My mother-in-law asked me to drop her to church and I did it.

We were in an airplane.

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👤︎ u/tyyppi_00
📅︎ Jun 21 2019
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The local church's Mother Superior has the worst drinking habit I've ever seen,

bar nun.

👍︎ 9
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👤︎ u/phiv555
📅︎ Sep 06 2018
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Mom won Mother's Day at the expense of the church organist

Sitting in the backyard on a beautiful Mother's Day evening, the topic turned to our church organist who is absolutely awful and serves as the source of much pain and humor for my family.

Dad: After all these years you would think he would be able to play at least one song without a mistake.

Mom: In his defense, the pay is almost nonexistent. It's basically volunteer. So his heart is in the right place. pause His fingers just aren't!

Belly laughs all around. She was bright red laughing at her own joke. Well deserved.

👍︎ 6
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📅︎ May 12 2014
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Which is stretchier -- rubber or skin?

Skin, because Jesus tied his ass to a tree and walked to Jerusalem.

(A mom joke! By my 88-year-old church-going mother-in-law.)

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👤︎ u/MintOtter
📅︎ Jul 15 2020
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Using my toddler for the setup

My wife was getting ready for church and I was in charge of dressing the kids. I got my son dressed and told him to go tell his mother.

Son: "Daddy and I are best buds".

Wife: "That's great to hear".

Son: pulling on his sweater and upset "No, we're best buds".

Wife: "I know, you said that before".

I walk in with a matching outfit "No, we're vest buds!"

👍︎ 644
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👤︎ u/imaffett
📅︎ Oct 13 2014
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My dad and I were having an argument.

When I was four years old, my dad and I got into an argument over who should get the remote control. Because I was significantly smaller and younger, my dad won the argument. I was angry, so I walked my little four year old behind to my grandma's house that was across the street. Grandma wasn't home, but the door was never locked, so I made myself a poptart and proceeded to watch nickelodeon until my mom got home from church. Once I had my fill of fruity pastry and child entertainment I walked back to my house where my mom was screaming at my father. "How could you let a four year old just go like that? Unsupervised!". My dad was silent. My mother continued, " it's like you don't care at all about me or our children!" Still nothing from dad. "Well this is the last straw!" my mom shouted, "I'm leaving you! Do you have anything to say for yourself?" My dad spoke softly, "hi leaving you, I'm dad."

👍︎ 17
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👤︎ u/Risky_milk
📅︎ Nov 04 2016
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Dad Joked at Church

I was at my in laws this weekend, and for mother's day my MIL wanted us to go to church with her. I'm not religious, but fine, whatever you want. The problem is that neither my wife or I brought "church clothes," with us for the visit. It was unexpected.

So we're sitting in the church and my wife is talking to her dad.

"Dad, I'm just happy I have a pair of jeans that aren't all ripped up! I didn't plan on this at all!"

"Oh, hunny, don't worry. Any pair of pants would have been holy once you walked in."

Massive grin. Then back to serious, because Jesus, I guess.

👍︎ 21
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📅︎ May 12 2014
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Giving out dadjokes for Xmas

My girlfriend and I were visiting her mother for the holidays. She's a sweet li'l ol' church lady, and my gf & I were expecting to have an evening to ourselves while she went to choir practice -- until she got a call from the musical director saying he was sick, and that practice would be cancelled.

"Well," I said, "I guess her presence is no longer re-choired."

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👤︎ u/nemthenga
📅︎ Dec 28 2014
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Even when we'd go to church, he'd make me laugh

My dad conversing with my mother...

Dad: I hate wearing these stupid socks with all the holes in them.

Mom: Then why would you pick those socks?

Dad: I have to wear my "holy" socks to church.

👍︎ 9
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📅︎ Sep 01 2013
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