I told my daughter, "Did you know that humans eat more bananas than monkeys?" She rolled her eyes at me, but I persevered. "Itβs true!"
"When was the last time you ate a monkey?!"
π︎ 302
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︎ Aug 18 2022
Bill pulled up a stool at his favorite bar and announced. βMy wife Suzie must love me more than any woman has ever loved any man!β The bartender inquired. βWhat makes you say that?β Bill beamed with pride, βLast week, I had to take a couple of sick days from work..."
"Suzie was so thrilled to have me around, that every time a mail or delivery person came by, sheβd run down the driveway waving her arms hollering, βMy husbandβs home! My husbandβs home!ββ
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︎ Aug 18 2022
I told my neighbor that my son with multiple degrees made more money moving boxes in a hot warehouse than he did in an office
He asked me what the degrees were in.
I said this is America, so Fahrenheit.
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︎ Jul 18 2022
my wife left me because she said that I paid more attention to my job as a newsreader than to her..
Anyway...More of that story later.
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︎ Aug 20 2022
There's a woman that makes me smile more than my wife.
π︎ 5
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︎ Jul 03 2022
I can't tell you guys anything that makes my blood boil more than being shoved in an oven at 345Β° f.
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︎ Apr 21 2022
A new study revealed that humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
It makes sense, I don't think I've ever eaten a monkey.
π︎ 5
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︎ May 03 2022
In what country is it likely that your siblings have more than one daughter?
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︎ Apr 29 2022
Apple is releasing a new major product that has more features than the average stone but will only be released in the middle east
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︎ Apr 22 2022
I saw on the news (really) that atheists are more likely to own cats than Christians.
I don't get it as it's illegal to own a Christian, let alone buy or sell one.
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︎ Jul 28 2021
New study finds that humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
Seems like common sense. I donβt know about you, but Iβve never eaten any monkeys..
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︎ Nov 07 2021
TIL that Honda owners are statistically more likely to vote than owners of other car makers
Accord-ing to research, they consider it their Civic duty. But the study was a Pilot program.
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︎ Feb 23 2022
Who doesnβt know that there are more airplanes in the ocean than submarines in the air..?
Itβd say itβs pretty plane to sea
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︎ Feb 07 2022
My son cooked a Turkey that was much more moist than mine.
π︎ 7
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︎ Nov 28 2021
There are those that do not think holographic PokΓ©mon cards should be more expensive than others.
They are holo-cost deniers.
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︎ Dec 26 2021
So, I read a study the other day claiming that "humans eat more bananas than monkeys".
Which - to me - sounded a bit obvious. I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.
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︎ Aug 01 2020
Today I learned that humans eat more bananas than monkeys.....
And I gotta say that's true because I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey
EDIT: Thanks kind stranger for the gold!!
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︎ Jun 23 2019
What do you call a bee that likes more than one gender?
A bee-sexual
(This is my first post in the sub donβt kill me)
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︎ Jul 02 2021
Research shows that left handed people waste more food than right handed people
Otherwise, rightovers would be a word.
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︎ Mar 30 2021
My friend said that he eats more than his brother.
I was more concerned by the fact that he eats his brother.
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︎ May 24 2021
Itβs hard to believe that it has been more than 100 years since Einstein published his Theory of Relativity.
It seems like only yesterday.
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︎ May 22 2021
That is farm more puns than I could have thought of
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︎ Jul 05 2019
What is something that Japan produces more than other countries?
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︎ Mar 04 2021
When visiting France, one has to go to the structure that allows sufficient observation to discover more than enough to be satisfied.
Oui, a visit to the Eyeful Tower is always recommended when vacationing in France.
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︎ Mar 20 2021
Did you know that a single sperm contains 37.5 MB of DNA information? Meaning that, during 3 seconds long ejaculation, more than 11,250 TERA bytes of information is transmitted.
That's alot of information to swallow.
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︎ Sep 07 2020
So I started dating an OBGYN that said her job was more dangerous than mine.
