I took my 8 year old girl to the office with me on "take your kid to work day". As we were walking around the office, she started crying and getting very cranky, so I ask her what was wrong.
As my co-workers gather round, she sobbed loudly "Daddy where are all the clowns you said you worked with?!"
π︎ 172
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︎ Sep 26 2021
My friend with a wooden eye was always shy around girls. Last week he met a girl with a wooden leg and finally felt confident and asked her, "Will you go to the dance with me?"
She replied, "Would I?"
He responded, "Fine! Peg leg, I'll go with somebody else!"
π︎ 5
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︎ Dec 14 2021
My friend John Snow asked me to help break the ice with him and a girl...
So I punched him in the face.
π︎ 5
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︎ Oct 16 2021
Last Halloween a girl dressed as the grim reaper came to my door with messy hair and asked me politely to fix it.
That night, I had a brush with death.
π︎ 23
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︎ May 11 2021
The best advice my dad gave me was to find a girl with an embarrassing tattoo and marry her.
She knows how to make bad decisions, yet stick by them.
π︎ 978
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︎ Nov 14 2018
Restaurant messed up and gave me a garden salad instead of a Caesar salad. When I complained my little girl said,
βDad, any salad can be a Caesar salad. You just have to stab it enough timesβ.
π︎ 3
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︎ Jul 07 2020
I'll never forget when my dad told me, "Find yourself a girl with an embarrassing tattoo and try to convince her to marry you!β A little taken aback, I asked him what he meant. He explained...
βShe knows how to make bad decisions and stick by them!"
π︎ 11
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︎ Aug 24 2020
My dad just told me, βWhen I was your age and saw a girl, I first looked at her hair, then her eyes, then her neck...β
Damn dial up connections!
π︎ 129
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︎ Dec 28 2018
My boss is making me dig through a stack of hay bare-handed to look for anything that shouldnβt be there. I suspect he dropped his wedding ring while having an affair with the new girl he hired in the pile and now he is desperate to hide the evidence from his wife who might be on to him.
But Iβm just grasping at straws here.
π︎ 27
π
︎ Mar 09 2019
I was in a KFC in Prague, standing in line waiting to order my lunch when I noticed the beautiful girl wearing a black and white tiled apron who was giving the man in front of me a bucket of Buffalo wings..and then it dawned on me.
I was checking out a chequered Czech check-out chick who was checking out some chicken at the checkout.
π︎ 23
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︎ Jun 13 2019
My buddy gets all the girls. I watched him work once. He approached a lady and said, "girl, you remind me of a thick, creamy beverage made from raw fruit, vegetables, and sometimes dairy products, typically pureed using a blender!"
He's such a smoothie talker.
π︎ 19
π
︎ Mar 03 2020
My ten year old told me this joke this afternoon....and sheβs a girl.
What do you call candy that has been stolen?
Hot chocolate!
π︎ 11
π
︎ Feb 24 2019
My sister just had twins, a boy and a girl, and she let me name them! The girl's name is Denise.
The boy's name is Denephew.
π︎ 33
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︎ Aug 31 2018
I gave my wife a slutty girl accountant for her birthday and she asked me, "What the hell is this?"
"Well...it's the thot that counts."
π︎ 51
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︎ Jun 18 2018
The weather girl was wrong and got me into an accident which broke all my limbs...
π︎ 2
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︎ Jul 24 2019
Got locked up and my girl broke up with me
She said it was about time.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Apr 02 2019
While having our evening dinner together, my little girl looked up me and askedβ¦
"Daddy, you're the boss in our family, right?"
I was very pleased to hear it and confidently replied, "Yes my little princess."
She then continued, "That's because mommy put you in charge, right?"
π︎ 38
π
︎ Jun 13 2017
Me and my girl are always at odds
π︎ 7
π
︎ Dec 01 2014
I took my 8-year old girl to the office with me on, "Take Your Kid to Work Day." As we were walking around the office, she starting crying and getting very cranky, so I asked what was wrong with her.
As my coworkers gathered round, she sobbed loudly, "Daddy, where are all the clowns that you said that you worked with?!"
π︎ 27k
π
︎ Aug 04 2019
I took my 8-year old girl to the office with me on, "Take Your Kid to Work Day." As we were walking around the office, she starting crying and getting very cranky, so I asked what was wrong with her.
As my coworkers gathered round, she sobbed loudly, "Daddy, where are all the clowns that you said that you worked with?!"
π︎ 38
π
︎ Mar 24 2020
My dad always told me, βFind a girl with an embarrassing tattoo and try to convince her to marry you.β
She knows how to make a bad decision and still stick with it.
π︎ 45
π
︎ Jul 28 2020
My dad always told me to find a girl with an embarrassing tattoo, and try to convince her to marry me.
They know how to make a bad decision, and then stick to it.
π︎ 10
π
︎ Dec 20 2019
My dad always told me to find a girl with an embarrassing tattoo and marry her...
She knows how to make bad decisions and stick to them...
π︎ 11
π
︎ Oct 10 2019
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