π︎ 2k
π
︎ Aug 29 2017
π︎ 32
π
︎ May 15 2015
π︎ 51
π
︎ Jul 25 2018
Thereβs tons of liquidity in this market
π︎ 381
π
︎ Feb 03 2021
The police just showed up at my house and arrested my bottle of water. They said he was wanted in 3 states...
π︎ 398
π
︎ Feb 09 2021
My wife claims that a man in camouflage is really sexy.
π︎ 9k
π
︎ Mar 17 2020
An alcoholic wakes up in jail and asks the nearest officer why he's there
"For excessive drinking" the officer replies
So the prisoner replies "Great, when do we start?"
π︎ 400
π
︎ Feb 23 2021
I'm sorry, but I'm extremely proud of this one, and nobody in the chat found it funny =(
π︎ 4k
π
︎ Jan 14 2020
Just went in to Starbucks and the barista was wearing a face mask.
I asked "Why are you wearing a surgical mask?"
She said "I'm not, it's a coughy filter."
π︎ 7k
π
︎ Mar 05 2020
I come in peas
π︎ 3k
π
︎ Feb 12 2020
When you order a large combo meal in north korea what size is your drink?
π︎ 116
π
︎ Feb 04 2021
How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
π︎ 9k
π
︎ Jan 21 2020
I went to the zoo yesterday and I saw a piece of toast in a cage.
When I asked the keeper why, he said, "It was bread in captivity!"
π︎ 9k
π
︎ Feb 27 2020
I listened to Queen albums for 12 hours in a row, and now I feel a little sick.
It must be the high Mercury content.
π︎ 9k
π
︎ Dec 01 2019
McConnell slams Bernie Sanders defence bill delay as an attempt to βdefund the Pentagonβ. Progressive senator likely is forcing Senate to remain in session through 2 January
independent.co.uk/news/woβ¦
π︎ 87k
π
︎ Dec 30 2020
I just started a business where we specialize in weighing tiny objects.
Itβs a small scale operation.
π︎ 10k
π
︎ Feb 17 2020
Gourd in ram z
π︎ 11
π
︎ Jan 29 2021
In the Closet
π︎ 4k
π
︎ Mar 15 2020
My boss said to me, βYou are the worst train operator ever. How many trains have you derailed in the past year?β
I said, βIβm not sure. Itβs so hard to keep track.β
π︎ 11k
π
︎ Jan 05 2020
Do they allow loud laughing in Hawaii...
π︎ 82
π
︎ Jan 30 2021
Why did Stalin only write in lower case?
He was afraid of Capitalism.
π︎ 9k
π
︎ Jan 14 2020
This sub in a nutshell.
π︎ 5k
π
︎ Oct 18 2019
Source in comments
π︎ 5k
π
︎ Jan 19 2020
What do you call someone who doesnβt fart in public?
π︎ 8k
π
︎ Jan 03 2020
My wife says I'm the cheapest man in the world.
π︎ 8k
π
︎ Jan 15 2020
My wife screamed in pain during labor so I asked, βWhatβs wrong?β. She screamed. βThese contractions are going to kill me!!β
βI am sorry, honey,β I replied. βWhat is wrong?β
π︎ 15k
π
︎ Aug 03 2019
I can't find my 'Gone in 60 Seconds' DVD.
It was here a minute ago.
π︎ 10k
π
︎ Jan 29 2020
A mime in my town was arrested yesterday after he broke his left arm in a bar fight.
He still has the right to remain silent.
π︎ 7k
π
︎ Nov 09 2019
I purchased $1000 in Bose stock today
My accountant said it would be a sound investment.
π︎ 22
π
︎ Feb 03 2021
Link In Bio
π︎ 3k
π
︎ Nov 15 2019
My deaf girlfriend was talking in her sleep last night.
Damn near poked my eye out.
π︎ 11k
π
︎ Sep 17 2019
I'm looking to sell my Delorean. Itβs in Great condition, low mileage..
Only driven from time to time!
π︎ 10k
π
︎ Sep 27 2019
I started pulling the "Hi hungry, I'm dad" routine with my two-year-old. A couple days in, I asked her if she was hungry.
She just laughs and says, "Silly Daddy, I'm not hungry, I'm Nona." I didn't expect to be a grandfather so soon...
π︎ 10k
π
︎ Aug 17 2019
I've started investing in stocks...
Mostly beef, chicken, and vegetable.
One day I hope to be a bouillonaire.
π︎ 8k
π
︎ Aug 28 2019
Illinois police say they've arrested a juvenile in at least one fatal shooting during protests in Kenosha, Wisconsin
wsiltv.com/2020/08/26/illβ¦
π︎ 52k
π
︎ Aug 26 2020
Coughy filter (source: PunHub)
π︎ 4k
π
︎ Mar 06 2020
*Laughs in Toucan*
π︎ 1k
π
︎ Feb 12 2020
People living in third world countries, what is something that is a part of your everyday life that people in first world countries would not understand / cope with?
π︎ 47k
π
︎ Sep 04 2020
People in Athens hate getting up early
Because Dawn is tough on Greece
π︎ 6k
π
︎ Jun 17 2019
I'm on a plane and the lunch choices are: white meat chicken or German sausage. Unfortunately, I'm seated in the last row.
I'm hoping for the breast, but preparing
for the wurst.
π︎ 9k
π
︎ Oct 08 2019
Is mother is ravioli in her grave
π︎ 4k
π
︎ Mar 21 2019
nostalga kicks in
π︎ 3k
π
︎ Aug 01 2019
Seems a little inappropriate having a strip club across the road from Mini golf in town. Iβm a pretty liberal guy but if Iβm having a day out with my family the last thing I want to look across the road and see is a bunch of losers playing mini golf.
π︎ 12k
π
︎ May 07 2019
What profession do dogs specialize in?
π︎ 55
π
︎ Jan 17 2021
I always carry a pebble with me to throw at people who sing Christmas songs in October.
I call it my jingle bell rock.
π︎ 8k
π
︎ Oct 28 2019
Did you know the people in Dubai donβt like the flinstones...
But the people in Abu Dhabi Do
π︎ 8k
π
︎ May 31 2019
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
