We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you drink if you are only a little thirsty in Minneapolis?

A Mini-soda!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_Pluses
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Need Theme Park related puns

Myself and a friend are making a mini action film on GTA V. When I edit it, I’m planning on involving some voiceover but I need a pun for the final kill on the rollercoaster. Any suggestions ?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/StickyWeeee9068
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did President Trump lose the golf tournament?

All his mini strokes put him above par.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/saintpetejackboy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Which state has the smallest sodas?

Mini-Sota!

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/smallMAN644
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2020
🚨︎ report
What state has the smallest drinks?

Mini-Soda.

(From my seven-year-old.)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rossumcapek
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2020
🚨︎ report
Bundt cakes.

I’m sending a friend a box of mini Bundt cakes from her favorite bakery. She’s having a hard week! I’m in knead of a fun pun to have them write on the box, give me your best ideas. :)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/touchof_grey
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Which American state is famous for it's small fizzy drinks?

Mini soda

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lunaticluna420
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Warning, this is a huge spoiler

https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0699/6735/products/mini-wing-spoiler_copy_x1400.jpg?v=1508404270

πŸ‘︎ 907
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Davilopy
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2019
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My sister and her college roommate both bought mini fridges and now they have two...

You can never have two mini fridges

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GodWilla32
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Why was the short mother only paid the smallest amount legally allowed?

Cause she was on mini-mum wage

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πŸ‘€︎ u/M0NTEA
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2019
🚨︎ report
I’m talking with my sister in law about the fruit salad she made (my best quick response I’ve ever had)

Last family picnic my sister in law made a really good fruit salad. I was talking with her an my spouse’s aunt about it. SIL was saying how she’d gotten a mini pineapple and mini watermelon for the salad.

The aunt asks β€œwhere’s you get all these mini fruit”

Without skipping a beat I reply β€œthe minimart!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Coldovia
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2019
🚨︎ report
I'm in love with a tiny piece of wood.

My love is a mini splintered thing!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cssnow52
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2019
🚨︎ report
So I dadjoked the hell out of my dadjoking boss

My boss is a good guy and a good boss, but he always says the same 5 or so jokes (he has two young kids). Anytime he pulls up to a job that we've been working on its "you aren't done yet?" or its "great job, but why are they upside down". Every time someone walks up to a job they get a loud "shhhh, here they come". I can go on and on, he has comedy routines for almost every situation.

So that's what I have to deal with.

Last weekend he took a mini-vacation, and brought me back a bottle of hot sauce (I'm something of a heatseeker) and the bottle was layer with all sorts of sexual innuendo that it'll get you hard and great at sex.

The other day I send him a text message around lunch time that only said "I have to go to the emergency room." Not 30 seconds pass and I get a phone call from him.

Boss: "What happened?"

Me: "Well, this morning I put some of that hot sauce you gave me on my eggs, and I've had an erection lasting more than four hours."

Boss: dryly "Ha. Ha. Haaa."

Meanwhile my coworker is dying of laughter and I'm trying to keep it together.

I've told everyone about this the past couple days.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ejh3k
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2019
🚨︎ report
If you don’t have a lot of figurines from Ancient Greek mythology,...

I can give you a mini tour.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2019
🚨︎ report
Fresh from my dad:

My nephew is having a birthday party this weekend.. my dad said he was making mini bundt cakes for the baseball themed party.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tictacmcjac
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2019
🚨︎ report
If the female lead of Good Will Hunting hired a little person to chauffeur her in an iconic British car

He’d be Minnie Driver’s mini Mini Driver.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jayrandomer
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2018
🚨︎ report
I saw a pair of midgets arguing in the kitchen and it made me think about that old saying...

Two mini cooks spoil the broth.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Flower Power...

My wife and I were shopping and noticed the store had a bunch of fall flowers in pots out front.

My wife: "Oh look! They have mums! What size should I get?"

Me: "Well, my paycheck hasn't hit the bank yet, so we should probably keep our purchases to a mini-mum."

My wife: " ... "

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/grobmyer
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2014
🚨︎ report
Which U.S. state has the smallest soft drinks?

Mini soda.

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2018
🚨︎ report
What do short people in Minnesota like to drink?

A Mini-soda

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AwesomeAdam825
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Sometimes a dad joke just sits in your hand...

http://m.imgur.com/gallery/6SdMTOF

... Mini-Soda Vikings, everyone.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cunt_Inhaler69
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2016
🚨︎ report
How does my toddler let me know she’s hungry?

She peals her mini baby bell.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cockplops
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2018
🚨︎ report
I just sold my car and this was my add

Hi Folks, If you are a linguist then I am selling your dream car! I’m selling an Accent, a 2004 Hyundai Accent to be precise. Even if you don’t know a bunch of languages, this car is still great for you.

Just like me, it’s been around the birthday block a few times, but there’s still lots of life left in both of us, I guarantee! If you are looking for the perfect body, seek out a surgeon. If you’re looking for a car that will love you just the way you are, this is it. Now I know what you’re thinking, β€œI bet this is a junker”, but you’d be wrong. Next to my wife this is the best body I’ve ever had my hands on.

