The butchers wife always messes up everyone's orders.
Rope walks into the bar. Bartender says, Sorry we don’t serve ropes here. Rope walks out, messes himself up, ties himself in a knot, and walks back into the bar. Bartender asked if he’s a rope!
Rope replies I’m a frayed knot.
What does the Mandalorian use to clean up Baby Yoda's messes?
He uses Bounty [a paper towel brand in the US]
I'm very proud--my teenage son just came up with this one, though I see a few variations when searching through past dad jokes.
When quarantine messes up your plans...
If someone messes up a taxidermy job
Is it still considered a stuff up?
When a baker messes up a recipe
He'll whisk everything to make it right again.
What happens when a man messes with death?
He faces the reaper cussions
What’s it called your backpack messes up your spine?
A string walks into a bar with a few friends and orders a beer. The bartender says, "I'm sorry, but we don't serve strings here." The string goes back to his table. He ties himself in a loop and messes up the top of his hair. He walks back up to the bar and orders a beer. The bartender squints at hi
What's it called when a butcher messes up?
Aww man. Did you hear that Johnson and Johnson messed up the their vaccine?
Well at least they took a stab at it.
Dude on CoD says to kid: “Stop messing with the blinds.”
Me: “But dude, they can’t even see him coming.”
What did the Captain of the Evergreen Cargo ship say when he realised he'd messed up?
My friend and I messing around musically
A mess of puns in here...
My wife is pissed at me. I made hard boiled eggs for breakfast this morning and let our 2 year old help peel them and he made a mess
I have been walking on eggshells ever since.
How many dyslexics does it take to change a light bulb?
Mess with an archaeologist;
This guy told me he was Harry Potter’s godfather. I thought he was messing with me.
He told me he was Sirius.
I got into an argument with someone I thought was a "birds aren't real" supporter. I'm an idiot; they were just messing with me and they made some amazing bird puns along the way that deserve attention. The link to the post is in the comments so you can go give the user karma and see the context.
https://preview.redd.it/n7zvpwxkj6m51.png?width=1280&format=png&auto=webp&s=54f0549ebd3c055929698d6fef3bc05782bf5282
Why should you never mess with Santa?
Because he's got a Black Belt!
Never mess with your wife’s wine!
I just added fruit and lemonade to my wife’s and now she’s sangria than ever before!
Don't mess with Cole's Law!
Mess with the bat you get the gat
Justice is a dish best served cold...
If it were served warm it would be justwater.
When the optician messed up my appointment...
I didn't look at her the same way again.
What did the customer say when the stone carver messed up his tombstone?
You've made a grave mistake...
What do astronauts do when they mess up?
My wife gets mad whenever I mess with her red wine.
So I added fruit and lemonade to it and now she's sangria than ever
Restaurant messed up and gave me a garden salad instead of a Caesar salad. When I complained my little girl said,
“Dad, any salad can be a Caesar salad. You just have to stab it enough times”.
What do you get when you cross a puzzle with another puzzle?
I was messing around with my wife while we were camping and accidentally lit her hair on fire...
She’s not going to divorce me, but she was fuming.
My son keeps all his boogers in a journal. He's up to 143.
I told him "One more and it'll be truly gross"
I messed up while making a pie
Don’t worry, it was never supposed to be a piece of cake.
The smurf really messed up I guess you could say
Windshield was a mess!
I asked my wife what kind of bird she thought did this.. she said "a doo-doo bird"
Punch
What is a boxer's favourite drink?
Punch
An amateur messed up making cheese. He had no whey to fix it.
I switched the I and O keys on my brother's laptop to confuse him and mess his typing up.
I know, I know, I'm a horrible person, but my brother would say I'm a hirroble persin.
If you're messing with Kobe Bryant.... Does that mean you've got some "kobe beef"
No offence to any fans...or followers.....it's in his tribute... I just wish someone else was on that chopper... Sorry if it offended you guys
The ghost in my house is always honest when admitting to making a mess
You could say they are very transparent.
When you mess up on the first go but you have a good recovery
Dont mess with pediatricians.
They have little patients.
A rope a walks into a bar and the bartender points to a sign, says "Can't you read?! No Ropes allowed". The rope leaves the bar, ties himself into a bow and messes up his hair and walks back in. The bartender says, " ain't you that rope again"?! The rope replies, "Nope, I'm a frayed not"!
My wife hates it when I mess with her red wine.
I added some fruit and orange juice—now she’s sangria than ever.
My wife hates it when I mess with her red wine.
Recently I added fruit and lemonade to it and now she's sangria than ever.
My girlfriend gets mad whenever I mess with her red wine.
So I added some fruit and lemonade to it, and now she sangria than ever.
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