Malingee Puns

Cryptids and Cryptozoology have long captivated my older brother Bailey. It began with the classics, Bigfoot, Yeti, Chupacabra, Jersey Devil and Loch Ness Monster, but his casual curiosity quickly developed into a full-time occupation. Bailey knew all there was to know about legendary creatures from all across the planet and I can't say that I blame him.

Our parents died a few years ago, leaving us with a large sum of money and no idea what to do with it. I always simply let him ramble whenever he was enthusiastic about a new wildlife encounter. He showed me a fresh news story earlier this week. In the Australian Outback, a lady was assaulted near a small mining town called Lanstead. As she fled, whatever had attacked her left deep straight slashes over her back and Bailey was quite certain he knew what had triggered it.

He handed me one of his books, which he had opened and pushed it across to me, pointing to a paragraph.

Malingee is an Australian Aboriginal ghost that is nocturnal and malevolent, They prefer to avoid people in but if challenged, they will murder ruthlessly with a stone knife. Malingees have stone knees that scrape together and eyes that smoulder like the coals of a cold fire. Both people and animals dread him since he kills tribesmen with his stone knife at the most simple provocation.

“So, Lewis, do you want to go to Australia?” he inquired, his face beaming. I consented because it wasn't the first time he'd suggested a journey to seek a monster. I got to travel while Bailey pursued his animals. It seemed like a win-win situation to me.

We landed in Australia, rented a car, and drove out into the desert. As we drove farther into the country, the road became harsher, and I became concerned. Our rented car appeared to be in good condition, but we were well out of cell range and if we were to break down, it would be disastrous, or even deadly.

We arrived in the town of Lanstead after several hours. The terrain was strewn with dilapidated wooden structures, several of which were grouped together as though they were preparing for a storm. I brushed my dry fingers together, thinking that it had probably been years since there had been a true rainfall here.

Bailey took out his equipment, which included a long-range listening sonar dish and headphones. He mumbled to himself as he fiddled with the cables. “All the legends say that as they walk, you can hear their stone knees click together. If we can get a hold of that sound...”

We start

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

Alot of great jokes get posted here! However just because you have a joke, doesn't mean it's a dad joke.

THIS IS NOT ABOUT NSFW, THIS IS ABOUT LONG JOKES, BLONDE JOKES, SEXUAL JOKES, KNOCK KNOCK JOKES, POLITICAL JOKES, ETC BEING POSTED IN A DAD JOKE SUB

Try telling these sexual jokes that get posted here, to your kid and see how your spouse likes it.. if that goes well, Try telling one of your friends kid about your sex life being like Coca cola, first it was normal, than light and now zero , and see if the parents are OK with you telling their kid the "dad joke"

I'm not even referencing the NSFW, I'm saying Dad jokes are corny, and sometimes painful, not sexual

So check out r/jokes for all types of jokes

r/unclejokes for dirty jokes

r/3amjokes for real weird and alot of OC

r/cleandadjokes If your really sick of seeing not dad jokes in r/dadjokes

Punchline !

Edit: this is not a post about NSFW , This is about jokes, knock knock jokes, blonde jokes, political jokes etc being posted in a dad joke sub

Edit 2: don't touch the thermostat

Do your worst!

How the hell am I suppose to know when it’s raining in Sweden?

Ants don’t even have the concept fathers, let alone a good dad joke. Keep r/ants out of my r/dadjokes.

But no, seriously. I understand rule 7 is great to have intelligent discussion, but sometimes it feels like 1 in 10 posts here is someone getting upset about the jokes on this sub. Let the mods deal with it, they regulate the sub.

They were cooked in Greece.

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

Two muffins are in an oven, one muffin looks at the other and says "is it just me, or is it hot in here?"

Then the other muffin says "AHH, TALKING MUFFIN!!!"

Don't you know a good pun is its own reword?

Now that I listen to albums, I hardly ever leave the house.

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

It really does, I swear!

And now I’m cannelloni

Because she wanted to see the task manager.

And boy are my arms legs.

But that’s comparing apples to oranges

Heard they've been doing some shady business.

but then I remembered it was ground this morning.

Edit: Thank you guys for the awards, they're much nicer than the cardboard sleeve I've been using and reassures me that my jokes aren't stale

Edit 2: I have already been made aware that Men In Black 3 has told a version of this joke before. If the joke is not new to you, please enjoy any of the single origin puns in the comments

BamBOO!

They’re on standbi

A play on words.

My daughter, Chewbecca, not so much.

Pilot on me!!

Christopher Walken

Nothing, he was gladiator.

Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.

This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.

If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.

Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.

Or would that be too forward thinking?

At work, I have a workstation.

edit: cheers u/cheer_up_richard

What did 0 say to 8 ?

" Nice Belt "

So What did 3 say to 8 ?

" Hey, you two stop making out "

Cryptids and Cryptozoology have long captivated my older brother Bailey. It began with the classics, Bigfoot, Yeti, Chupacabra, Jersey Devil and Loch Ness Monster, but his casual curiosity quickly developed into a full-time occupation. Bailey knew all there was to know about legendary creatures from all across the planet and I can't say that I blame him.

Our parents died a few years ago, leaving us with a large sum of money and no idea what to do with it. I always simply let him ramble whenever he was enthusiastic about a new wildlife encounter. He showed me a fresh news story earlier this week. In the Australian Outback, a lady was assaulted near a small mining town called Lanstead. As she fled, whatever had attacked her left deep straight slashes over her back and Bailey was quite certain he knew what had triggered it.

He handed me one of his books, which he had opened and pushed it across to me, pointing to a paragraph.

Malingee is an Australian Aboriginal ghost that is nocturnal and malevolent, They prefer to avoid people in but if challenged, they will murder ruthlessly with a stone knife. Malingees have stone knees that scrape together and eyes that smoulder like the coals of a cold fire. Both people and animals dread him since he kills tribesmen with his stone knife at the most simple provocation.

“So, Lewis, do you want to go to Australia?” he inquired, his face beaming. I consented because it wasn't the first time he'd suggested a journey to seek a monster. I got to travel while Bailey pursued his animals. It seemed like a win-win situation to me.

We landed in Australia, rented a car, and drove out into the desert. As we drove farther into the country, the road became harsher, and I became concerned. Our rented car appeared to be in good condition, but we were well out of cell range and if we were to break down, it would be disastrous, or even deadly.

We arrived in the town of Lanstead after several hours. The terrain was strewn with dilapidated wooden structures, several of which were grouped together as though they were preparing for a storm. I brushed my dry fingers together, thinking that it had probably been years since there had been a true rainfall here.

Bailey took out his equipment, which included a long-range listening sonar dish and headphones. He mumbled to himself as he fiddled with the cables. “All the legends say that as they walk, you can hear their stone knees click together. If we can get a hold of that sound...”

We s