I can't believe I fell asleep at the wheel.

I'm not hurt, but my pottery is ruined

πŸ‘︎ 49
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dexter_Adams
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2020
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They are having a wheel problem at the station
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MerseySideAlt9
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2021
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The key to falling asleep quickly is to sleep at the edge of the bed.

You'll soon drop off.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/West_Yorkshire
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2021
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I was taught by my driving instructor to hold the steering wheel at 10 & 2 o clock

At other times i would just crash.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JiPaiHongGanLiao
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2021
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All the members of Greenday have fallen asleep

Remind me to wake them up when September ends

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OwenJthomas89
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2019
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To all the members of this subreddit, an open letter:

C

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/baltinerdist
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2021
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I have a list of friends who love palindromes!

Nell, Edna, Leon, Nedra, Anita, Rolf, Nora, Alice, Carol, Leo, Jane, Reed, Dena, Dale, Basil, Rae, Penny, Lana, Dave, Denny, Lena, Ida, Bernadette, Ben, Ray, Lila, Nina, Jo, Ira, Mara, Sara, Mario, Jan, Ina, Lily, Arne, Bette, Dan, Reba, Diane, Lynn, Ed, Eva, Dana, Lynne, Pearl, Isabel, Ada, Ned, Dee, Rena, Joel, Lora, Cecil, Aaron, Flora, Tina, Arden, Noel, and Ellen.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/icemage27
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2021
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I rode my bike so much, I had to put a new set of wheels on it. I was gonna put a third set on it, but the ole bike just couldn't do the job anymore.

Which is understandable. The bike was already retired.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Only1Skrybe
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2021
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What's it called when your wife falls asleep after she says she is the mood?

Master bait

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gamer4eto_BG
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2021
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The cast of β€œFriends” got stuck at sea in a boat, but thankfully nothing happened.

Because Lisa Kudrow.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2021
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Why was the church song leader so happy when a member of her congregation was killed in a car accident?

The deceased was an organ donor.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/stupidlyugly
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2021
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Nurse: Here is the list of heart, liver and kidney donors arranged in alphabetical order.

Doctor: Thank you. It is very organ-ized.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VeryLastBison
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2021
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The queen liked my girlfriend so much, she immediately made her an honorary member of the royal family...

She was really empressed!

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2021
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How did Landon Calrissian win the Millennium Falcon while playing Wheel of Fortune?

He had the Bespin.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2021
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Which member of the Addams Family loves dead memes?

It is Wednesday, my dudes.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/phillepips
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2021
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Did you hear about the fish that fell asleep in school?

He had a wet dream.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ekho_Bleue
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2021
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A lot of the jokes on this sub are just terrible, but at the end of the day...

It's night.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Aptom_4
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2021
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If I made a bot that spams every person who claims to be a member of the Pun Police with puns...

it would be a fully automatic machine pun.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/copenhagen_bram
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2021
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The invention of the wheel was no big deal.

It was the invention of the axel that really got things rolling.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/withouta3
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2021
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Friend of mine asked why I took a side job at the bakery

I told him I don’t knead the dough, but I do get a rise out of it

πŸ‘︎ 672
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πŸ‘€︎ u/troutslayer12
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2021
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How do the members of Blink-182 like to eat their hummus?

With naan-naan naan-naan naan-naan naan-naan-naan-naan!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2021
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Did you hear about the criminal who only steals wheels from police cars?

The cops are working tirelessly to catch him

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ“…︎ May 03 2021
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If your in the bottom bunk of a bunk bed and someone's asleep in the top bunk,

Does that mean you're under a rest?

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Br4ve_He4rt
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
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My wife asked me to put ketchup on the shopping list...

Now I can't read anything.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyfortaco
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2021
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Why did the student throw a 64 pack of Crayola crayons at his art teacher after he was done with his test?

He wanted to pass with flying colors.

I thought of that myself.

πŸ‘︎ 45
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πŸ‘€︎ u/stupidman44
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2021
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My wife started making art by putting paint on her wheels and driving them all over the canvas.

not to brag, but they all look like van Gogh's

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/skycooper11
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2021
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What do you say to a woman who has given birth to members of the military?

Thank you for your cervix.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/saxtrav
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2020
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What do you call a big, slowly spinning wheel made of iron?

A ferrous wheel.

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Eloste
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2021
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I bought a record at the charity shop the other day, "Sounds That Wasps Make". I took it home and it sounded nothing like Wasps.

That's when I realised I was playing the Bee side.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/redwolve378
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2021
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I can’t decide how to finish this wooden sign telling my parrot that she’s become a member of the Scottish aristocracy

Polyurethane?

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vantoch81
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2021
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Why would a member of The Muppets be arrested?

For Kermitting a crime

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JLGoodwin1990
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2021
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The benefits of beer listed in bullet pints:

🍺 Beer is more nutritious than other alcoholic drinks.

🍺 Beer can help protect your heart.

🍺 Beer helps prevent kidney stones.

🍺 Beer lowers bad cholesterol.

🍺 Beer strengthens your bones.

🍺 Beer helps reduce stress.

🍺 Beer may help improve memory.

🍺 Beer helps cognitive function.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2021
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At the end of the physics lecture, I asked my professor, β€œWhat happened before The Big Bang?”

He said, β€œSorry. There is no Time.”

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2021
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I've just made a list of the top 10 dad jokes I know. The first 9 are alright but the last one is absoutely briliant.
  1. alright
  2. alright
  3. alright
  4. alright
  5. alright
  6. alright
  7. alright
  8. alright
  9. alright
  10. absoutely briliant
πŸ‘︎ 51
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Skycam3014
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2021
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What happens when you take a photo of a car with a single wheel?

Nothing happens, You don't take a photo of anything with a wheel, you use a camera/mobile phone instead.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2021
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I am at the waiting room of the doctor’s office, wondering when my girlfriend’s checkup will be over.

Sitting at the Doc of the Bae, wasting time.

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2021
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My wife called me at work and said β€œit’s time, the baby is coming”

I said that’s impossible, Labor Day is in September!

(New dad of a 3 week old, trying to step into my new role)

πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Stairsmaster
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2021
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I have a plan for a new side-hustle. I’m gonna do personal training for members of the band that recorded β€˜Lola’ and β€˜You Really Got Me’. It’s a good plan...

I just have to work out a few Kinks.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/astrosmash77
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2021
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I like to listen to music as I fall asleep, so I tuned the radio to the Metal station

I've always been a heavy sleeper.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TarakZair
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2021
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What do you call someone who is incredibly good at estimating the weight of objects?

A masstermind

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/-KeyLime-
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2021
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The three members of the *cult*ery
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πŸ‘€︎ u/griefingnukeboy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
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When the elevator doors opened for me to enter, everyone was asleep inside...

Must be that Ambien music that they play

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2021
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my grandfather said this today on the dinner table and i was the only one that found it hilarious for no reason at all

G : what type of apples grow on trees ?

my dumbass : idk red and green ?

G : all of them do

wheezes

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/malikbefine
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2021
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Just started my new job as a security guard. The supervisor told me my job would be to watch the office at night.

I’m on season eight. Still not sure what this has to do with security.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FoldaHolda
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2021
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I fell asleep at the wheel once.

All my pottery was ruined :(

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lyd_Euh
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2015
🚨︎ report

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