aug 10 2020
Due to the state of the pandemic I decided to move to my house boat for a while
π︎ 12
π
︎ Aug 05 2020
I move America last month and I'm still try to learning English
Teacher : Juan, create a sentence using the word "harmony"
Me: i tell my girlfriend that my money is harmony. We share everything together.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Aug 27 2020
Someone pulled me aside and asked me to move
So I went back to where I was.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Aug 28 2020
Being a wheelchair user must be wheelie hard to move on especially when someone walks out on you
π︎ 59
π
︎ May 07 2020
If you move to a Polynesian country and wonder if the natives will accept you, just know there will be
π︎ 4
π
︎ Aug 12 2020
Around the turn of 1900, two Friars move to London to start up a florist shop. Well this didn't sit well with the established florist shop down on the corner.
The other shop owner called his buddy to have someone trash their store. They sent Hugh, big guy like 6'3'' 300pounds. Hugh goes in and busts the store up and scares the Friars off, sending them back to the monastery.
The moral of the story is, Hugh and only Hugh can prevent Florist Friars.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jul 05 2020
What is the best tool to make a car move?
π︎ 14
π
︎ May 08 2020
π︎ 491
π
︎ Jun 22 2019
What do you call it when you move a rabbit from one spot to another?
π︎ 15
π
︎ Jun 15 2020
I started my new job at the local hospital helping to move patients around the hospital
Itβs not much, but itβs a rewarding job
π︎ 81
π
︎ Jan 25 2020
What does Darth Vader use to move up and down?
π︎ 3
π
︎ May 15 2020
Why did the turtle retire and move to the south pole?
He couldn't handle any more hare-racing adventures
π︎ 7
π
︎ Mar 22 2020
If you want to live drama-free, you should move to India.
They don't have beef with anyone.
π︎ 13
π
︎ Mar 21 2020
"Ho, ho, ho," the jolly bastard mused, unaware I'd been slinking in the shadows for days, ready to unleash my revenge. I'd memorized his patterns, followed his every move, and had set the perfect trap. Down the chimney, ensnared by my noose, and left hanging above the fireplace; I got what I wanted.
π︎ 12
π
︎ Mar 05 2020
SLPT: If your priest or bishop is molesting your children, tell them to run away in a straight line as priests and bishops can only move diagonally.
/r/ShittyLifeProTips/commβ¦
π︎ 6
π
︎ Dec 28 2019
I want to move to Sweden.
Her: Why what's good about Sweden?
Me: I don't know, but there flag is a big plus.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Nov 24 2019
How do you call it when your previous wife moves to New York from a small town?
π︎ 3
π
︎ Mar 10 2020
A reason to move to Switzerland
π︎ 37
π
︎ Aug 31 2019
If a guy moves to a country because it's flag is big plus, but does not become a citizen of said country,
Does that make him Swede-ish?
π︎ 3
π
︎ Feb 11 2020
Not to brag, but I beat our local chess champion in less than 5 moves yesterday.
Finally my high school karate lessons came to some use.
π︎ 163
π
︎ Dec 07 2020
Not to brag, but I defeated our local chess champion in less than 5 moves.
Finally my high school karate lessons came to some use.
π︎ 553
π
︎ Jul 29 2020
Not to brag, but I beat the local chess champion in less than 5 moves yesterday.
Finally my high school karate lessons came of some use.
π︎ 97
π
︎ May 01 2020
I told my mom that Iβm planning to move to the Arctic circle for the next few months.
She said, βI donβt like your latitude.β
π︎ 4
π
︎ May 25 2020
Not to brag, but yesterday I beat the state chess champion in less than five moves.
Finally my high school karate lessons came to some use.
π︎ 5k
π
︎ May 11 2018
Why did the turtle retire and move to the south pole?
He couldn't handle any more hare-racing adventures
π︎ 6
π
︎ Mar 22 2020
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