Lanterman–Petris–Short Act Puns

On March 14, 2008, Bear Sterns had just received a loan from JP Morgan that was supposed to halt their closure. It didn't, they still got fucked. Shittydel just did a samesies in getting a loan from Sequoia and Paradigm.

Now, my work brings me to manholes sometimes. Manholes are dangerous, they're deep, hard to access, hard to exit, and could be filled with poison gas.

Now, when you have a man down in a manhole, first thing you do is call the fire department and call for assistance from experts who know how to rescue someone from a confined space. The the thing you should NEVER DO, is jump in after to go retrieve the downed man no matter how badly you want to because if it's gas you'll go unconscious in seconds.

Sequoia and Paradigm just both jumped in when they saw Citadel lying flat on their face at the bottom of the manhole.

Wonderful, well take their money too.

I've gotten used to my height, i'm pretty big at about 6'1 or 6'2 so coming across a girl taller and that's ok with my asexuality (and possibly my greyromantic) is practically impossible...a short girl however-

https://www.cnn.com/2007/HEALTH/01/10/peri.menopause/

Hormonal changes certainly lead to behavioral changes, Brizendine says, offering a fascinating statistic: Contrary to conventional wisdom that men often dump their menopausal wives, government statistics show that after age 50, 65 percent of divorces are initiated by women. It may be bold, even reckless to reason that seismic hormonal shifts are breaking up marriages, but Brizendine suggests that as a woman's brain chemistry changes, she may, too -- and some of that has to do with oxytocin, that feel-good hormone women get from sex or a massage, cuddling a baby or simply hugging someone for a good 20 seconds. When her estrogen levels naturally decrease over time, so does a woman's oxytocin, and she may become less "we" focused and more "me" focused as a result.

"The estrogen and oxytocin that have been pumping through her brain for years have quieted down. Women just don't feel as much stimulation in their brain with their hormones to do the caretaking anymore."

"My post-menopausal period has been like starting all over again," says Dodson. "It's an opportunity to find your interests and pursue them, and not something to fear."

Brizendine couldn't agree more. She believes hormonal changes in the brain can make the late perimenopausal and menopausal years a very liberating time indeed, giving women the zest to focus on their own projects.

"I think our culture is so much of a youth culture we think, after age 50 it's all over. But if you actually talk with menopausal women, you find many are having the best time of their lives.

Hi all. I posted about my situation on here before but can't seem to log in to that username. I (BP, 39m) was in a relationship with WP (39f) who had done a variety of hurtful things in our 6 months together, including a few instances of lying, and after finding out another one two days ago I finally said it was over. For some reason I feel like it'll be helpful to tell other people about it today. Maybe I'm just looking for people to reinforce that I am seeing things clearly.

I'm sorry for this being so long-winded. My situation is pretty darn mild compared most of your situations. I almost feel bad for posting here but I'm hurting.

When we first got together she was in the habit of posting nude or semi-nude pics on twitter. She said it came from her previous partner neglecting her and a need for validation, but I also suspected that it had a sexual component. To be honest, I hated it. I told her I did not like it, that it hurt to see it, but that I'd try to work to find some common ground with her if she felt like it was something she wanted to keep doing. We agreed that she would always ask me before doing it, and that she would NEVER DM anyone directly. I was clear that I was not fully comfortable with it but was going to keep trying adjust to it.

The pics lessened over time. Then one evening she asked to post a single pic which would not be fully bottomless or topless. I said ok. Then I opened twitter moments later and saw multiple pictures, one of which was topless. I came over immediately, told her that I could not continue with her if this how things were going to be, and it was that night that she said she realized it was time to stop with the pics forever.

We were going along fairly well but I still had this lingering feeling that I could not fully trust her. Then one day she left her laptop up and had twitter open. I checked her DMs and saw that a day prior she had DMed pics to a guy. This was around the time that we said we loved one another and I did not know what to do. I stupidly buried it down inside and told myself I'd get a look at her phone at some point before we ever moved in with one another.

On Thanksgiving night we had a rough situation. I broke up with my ex earlier in the year, and she had spiraled out of control. I had told WP up front that I was going to occasionally talk her down when she was freaking out. Mainly I wanted to be able to keep my finger on the pulse because she was occasionally threatening me and WP, and I wa

My favorite thing about Bungie’s writing team is easily that after having seen all our Tower shenanigans, our strange, erratic jumps and crouches, they’ve worked that into the lore as canon Guardian behavior. These are the only examples I’ve been able to think of, but if you can remember any more, please let me know.

