"How much do pants at Walmart run?"

Asked by a co-worker who had torn his pants during his shift. I replied, "not much without legs in them." Then proceeded to get a high five from all the nearby fathers.

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👤︎ u/cawvavino
📅︎ Jan 18 2017
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Man dad-joked newspaper

Source - Pic Abridged version:

A man who dubbed himself Britain's biggest idiot after losing his wife after tattooing a comedy penis on his own leg is hoping to win back her heart by having it lasered off.

Hapless Stuart, 34, of Southsea, Hants, inked the six-and-a-half inch member on his left thigh, so the end pokes out of his boxer shorts.

"After I did it, my wife woke up in the morning screaming, because there was this massive penis poking out of the duvet. And the tattoo on my leg.

"It caused no end of rows, and she's now kicked me out of home. I deserve it, I suppose."

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👤︎ u/Retro21
📅︎ Sep 01 2015
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Got dad joked hard at work today

I was wearing shorts, and my jellyfish tattoo on my leg was showing. My friend and co-worker passes and says "nice tat! Did it sting when you got it?"

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👤︎ u/demevalos
📅︎ Apr 17 2014
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Kinda proud of this one

One of my co-workers was talking about the new vending machines at work. He said they have stuff like beef stew and tuna kits. I responded:

"Tuna kits? Can you use one of those if you get shot in the leg?"

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👤︎ u/capomatt
📅︎ Dec 06 2013
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