L carrier Puns

A: One angry letter carrier.

Here's the background:

Before my wife and I were dating, but after we had officially met, I saw her at my regular pool hall one night. She was wearing some "worn in" jeans with all kinds of holes in the legs. At some point during the night, I approached her.

> Me: "Did you know that your jeans have holes in them?"

> Her: (confused) "Yeah..."

> Me: "Did you know that it's very distracting?"

I then walked away and proceeded to not talk to her at all the rest of the night and just let the idea simmer.

Fast forward 2.5 years >>>

We were married and expecting our first child. When we discovered she was pregnant, I thought it'd be a good idea to get our genomes checked out by 23andme to see if we were carriers of anything.

I was reading the results out to her and started with myself. I was fascinated by how perfectly I was described by the report. Almost every physical aspect was right on the money.

I then started reading her results. And it was a perfect match... for her sister. The results didn't describe my wife at all, but they did almost 100% match her (not a twin) sister. I chuckled to myself and looked at her.

> Me: Do you know what this means?

> Her: What?

> Me: Your genes have holes in them.

I consider this my crowning achievement in both dad jokes and overall pundom. I don't think I'll ever top that one.

They’re really good carriers

What do you call a "Can Opener" that doesn't works ?

-A "Can't Opener" !

Why are famous people so cool ?

-Because of their "Fans" !

Why did the man work in the barn his whole life ?

-Because it was a "Stable" carrier !

I hope you guys enjoyed !

They could be employed to float aerial advertising banners, but they would likely be porcine carriers.

A Navy Seal.

Credit to /u/Repulzz for their post.

I wasn't sure on the crossposting rules, but I really thought this joke was r/dadjokes material.

After the fireworks, we were gathering up our things to leave. She asked if her new turtle was OK. I picked up its little carrier, peered inside, and said, "It looks a little shell-shocked."

you cantaloupe!

Seriously though, this is a two-fer. I was putting a watermelon in a carrier box in the car, saying "There you go little guy, you'll be safe in your own box". My SO rolls her eyes and says 'stop it'.

I say, "What, I can't be melondramatic?"

Carrier Pidgin

My wife and I changed cell carriers, so we have new temporary numbers but when the caller ID comes up, both numbers my name because I set up the account. She called me today...

> Me: Oh my name comes up when you call on the caller id > > Her: You'll have to change that > > Me: Yeah I'll have to fix your faux number

(blank stare)

The whole family is together at the dinner table and my brother had just gotten a new cat. Instead of letting the cat get into trouble he opted to put it in the cat carrier while we ate. Sneaky little thing got out of it's carrier and my daughter blurts out, "Well the cat's out of the bag!" ^I'm ^so ^proud. ^^tear

Just saw this on facebook...

A woman in her eighties made the evening news because she was getting married for the fourth time. The following day she was being interviewed by a local TV station, and the commentator asked about what it felt to be married again at that age and would she share part of her previous experiences, since it seem quite unique the fact that her new husband was a ‘funeral director.’ After a short time to think, a smile came to her face and she proudly explained that she had first married a banker when she was in her twenties, in her forties she married a circus ring master, and in her sixties she married a pastor and now in her eighties, a funeral director. The amazed commentator asked her why she had married men with such diverse carriers. With a smile on her face she explained, ‘I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go.’