It's fantastic - can't beat it
I only see stuff for women online, like Foria and others. Does anyone know if there are masturbation creams for men?
Well today I was the most bored I had ever been in a long time, so I did what any other male would do....masturbate. But I had quite the conundrum I forgot to go shopping and needed more lotion and well I don't like stroking it dry
Why didn't I just go out and buy some you ask?
Well I live about 15 miles from the nearest town and well.... fuck that.
So I searched and I searched my house for what I could use to bust a nut with, and finally I remembered I had some cream for my feet(I run marathons)
I just want to clear this up right now...I am not very organized and I don't really pay attention to what products I buy. as in a specific brand or any thing as long as it is anti-friction cream or whatever I couldn't care less about the brand so I usually always have to read the labels of the products I have at home to confirm what it is...
any way in the heat of the moment I just grabbed the tube of what I thought to be lotion and slathered my dick with it and well.....I stung like a mother fucker and my piss hole is really red.....I am going to see a dick doc tomorrow.....as I type this I'm struggling with pain... yes I tried to wash it off....
Please excuse my poorly structured story, spelling mistakes, and grammar.
I've used a little bit of marigold cream on my face to fasten the healing process after I squeezed two pimples (it worked wonders) and now I have an almost full box of it and I really have nothing else to use it for. There is no explicit warning on this box to not use it on genitals, it only says that it can be applied on skin to hydrate and protect it. Perhaps one of the ingredients is not safe to use on genitals (if you need it, I'll post the list of ingredients)?
I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.
Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.
Do your worst!
I'm surprised it hasn't decade.
For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.
I said "hey look, an escaPEA"
No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!
Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂
It really does, I swear!
I came downstairs this morning and my wife and son were on the sofa reading a book. So I asked my wife if she wanted me to make her a coffee. She said yes.
For context, we haven't had sex for nearly 4 years. I went to the kitchen, made coffee for her, and myself, and brought her cup of coffee to her. After giving her the cup, we were reflecting on what to do during the day, and I suddenly had an itch on the left of my scrotum (I have gone and seen the doctor for it and was prescribed steroid cream to stop the light inflammation). So I gently scratched the itch (as you do), and she shouted "WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?" so much so that my son turned round, making me feel ashamed for nothing really.
Does she think I was masturbating in front of them? What kind of reaction is this? "I just have an itch" I replied. Crazy woman.
I will not be watching the Sex And The City reboot And Just Like That. The mere mention of the show sends a shiver down my spine.
Just over 20 years ago that show lead to the biggest mistake I have ever made: getting circumcised.
I was born in Australia in 1978, and the Anglo-Celtic men of my father’s generation were majority circumcised, as were men in the mostly American porn I’d seen, and I grew up hearing uncomplimentary references in American media.
I felt different - and I didn’t know it at the time, but about half of the men born the same year as me escaped the scalpel - including many of my friends.
I remember clearly watching the ninth episode of the second season of Sex and the city. I was 21 and watching with my siblings.
The episode - titled Old Dogs, New Dicks was all about Charlotte dating a man who wasn’t circumcised - the norm in the USA - and her disgust by it.
To sit and watch a show tell me that my body was revolting is something I will never forget. The women casually sat around the table body shaming men and their penises.
I remember Charlotte screwing up her nose and saying, “There was so much skin, it was like a shar-pei," and feeling disgusted in my own body.
Then Miranda added: “I'm sorry, it is not normal." I felt like I was screaming on the inside.
I had an ugly penis that people would forever judge me for.
Eventually, Charlotte pressures her boyfriend into getting the end of his penis cut off. After finding sex with him repulsive, she now gives him a “five out of five” score. Realising his cut penis has made him instantly more attractive to women, he leaves Charlotte. He was now a huge stud because he doesn’t have a foreskin.
After watching the show I knew I had to do one thing: get circumcised.
Weirdly, I had been sexually active for a few years at the time, and no women had ever mentioned it. Somehow I convinced myself they were being polite.
So, I booked myself an appointment with a urologist. I didn’t tell anybody else in the world. But I did tell the doctor why I wanted it - and in my opinion, he should not have agreed to perform the operation on somebody who was suffering from misguided self-esteem issues. He should have sent me to a psychologist or given me a friendly word about how it didn’t matter, or that I would soon no longer in the minority. He didn’t do that. He made a booking to circumcise me.
It’s a part of my body I can never get back.
I remember looking at it the first time. Brui
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They’re on standbi
Buenosdillas
