Last call return Puns

Last night I dreamt I was turning my handwriting into a custom font.

It started out normal with basic straight lines but by “Z” it had become a very ornate and filigreed design, reminiscent of the designs of monks in old bibles.

Someone watching me work then asked me what the font was called.

I responded: What’s a monk’s favourite font?

They shook their head and shrugged.

Me: MonastArial!

I started laughing but only received an exasperated sigh in return.

Me: Wait, I’ve got another one. How about GaraMonk? 🤣

Ahhhhnd I woke myself up because I was laughing so hard at my own joke and had to look up of Monastarial was a real word. It is.

It was called Eternity but I had to return because it didn't last forever.

The waiter walks over and gives him a glass of water.

The man, being dreadfully thirsty, drinks it all in one gulp. He them calls out to the waiter for another

"Excuse me for the trouble, but I'm terribly thirsty. Could I have another glass of water?"

The waiter returns and refills his glass. He turns away to serve another table, when a small cough comes from behind him.

"I'm so awfully sorry, but could I get another refill?"

The waiter of course obliges, and turns to wait the next table, when the same thing happens again.

Frustrated by the man, the waiter walks up and tells him

"Take a pitcher, it will last longer."

So I'm not a dad but I do have fatherly aspirations. I told this joke at a wedding for a friend of mine. All names have changed except the bride's last name- it's a big part of the joke. My buddy we'll call Bob Smith, and his bride is Jane Patton.

After the father of the bride gives his toast, and the best man does his, I grab the mike from the best man and begin. This is as verbatim as I can remember. So I intro myself and promise to keep my comment short and say,

"Bob, I just want to say you're a great friend of mine, like a brother, and one thing I love about you is you're always surprising me. Like today for instance, I didn't know you were an inventor. Lo and behold, you've got your name on a Patton!"

Chuckles, drowned out by groans. I apologize and return to my seat.