What’s wrong with it mechanically you ask? Nothing! It drives great, A/C & heat still work like a dream, breaks work, transmission shifts good, and the 1.6L engine runs great. With its age, the engine has had some parts replaced. All the belts have recently been changed, that happens with age as I just went up a few sizes myself. The washer fluid pump has been changed because it’s important to be able to have a good cry once in a while. I did an oil change in the summer and depending on how long it takes for this car to finds it’s new match, I will do another in the next month or so.

Since beauty is in the eye of the beholder, I’ll give you a run down of what the interior is like. It’s what’s on the inside that matters anyway right? I am the 3rd owner of this car and the previous owner was a smoker. I don’t believe there is a cigarette smell anymore but the cloth seats do have little holes in them. I mean hey, when you play with fire you get burnt right? The stereo head unit has been replaced with a modern Pioneer as the original just wasn’t in tune with my musical needs as a Dj. The only real problem this pretty young thing has is the passenger rear seatbelt does not retract. Since I have two mini controllers I taxi around, I’ve had car seats in the back and have had no reason to replace the seatbelt yet. A new one is only a cool $250 from Hyundai but will take some time for delivery. There are still 4 working seatbelts in the car so if you’re traveling with another couple, I’m sure they’ll love to cuddle up in the middle and behind you, the driver.

The trunk is spacious enough for the average trunk but just doesn’t work out so well for hauling Dj gear. The rear seats fold as easy a poker player having their bluff called, so it will give you extra room. Not much more that I can think of to tell you about but take a look at the plethora of p

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DjBWren
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2017
🚨︎ report
Did you know that you can't order fountain drinks larger than 8 ounces in St. Paul?

It's mini soda law.

Bonus joke: where are the trees in Minnesota?

Between da twos and da fours.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/evanthesquirrel
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2018
🚨︎ report
What is James Bond's favorite pasta?

Mini penne.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jerkstore_84
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2018
🚨︎ report
3 pasta puns

What do you call it when the Italian Mafia fixes the awards for the best musicals?
Rigatoni.

What do you call it when a plate of bow tie pasta falls off of a skyscrapper?
Farfalle.

What's James Bond's favorite pasta?
Mini penne.

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2017
🚨︎ report
Packing our Dodge Caravan with luggage for our vacation is truly an art.

I always step back and admire my Mini Van Goh.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bayarea168
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2018
🚨︎ report
My boss got my at work today.

I work in a grocery store. My boss was stocking some shelves near me with drinks. He looks over to me and says "Do you know what state has the smallest beverages?"

I naively respond with "no".

"Mini soda."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CaptainRipp
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2016
🚨︎ report
Small containers of pop are only sold in one state.

Mini-soda.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ralph3576
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2018
🚨︎ report
Hot Dog Puns

a friend's text to me: I have eaten three mini hot dogs

my response: Frankly, that sounds delicious

I declare you the weiner of the food contest

I hope you dance your buns off

I relish the opportunity to ketchup at a later date


I feel like I could have done more - any other good ones out there?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wowmomlol
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2015
🚨︎ report
What do you call a short mom in London?

A MiniMum

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ohmskillet
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2018
🚨︎ report
Pepperoni at the dinner table

My dad just laid this one on me. Tonight for supper we had a pasta dish with mini pepperonis, cheese, sauce, etc. in it. Normally when my mom makes this she uses regular size pepperoni. I commented how much I liked the meal and she said "I don't know, I kinda like it better with the big pepperoni" to which my dad replies with "I like it better with the little pepperoni, but then again I'm not a big pepperoni fan." A universal sigh was heard around the table.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MidnightEagle11
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2016
🚨︎ report
Just another example in the continuing saga of "sad examples of my fathers free time".

I get texts like this often

My dad sends my whole family his mini movies

"Written, voice & Directed by me. Moon played your mother."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lqbvF-nX9YQ

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sighsaremyprize
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2017
🚨︎ report
My wife has a problem saying "No" to people...

One of her friends was giving her a mini-lecture about her inability to tell people no, and then gave her the caveat, "But you really need to choose your 'no's'..."

Me: "But of course, rhinoplasty is pretty pricey!"

Both of them: glare

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pastorjeff2000
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2017
🚨︎ report
Mom and I were watching Pompeii last night...

...and there is a scene where Milo stabs the Senator through the arm with a mini sword.

My mom turns to me and says "He didn't have very good armer".

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/beanbeenhereb4
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2017
🚨︎ report
My wife couldn't find her root beer...

Wife: Where did I put my soda?

Me: Well how big is it?

Wife: I don't know, it was just a regular can....why?

Me: Well if it was a Mini-Soda your best bet would be to look north.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Massabamian
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2017
🚨︎ report
A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
514 Dad Jokes

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 75
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Josvys
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
🚨︎ report
I went to the Upper Midwest and I could not find a place to buy a large soft drink.

I was in mini soda.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ridley_Himself
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2018
🚨︎ report
What Do People in Minneapolis Drink?

Mini-Soda

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Avocadoduo
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2018
🚨︎ report

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