Lakers–Clippers rivalry Puns

I really go balls to the Wahl

They’re cutting edge.

Shear size

The old one just didn’t cut it anymore

Solar powered clippers attached to a drone that I can program to do most of my landscaping.

It’s real Cutting Hedge Technology.

I went to the convenience store on my college campus because I needed to get some nail clippers. A girl I knew walked in and this exchange was had after we had started talking:

Me: The only good clippers they had were in this pack with this other body care stuff, do you want any of it?

Girl: Sure, but those are toenail clippers. There are some fingernail clippers over there (very small ones).

Me: I have very thick nails, so those won't cut it.

The look she gave me told me how close she was to groaning.

Edit: Spelling

Dad: Hey, put these back where you found them.

Me: Okay, toss 'em

Dad: tosses the clippers to the right, into the fireplace

Me: W-What the heck, Dad?!

Dad: You didn't say to toss them to you

http://www.reddit.com/r/malehairadvice/comments/27ru6x/pictures_of_hair_length_from_different_clipper/ci3wu6m?context=3

What do you call a rock band that hates nail clippers?

Nine-Inch Nails.

do they have a sibilants rivalry?

This all mainly involves my actions and thinking to myself.

So I'm cutting my nails with clippers, the clipping seem to travel at a pretty high velocity then cut.

anyway, at one moment I had the clippers facing away from me, meaning my nails were pointing at me. When I cut, the clipping flew up and hit me on the eyelid, felt very close to going in.

That's when I thought:

"Shit, I almost nailed myself in the eye"

I came back with a bic and a clipper and said "I could only find two of these, and I don't think they'll make a very large blanket".

My soccer inflicted ingrown toenail has been giving me serious grief, exasperated by an infection. Swollen, purple and painful, my wife told me I needed to buy an expensive set of nail scissors and clippers to trimming down the offending nail.

I replied with "For toepiary?"

I think i must have failed in the telling of my 'dadjoke'. She did NOT roll her eyes but actually laughed!

I guess the journey is long in this game.