“Savin the Guardian showed a tremendous fondness for doing things; he had a pathologically task-oriented nature, which made him very useful to the Reef[...]And Savin was most of all greedy—not in the grasping manner of the petty, but in an enormous, all-consuming way, for he desired materials and experiences that would temper him into a better Guardian, and he was always experimenting with his strange powers in foolish ways that left him briefly dead, seeking "a new Super ability" or "some way to make my grenades faster."[...]He leapt into space, repeatedly and without reason, as if his death were no more traumatic than a hop off a curb. Obsessed with reward and efficiency, he would rather do one profitable thing a thousand times than waste his efforts on a less beneficial novelty.” -Savin

“Kamala Rior climbs onto a railing at the top of the Tower in the Last City. "Guardians of the Tower!" she calls out. A few look her way. One begins dancing at her feet. Others fool around with a purple ball[...]She goes on, "The Awoken are Humanity's shield. We entered the Reef Wars to prevent a Fallen coup here on Earth. We met Oryx head-on and endured immeasurable sacrifice, all in the name of a shared future." The dancing Guardian falls still. The purple ball is forgotten.” -Abide the Return

“Guardians dance a lot more than we do. ‘That's pretty much all they do, when I see them,’ says Park Soo-Yin, a maintenance worker in the Guardian headquarters. ‘Just dance. Sometimes in groups, sometimes all alone.’ ‘Sometimes they kind of dance 'at' each other, if you know what I mean,’ Vanguard technician Kweku Aglah confirms. ‘I feel like I'm watching the nature channel.’ “ -Electronica Shell

Doc with commenting capabilities here: link (~980 words).

A highly trained innkeeper struggles to balance her professional responsibilities with a personal problem of supernatural origin.

This is the setup/first act of a short story I'm working on. I appreciate any and all feedback, although the following aspects jump out to me as areas for critique:

• Success in achieving a lighthearted and enjoyable tone
• Ability to hook the reader
• Sufficient description of action and physical space without bogging things down

Thank you in advance!

I was travelling on a southwest train to Waterloo when I really needed to pee and was still about an hour away from my destination. So, I decided to risk it knowing that trains on the British rail network dont have the most sanitary toilets though I thought, as a man, I would be safe as I would not have to come into contact with anything in there and had my hand sanitiser at the ready.

My, oh my was I mistaken. I open the door to see a lake of stale urine and what I can only guess was a drunk's curry vomit (despite it only being 3pm).

I promptly turned around after tutting loudly and sat back down in my seat and getting in to full S.A.S mode planning out the covert operation of how to leave the train and get to the toilets in Waterloo in the least pre provoking way

Dear Mr. Loudermilk -

I want to let you know how very disappointed I am by your vote against The Short Sale Transparency and Market Fairness Act. As far as I can tell, you are the only Georgia representative to vote against this attempt to address the great corruption in the way our stock markets operate and I am baffled as to what your possible reasons could be. I know that the bill did pass the House and will probably not pass the Senate, but what could that matter to you? You had one chance to represent the so called "Retail Investors" of our country with your vote and you did not do it. This matters a great deal to me and I wanted to tell you so.

I am just one citizen and I am not a very political person. But I do have a great love of the United States and I believe that the big banks and hedge funds who have corrupted the way our stock markets are being run to such a disastrous degree will need to be reined in one day. It's a pity you have chosen to be against something which is so obviously needed. Anyway, i doubt if you will care very much about the concerns I've expressed here or even if you will ever read this far down into my message. You are a member of Congress and I am simply a citizen. But I want you to know if you do happen to read down this far that I will never forget your failure to act when the people needed you to do it. I will vote for anyone who runs against you and it will not matter very much to me which party that other candidate is from. I will also share my opinions with my family and friends who are also resident in your district and do my very best to persuade them to act the same way at the next election.

Regards,

XXXXXXXX

It's so baffling. On Sunday we had a huge blow up and she said very hurtful things, I let myself cry which I don't think I've ever done before to which she had no reaction, then I left and I messaged her on Monday saying that it's the last straw for me. We went back and forth and she said things like I'll move out, I'll sell the place, etc.

She called me yesterday SCREAMING because the freezer wasn't working, which somehow was my fault. I hung up on her.

And she calls me today as if everything is completely normal, offering to pick me up from the train station? (Turns out she was going to pick up a piece of furniture anyways nearby.) She acts normal in the car and seems confused I'm not responding.

It makes you feel like you're crazy, like you're overreacting, it makes you feel hopeful like maybe it was a mistake or you made it up. It's so destabilizing, it makes I hard to believe yourself. Most of all, it makes YOU the unfriendly asshole.

The scientist flipped the laboratory lightswitch, activating the cheaply installed florescent commercial lights that lit the cramped research space the scientist worked from. Folding his newspaper under his arm and bringing his coffee mug from his lips, he sat down and opened a grey, over-engineered, government-issued laptop computer. The alert indicator in the bottom right-hand corner of his access screen flashed with red alerts, built up over the days of the recent weekend, pinging with annoyingly artificial urgency. The scientist had gone on a camping trip with his girlfriend, that weekend. They fucked, several times (once, under the stars - not a wall or a soul within miles (probably - but, they didn't really care)), they casually experimented with hallucinogenics with some close friends, far away from stressors of modern society and, generally, forgot about work.

