“The older you get the more you are who you really are” is good news when you’re a good person but a narcissist just becomes more bitter and more abusive. I learned the hard way that even though I experienced healing, the trauma remains and when triggered I experience PTSD that takes days to recover from.
No contact was my remedy. 2 months ago I decided to never allow my “mother” to take me back to being a terrified 10 yr old hiding in the bathroom, she’s home from work, coming up the driveway and I’m about to be greeted with screaming rage as she blames me for everything wrong in her life. I had already cut her off emotionally 3 years ago, kept things superficial.
The no contact trigger:
I went with her to look at a new house and we and my best friends husband, a realtor were standing outside afterwards talking. He is one of my favorite people and I was enjoying the presence of the moment. I got excited that she will have a better air conditioner and said “it won’t be like that clonker at the lake house”.
If looks could kill.
You would’ve thought I actually insulted her deeply if you didn’t know what I said. Everything was silent for seconds. It took her a few minutes to recover and attempt to continue the conversation. She was seething. Because I offended her air conditioner!
I had gotten so used to just being me and not worrying about what the hell I was saying, like a normal human.
I blocked her a few days later after experiencing panic attacks and analyzing to the point of paralyzing.
I think the thing that kept me from blocking her was greed, potentially losing my inheritance. But “what shall it profit a man, if he gains the whole world, and lose his own soul?” came to mind and I was done.
I'm a malignant narcissist.
A malignant narcissist is a term used to describe a person who has symptoms of both narcissistic personality disorder and antisocial personality disorder. Combined, these disorders can show up as arrogance, a need for power and recognition, and tendencies to use or exploit others for selfish reasons. Like most personality disorders, malignant narcissism interferes with relationships and is considered largely untreatable.
I am very good at hiding my narcissism. The most people in my environment think i am a reasonable and nice person, but inside i can't stand them. I find the most people foolish, annoying, too ugly, too fat, too old etc. Everyone who can't benefit me are a waste of time. Women who don't find me attractive are a waste of time.
I also feel enjoyment when there is row and anger on our workplace, i always pretend to listen and act like i care, but inside i laughed my ass off because of the most stupid things they can care about. I like to see people fail. I also like to fool people
I also feel a lot of agression in me. I am fascinated by violence in movies and in combat sports. At least I can give this aggression a place by doing weightlifting and martial arts.
But because of my sadism, agression and narcissism. I can masked pretty well. The only people who have seen the true me where my exes and my gf.
But can you be a covert malignant narcissist?
I was watching a replay of a Dallas Stars game and it sounded like they were playing Malignant Narcissism during a stoppage of play. Has anyone else heard this before at a Stars game? The video I was watching was the Dec. 23 episode of Steve's Dang-Its for Sportsnet.
I can actually muster up some compassion for Barry Morphew. Now, I truly think he’s guilty. I could be wrong, but it’s what I believe. I absolutely believe he killed his wife and I’m about to explain why. I think this for several reasons but mainly because of what I believe he suffers from psychologically.
I have absolutely no doubt he’s a malignant narcissist on the dark triad. He fits all the DSM-V criteria. That makes him incapable of truly loving and bonding, incapable of weighing out consequences, incapable of empathy, compassion and remorse. Without those things, you have a very scary, abusive man. I’ve listened and heard him gas light his own daughter. That’s so common with NPD’s.
He was either born with a low to no functioning prefrontal lobe or had a head injury at some point that caused prefrontal damage.
There is also new science showing their very genomes are uniquely different than ours. So some are born with Antisocial Personality Disorder/narcissistic personality ( formerly called sociopathy). That’s the saddest part, it was not of their chosing.
What we have to understand about people like him, they do not even have the capability of loving others selflessly. They cannot give with they do not have. They, themselves, are their only and main concern always, especially their public image because they are aware that something is inherently wrong with them. Which is also heartbreaking. If he was born like this, he didn’t ask for it. But he is still accountable for his actions.
I work with these men and some of their stories are heartbreaking. It’s typically in puberty when they begin to recognize they aren’t like others, which leads them to a lonely life because they essentially are having to just mimic emotions. They feel very empty inside. I don’t doubt he does too. Nearly every serial killer you will read about has this exact same personality disorder.
Living and being married to a narcissist is extremely taxing. There is constant verbal abuse, gas lighting, selfishness. You essentially have to role over and play dead- Always giving and never getting anything in return. Always silencing your own wishes and desires to please them ( for the sake of peace), always walking on egg shells not knowing which day is Jekyll and which day is Hyde. I don’t know if he physically abused her but I don’t know a single narcissist that doesn’t emotionally and verbally abusive their spouse. It’s as if you are married to a man-child. They must Alwa
... keep reading on reddit ➡
I have referred to my father as a narcissist for years (maybe 10 years? I'm 35) but I hesitated because, despite being a therapist, I just don't go around diagnosing people in my personal life.
With the help of my own therapist and my husband, I now really believe my father has the full blown Narcissistic Personality Disorder. My husband and I watched a Youtube psychologist break down the various types. My husband and I both agreed my father is malignant type and it was actually really upsetting to admit, particularly when this psychologist acknowledged children raised with malignant types as parents are most likely to display trauma.
???
