A guy brings his friend to see his new lake house. When they get there, they see a goose on the front steps.

The friend says "hey, is he yours?"

The guy replies "yep, kept him after I found him alone by the lake. He can't communicate with any of the other birds."

His friend looked confused. "Is he mute?"

"No. I think he speaks porch geese."

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/just-going-with-it
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 21 2021
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My friend keeps asking me if Iโ€™ll help him build a dock behind his lake house, even though I keep telling him โ€œno.โ€

Honestly, Iโ€™m feeling a lot of pier pressure.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/tvkyle
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 01 2020
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The lake by my house was overpopulated with river otters that would bite and harass people. The local gov used explosives to fix the problem. They called it operation otter pop
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/imj23
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 15 2019
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My 3 year old son got the daycare lady with this one the other day while talking about spending the weekend with my parents at their lake house.

Daycare Lady: "does your Grandpa have a house on the lake?"

Son (with a serious face): "no his house is on the grass."

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ILikeLampz
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 04 2017
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I finally got to cash in on a joke today that Iโ€™ve been looking for a reason to use for years

Background: My family was at the lake today. The lake was a little choppy today so when we went on the boat we hit one really big wave where the front end of the boat came crashing down hard. My nephew (7) just happened to be sitting on a cup holder and it hurt his butt when we landed.

We got back to the house and my nephew said...

Nephew: my butt hurts. I think its broken.

Me: did I ever tell you about the time I broke my butt?

Nephew: no. Is it still broken?

Me: yeah. Thereโ€™s a big crack in it still.

He didnโ€™t get it. But all the other adults laughed/rolled their eyes. Stupid joke I know, but I donโ€™t care.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/LostPin
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 31 2020
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Piggybacked on the captain's dad joke.

Family and I went on a fancy boat tour of a local rich lake. The captain provided a running narrative over the intercom about the history of the houses, etc.

Captain: You'll notice all the piers look the same on the lake. There's no law governing that, everyone just agrees they should use the same color and materials. Some might call that "pier pressure."

Crowd: (groans)

Me: I think we need to dock him some points for that one...

Wife: (groans and pretends not to know me)

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/RiparianFruitarian
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 25 2015
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Halloween Puns

Why couldnโ€™t the witch have children? Her husband had a hallow weenie.


Which ghost is the best dancer? The Boogie Man!


Friend: What are you gonna be for halloween? Me: Drunk!


For Halloween Iโ€™m going to write โ€œLifeโ€ on a plain white T-shirt and hand out lemons to strangers


This Halloween, the only Candy Iโ€™m interersted in swings from a pole and has daddy issues


โ€œHalloweenโ€ = an excuse for girls to dress up like sluts.


Thank goodness for Halloween, all of a sudden, cobwebs in my house are decorations!


Iโ€™ll be your trick if youโ€™ll be my treat.


How do Rednecks celebrate Halloween? Pump kin!


When do ghouls and goblins cook their victims? On Fry Day


Whatโ€™s a monsters favorite desert? I-Scream!


What do you call a Halloween boner? Petrified wood


What do you call a dancing ghost? Polka-haunt-us


What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? A โ€œhollow-weenie!โ€


Did you hear about the wild party at the haunted house? The whole vibe was anything ghost (goes).


How do you write a book about halloween? With a ghostwriter.



Iโ€™m going to celebrate Halloween the same way I always doโ€ฆ by murdering a bunch of teens by the lake. Sincerely,


Two monsters went to a Halloween party. Suddenly one said to the other, โ€œA lady just rolled her eyes at me. What should I do?โ€ The other monster replied, โ€œBe a gentleman and roll them back to her.


The lesson of Halloween is that pretending to be something youโ€™re not will lead to a sweet reward.


I remember when Halloween was the scariest night of the year. Now, itโ€™s Election night.


I want to be something really scary for Halloween this year so Iโ€™m dressing up as a phone battery at 2%.


Why dident the skeleten go to the halloween party? Becuse he had no body to go with.


What did the bird say on Halloween? Trick or tweet!


What do Italianโ€™s eat on Halloween? Fettucinni Afraid-o (Ha ha ha)


Why canโ€™t the boy ghost have babies? A. Because he has a Hallo-weenie.


What do goblins and ghosts drink when theyโ€™re hot and thirsty on Halloween? A. Ghoul-aid!!!


What do ghosts eat for supper? Spooketi


What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house? Hope itโ€™s Halloween!!


What is the most important subject a witch learns in school? Spelling.

... keep reading on reddit โžก

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Punsville
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 27 2017
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Got the new kid at my job today.

Trying to explain what's around his house he says, "do you know Iona Lake?"

I reply with "No I did not, but good for you man."

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/carnageraiser
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 07 2016
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