Despite accute Monday doldrums, the alerts inevitably drew the scientist's attention (the scientists had, shortly before, learned to communicate with some of the bacteria cultures they had been observing - these "alerts" were an active count of messages, yet replied to, from various bacteria cultures in various Petri dishes, kept in the lab for observation). "Sigh." As had come to be expected, 90% of the received messages were from a particular bacteria culture growing in a particular section of a particular Petri dish. Many of the bacterium in this petri dish had noticed the great eye observing them through the microscope lens, above them, and responded with typical reactionary hostility.

"I merely observe and take notes on your odd tendency to pursue self-destruction and perpetuate violence against the other bacteria cultures in your Petri dish and the lab, as a whole," the scientist would try to explain.

"How dare you judge me! This Petri dish is all there is, and you should be down here in it, with me! Our culture needs to beat these other ones, otherwise, it was all pointless! There is nothing out there, where you are! Everything is here, inside the walls of this Petri dish!" This particular strain of bacteria was uniquely obstinately opposed to even attempting to contemplate the potential existence of a bigger reality, outside their bubbled confines of the comfortable Petri dish walls.

The scientist looked up from the microscope, felt its heft, looked left and right, at the other scientists, also observing cultures, scientists he worked with and had drinks with at the loc

The following is some *preliminary* investigative work analyzing the top 20 campaign contributors for each of the Representatives (on the Financial Services Committee) who voted against the Short Sale Transparency and Market Fairness Act (H.R. 4618: https://www.govtrack.us/congress/bills/117/hr4618). The source for how each Rep on the Financial Services Committee voted: https://docs.house.gov/meetings/BA/BA00/20210728/113999/CRPT-117-BA00-Vote006-20210728.pdf

The proposed bill is GOOD for retail investors and aims to equal the playing field, something the powers-that-be want no part in. For this, I focused on campaign contributors that in my opinion benefit from the current unequal market structure that exists now. This only scrapes the surface and only deals with contributors to each Rep's Campaign Committee and not their Leadership PACs. I only looked at the Top 20 for each as this took a while as is. The following data comes from opensecrets.org which is a great resource to track political funding. This is by no means comprehensive and is for only the 2020 election cycle.

Sorry that some got out of order, but there was a lot of merging of images and it was time consuming as is.

For each screenshot, the columns are as follows:

https://preview.redd.it/8jmo13x6ose71.png?width=484&format=png&auto=webp&s=b61b58f9d786d5075d653015203eaaa725273cf9

Patrick McHenry

https://preview.redd.it/1kr7vezouse71.jpg?width=721&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=5fd90efc58aafdaa6d01d9d30648e308c85de848

As you can see, McHenry's top 20 campaign contributors are almost all big banks, hedge funds, and investment firms that all benefit from the current market structure. McHenry is also the ranking Republican member on the committee.

Ann Wagner

https://preview.redd.it/uzflt0vzuse71.jpg?width=672&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=31195041e60ae8dc326de96f67ab6f3591932327

Frank Lucas

https://preview.redd.it/4qgsda62qse71.jpg?width=750&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f1187392aaf8dcc75e6e26d8735dcd541f6666b5

Pete Sessions

https://preview.redd.it/28wak79cqse71.jpg?width=724&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=37eada027bf2ac49ec3aa35f6c677876b6feab57

Bill Posey

https://preview.redd.it/5wcon2dkqse71.jpg?width=745&format=pjpg&auto=webp&amp

Hello Apes and welcome to a special morning news report by APENEWS - Education, Entertainment, and Fun For Apes, By Apes.

On July 28th 2021, u/tuaturnsdaballova discovered over 1 million put options allegedly representing over 100 million shares of potential naked short positions hidden in what appears to be shell entities located in Brazil.

APENEWS features news, DD, entertainment, and stories from around our community that are submitted by YOU the Ape Viewer, so if you have anything you feel should be shared, post it in the WeAreAPE sub, and find us there.

Thank you to u/TuaTurnsdaballova for the Bloomberg Terminal shot and the post https://www.reddit.com/r/Superstonk/comments/otn94a/can_anyone_explain_the_over_one_million_put/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share

Thank you u/Criand for the amazing analysis of this post, which many missed in the comments https://www.reddit.com/r/Superstonk/comments/otn94a/can_anyone_explain_the_over_one_million_put/h6x2h7a/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=web2x&context=3

Check the House Financial Services Official Press Release regarding the passage of the Short Sale Transparency and Market Fairness Act: https://financialservices.house.gov/news/documentsingle.aspx?DocumentID=408262 (There are some other good things that passed, and haven't been discussed!)

Other Credits for tonight's broadcast go to:

u/artmagic95833 - Producer, Tip, Script writer, Fact checking

u/SeandTom87 - Producer, Fact checking

u/justkeeplaughing - Producer, Production Director, Script writer, Voice Over Artist - "Jackie Tetas"

u/GlassGoose4PSN - Producer, Script writer, Director of Broadcast, 3D Animator, Motion Capture, Voice Over Artist - "Diamon Haanz"

Stay Diamond, Superstars.

Edit: forgot to say that an idiot kicked me in the leg, like bruh we're on the second floor I can literally throw you out the window