London Friend Puns

Friend says, Be sure to visit a John Courage pub Guy goes to London at starts hitting the pubs, are you a John Courage pub, no Bass, are you a John Courage pub, no Newcastle, are you John Courage house, no Sam Smith.. finally at the next pub the barkeep says yes we are a John Courage pub… and the guy says, fantastic, I’ll have a Guinness please.

It went from Barking to Tooting in just under an hour

He replied, “That’s an Ox, fam”

Last week he caught a huge sea creature in the river there and made it into sausage.

It was the beast of Thames. It was the wurst of Thames.

And he was a very talented guitarist, so good in fact that one day his friend the chicken turned to him and asked would he like to be in a band with him. The horse of course agreed he and the chicken who played the drums went looking for a singer and a bassist. They decided to approach the Sheep who was the best singer on the farm, the Sheep agreed and told them about how the Pig was a pretty good bass player so they all asked him to join the band and he agreed.

So The Barnyard Animals got to work practicing and rehearsing their little hearts out. They started playing open mic nights and gained some traction. After a few years they managed to get signed by a major record label and The Barnyard Animals became an international phenomenon. They toured in every country for the better part of a decade until they finally decided retire. The Horse decided to settle down in English countryside, the Chicken went to Australia, the Pig went to Japan and the Sheep went to New Zealand.

A few years later Gary Barlow contacts the Horse about getting The Barnyard Animals back together for a big charity Live Aid type concert in Wembley. The Horse contacts his band mates and they all agree. So the Pig, the Sheep and the Chicken all fly out to Singapore and get the same connection to London. But in a terrible turn of events the plane crashes and all The Barnyard Animals apart from the horse die in a fiery inferno.

The horse upon finding out that his oldest friends have all died goes into a deep depression. He locks himself in his house and tries to drink his pain away. A few weeks later when every bottle of anything that could be drank had been drunk. He puts on his hat and sunglasses so no one would be able to recognise him and heads to the closest pub. So the Horse walks into a bar and the barman says "Hey, why the long face?"

I've moved to London 2 years ago and he is still in Maryland. This was our google chat exchange just now:

Friend: Some days I miss you more than others. Today is one of those days :(

Me: awwwww... i miss you 100% every day

Friend: Is your aim that bad?

I was at the US embassy in London today to pickup an emergency passport to get back to the states. Later, when I was talking to some friends:

Friend: How expensive was the passport?

Me: Let's just say I got pounded.

My friend is having a daughter soon and has yet to come up with a name, so she made the mistake of asking for suggestions. I need help coming up with some great pun names to suggest to her. Some notes:

• Her last name is Bridges.

• As I said, it's a girl (so something like "London" is out).

• I've already thought of Madison and Brooklyn.

Any suggestions?