Kjartan Poskitt Puns

My 5 Questions (not covered by his FAQ):

1. How do you come up with all these jokes?! I remember laughing at one particular joke of yours intermittently, for a few days!
2. Will you ever write a book on calculus? I really wanted one when I was 9.
3. You say you like puzzle books. Have you ever heard of Thomas Snyder, and if so, what do you think of him? If not, he does great logic puzzles along with a number of other people on his blog.
4. Whom, if anyone, will you hand this job to when you retire?
5. Will you ever update your site to, among other things, make the images of a higher quality, or to take up more space on a newer monitor?

Public Contact Information:
Email: kjweb@kjartan.co.uk

Do your worst!

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

Pilot on me!!

They’re on standbi

Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.

This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.

If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.

Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.

What did 0 say to 8 ?

" Nice Belt "

So What did 3 say to 8 ?

" Hey, you two stop making out "

I won't be doing that today!

You take away their little brooms

This morning, my 4 year old daughter.

Daughter: I'm hungry

Me: nerves building, smile widening

Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.

She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.

Thank you all for listening.

There hasn't been a post all year!

It’s pronounced “Noel.”

After all his first name is No-vac

What, then, is Chinese rap?

Edit:

Notable mentions from the comments:

• Spanish/Swedish/Swiss/Serbian hits

• French/Finnish art

• Country/Canadian rap

• Chinese/Country/Canadian rock

• Turkish/Tunisian/Taiwanese rap

There hasn't been a single post this year!

(Happy 2022 from New Zealand)

Bob

So that I could frequently say, "I am going to walk 5 miles now."

Edit: My most popular post on Reddit! 😀 Thank you for the awards.

Just to clarify, 12345678

Me grabbing a soda from my (what I thought was) half full 12pk...

Notices there's only 2;

Me: "Awe man... This is a damn bird box!" Her: "What the hell does that mean?!" Me: (Pulls both cans out & shows them to her) "It's only got Toucans."

I'm not ashamed to admit the look on her face was glorious.

I was just sitting there doing nothing.

“BOOM”?!

"That's what they're fighting about."

Because his Visa didn’t work.

free

A happy Uncle.....

"Beauty, because beauty is in the eye of the bee-holder!"

Because the audience only responds in a low ha

I’d never seen him be 4.

Ice-olation.

She's only eleven and says she came up with that by herself. I'm so proud 😭😭😭

"No, it doesn't."

We couldn't afford a dog...