So I asked what her riskiest encounter was. She said she did not know, but she learned early to give mothers with fat babies a wide berth.
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︎ Nov 17 2020
There was a recent study showing that crows were hit a lot more by trucks than cars...
they came to the conclusion that this was because crows can warn each other by going "CAAAR CAAAR" but can't say "TRUCK TRUCK"
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︎ Dec 02 2020
My wife sent me an article that says men's beards have more germs than dogs.
I said of course. There are no dogs in my beard.
https://imgur.com/B7mUpUc
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︎ Apr 17 2019
The moment I learned that βphα»β is actually pronounced βfuh,β I knew the time was ripe to write a Google review for my all-time favourite phα» restaurant. (I guess this qualifies more as βracy wordplayβ than it does βpunnyβ?)
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︎ Jan 10 2020
A revolutionary new way of cutting carbon emissions, shortcuts under hills that can only be used by cars with more than 2 occupants
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︎ Feb 28 2020
Is it wierd that I say more dad jokes than my dad? And Iβm 16?
Literally just now heβs making chili and he pours in some frozen corn (beginning of the chili making process) and he tries a spoonful
Me looking from the other room: howβs it taste?
Him: cold
Me out of breath from running in at the speed of light: so itβs a little CHILI?
Him: get out
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︎ Jan 15 2020
Archaeologists have discovered an oil stain that might be more than a thousand years old.
π︎ 217
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︎ Oct 11 2018
Why is a rock that fell from the sky more delicious than one you find on the ground?
π︎ 12
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︎ Apr 17 2020
I bet my friend that i could lose more weight than him within the last month
π︎ 10
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︎ Jan 29 2018
There are more planes under the oceans than there are submarines up in the skies. Let that sink in...
π︎ 19
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︎ Apr 30 2018
Wow, I just remembered that there are so many more countries in Oceania than just Australia. I can't believe I suffered from Indamnesia
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︎ May 05 2019
Did you know that humans eat more bananas than monkeys?
I guess it makes sense, I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.
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︎ Jun 11 2022
I told my daughter, "Did you know that humans eat more bananas than monkeys?" She rolled her eyes at me, but I persevered. "Itβs true!"
"When was the last time you ate a monkey?!"
π︎ 3k
π
︎ Dec 09 2021
Did you know that people eat more bananas than monkeys.
I mean, when was the last time you saw a person eat a monkey.
π︎ 28
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︎ Dec 06 2021
I told my daughter, "Did you know that humans eat more bananas than monkeys?" She rolled her eyes at me, but I persevered. "Itβs true!"
"When was the last time you ate a monkey?!"
π︎ 17k
π
︎ Jun 26 2020
Today I learnt that humans eat more bananas than monkeys
I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey
π︎ 12k
π
︎ Apr 13 2020
So I read a study the other day claiming that βhumans eat more bananas than monkeysβ
Which to me sounded a bit obvious. I canβt remember the last time I ate a monkey.
π︎ 130
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︎ Nov 12 2020
Did you know that Americans eat more bananas than monkeys every year?
Which makes sense, because I canβt remember the last time I ate a monkey.
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︎ Nov 16 2020
I told my daughter, "Did you know that humans eat more bananas than monkeys?" She rolled her eyes at me, but I persevered. "Itβs true!"
"When was the last time you ate a monkey?!"
π︎ 37
π
︎ Jun 01 2021
I told my daughter, "Did you know that humans eat more bananas than monkeys?" She rolled her eyes at me, but I persevered. "Itβs true!"
"When was the last time you ate a monkey?!"
π︎ 30
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︎ Nov 29 2020
Today I found out that humans eat more bananas than monkeys
This surprised me, as I don't recall the last time I ate a monkey
π︎ 34
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︎ May 03 2020
Today I learned that a human eats bananas more than a monkey.
This is true because I don't remember the last time I ate a monkey.
π︎ 29
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︎ Nov 30 2019
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