I know abusive behavior, sure. I'm trying to find the tipping point between healthy regard for self and self esteem and then going too far, into egocentrism, reactive emotions, etc
Trying to pin point the narcissistic behavior and mentality in myself so I can work on them.
ICSA Webinar Announcement:
Malignant Narcissism as the Core Madness of the Cult Leader
$30 Fee for 3 CE Credits. General Admission is Free!
Join us for an exciting upcoming webinar with Dr. Charles Zeiders and Peter Devlin! This will be the last webinar before the ICSA Annual Conference in July. You won't want to miss it!
See below for webinar information.
How to obtain CE Credit:
You must be logged in during the live session to receive CE credit. You will be asked to complete a post-event evaluation.
Please check with your licensing board to see if you are eligible for CE credit.
International Cultic Studies Association (ICSA) has been approved by NBCC as an Approved Continuing Education Provider, ACEP No. 6893. ICSA is solely responsible for all aspects of the programs.
June 4th, 2021 12:00 pm - 3:00 pm
Webinar Information by psychotherapist, presenter Charles Zeiders
Malignant narcissism, the presenters argue, characterizes the core psychopathology of the cult leader. Drawing from their recent book, Malignant Narcissism and Power: A Psychodynamic Exploration of Madness and Leadership (Routledge, 2020), presenters Charles Zeiders, Psy.D. and Peter Devlin, LGSW will generate a profile of the Malignant Narcissist Leader (MNL). Via case studies, their workshop will unpack the malignant leader’s rise and fall, and the deleterious impact from the malignant leader’s selfish, but bizarrely seductive, manipulative, and coercive behavior. The presenters will reveal the malignant leader’s core character traits: Narcissism, Criminality, Paranoia, and Sadism. Drawing on cult studies, forensic psychology, and the humanities, they will depict the malignant narcissist in leadership as a trans-historical, cross-cultural phenomenon.
While most clinicians encounter only the victims of MNL’s, the possibility of treating MNL’s themselves will be explored. Is it possible, or even safe, for a clinician to develop “sympathy for the devil?” Covered will be the dynamics of cultic totalitarianism to answer the question: how does the mad leader form followers and gain ascendance? How does the mad leader transform normal people, families, and organizations to his insanely controlled cultic regimes? For attendees fascinated by organizational (mis) development, a totalitarian sampler will be offered depicting diverse cult leaders in the context of their high-pressure organizations, with remarks as to the clinical features of patients who dissent from the MNL’s vindict
... keep reading on reddit ➡I know that I am a Covert Narcissist, bc I agree with statements about how I believe that I am set up for success but I only think this in my head. My therapist has also noted that I am a Covert Narcissist, after a year of therapy and I see the signs and actions that I carry out to be concurrent with the behaviors of a Covert Narcissist.
I was previously in an extremely power-imbalanced relationship with an older partner 13 years older than me, and my therapist noted that they were a Malignant Narcissist, which I agreed to wholeheartedly after seeing their actions match up to the research I did online.
This discovery was before I knew I was a Covert Narcissist,, not like it’s a good thing, but I’m trying to understand how to move past my limiting beliefs that were born out of that relationship and if the dynamics between their Malignant Narcissism and my Covert Narcissism is influencing my desire to reach out to them again, or if this is just a typical reaction after an abusive relationship with a Malignant Narcissist…? :(
Age: 19
Cursing?: I do curse a lot when I am angry or upset. I curse occasionally when I stub my toe or bump into things. Or when I am frustrated.
Self righteous or Vengeful?: I sometimes hold grudges, but am more fueled by a need to prove myself and distance myself from my past and show off my success? :( I also feel vengeful against my past partner mentioned in this post, which is part of why I want to reach out again in order to confront them.. Stupid I know..
Turn off empathy?: I.. if I am upset, then it does seem that I am able to turn it off for the moment. I feel bad and terrible after I’ve realized what I’ve done and said. But in the moment, I guess so..?
NPO: 9 (2 highest scores were Entitlement and Superiority) Codependency: 10 OCD: 5
So even though I know my Ndad is a narcissist, he never quite fit into the normal categories of narcissism (grandiose, covert, etc). I just learned about malignant narcissists today and it describes my Ndad perfectly. I am wondering if there are any other people that dealt with a malignant narcissist as a parent? Are you able to share some of your story?
For me, my Ndad would take things way beyond normal criticisms and gaslighting. He would not only criticize but there were several instances where he would cause me and my sister physical harm and manipulate us to feel guilty about it and believe it was our fault. And the weird thing is, with him there was always some sort of sick sadistic pleasure from him being successful in that. He is also beyond vindictive when it comes to getting something he wants or trying to prove a point. I have watched him completely destroy people's lives just because they stood up to him or even just stood in his way. Over the summer last year (after I finally went NC), I kid you not he hired like 6 PIs to follow me and my husband for 2 and a half months just to try to make us feel unsafe and try to blackmail us. Then tried to use very little evidence to start a smear campaign.
No one in my family understands what is going on with this because he is so good at lying and putting on a show. Heck, they still think he talks to me on a regular basis even though I have made it clear we do not. When I talk about him they believe that the way I feel is at most a childish spat because he claims he has reached out to me (he has not) and is really really good and constant with his lies.
