How do you catch a polar bear?

You cut a hole in the ice Line the hole with peas When the polar bear bends over to take a pea, Ya kick it in the icehole!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MikeHoncho303
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2021
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What’s the best way to trap a polar bear?

First drill a hole in the ice and line it with green peas. When the polar bear comes to take a pea, kick him in the icehole!

(Told to me by my dad at dinner this evening)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/megsie72
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2021
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How to catch a bear

First, dig a large hole and fill it with ashes.

Next, line the hole with green peas.

Then when the bear takes a pea, you kick him in the ash hole.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shartacuss
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2020
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How to Catch a Polar Bear: 1)Find a frozen lake 2)Dig a hole in the ice 3)Surround the hole with frozen peas 4)Hide nearby.

When the bear stops to take a pea, kick it in the ice hole!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/banditk77
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2020
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How to catch an elephant. A story by my dad which got me a walk to the Principal's office in 2nd grade

Rolling back 40 yrs or so, here's the story I told to my 2nd grade class.

To catch an elephant, you first need to go to the jungle where elephants are found. Then you cut down all the trees in a big circle, and dig a hole out. Put the trees in the hole and burn them down to ashes. Carefully line the edge of the hole with peas.

And when an Elephant comes to take a Pea, you kick him in the Ash-Hole!

Everyone about died. Hell, even the teacher and principal were laughing about it. Dad was amused. Mom was not.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheGoodLordsTaint
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2016
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I dare you to read this

What tree do you wipe your hands on? A palm tree!

I heard a scary math joke, but I’m 2^^2 to tell it!

Have you heard of that new movie, β€œConstipation”? Well it doesn’t matter, it never came out.

I hurt myself when I went to a theme park in florida. When I went to the doctor, he started wrapping up my left leg, but then I pointed at my right and said β€œNo, doc, it’s dis knee.”

Last night I got mugged by 6 dwarves. Not Happy.

When Queen Elizabeth farts, everyone in the room must pretend like nothing happened. Noble Gasses don’t cause reactions, after all.

What’s the difference between a seal and a sea lion? One electron.

What happens to nitrogen when the sun rises? It becomes Daytrogen!

I called the animal shelter today and said "I've found six kittens in a suitcase in the woods." They said "Are they moving?" I replied "I don't know, but that would explain the suitcase."

Why can’t you trust Atoms? Because they make up everything!

Why do nerds wear glasses? It helps with division.

Why should you tiptoe past the medicine cabinet? You don’t wanna wake the sleeping pills.

What twitches and is found at the bottom of the ocean? A nervous wreck!

What do you call a fat psychic? A four chin teller!

What do you call a 3 foot tall psychic on the run from the law? A small medium at large!

Help, I can’t stop reading books with female protagonists! I’m a heroine addict!

How did Sparticus react when he ate his wife for dinner? He was gladiator!

When does a joke become a dad joke? When the punchline becomes apparent!

19 and 20 got into a fight… 21.

My friend told me, β€œPeople who sell meat are disgusting!” So I said, β€œYeah, well people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer!”

How can turtles take photos of themselves? Shell-fie sticks!

What do you call a secret agent molecule? Bond… ionic bond. β€œTaken, not shared.” What did the dinosaur say to the other dinosaur? (Cut this part, but make a screeching noise)

How much does Santa’s sleigh cost? $0, it’s on the house.

If America switched from pounds to kilograms overnight there would be mass confusion.

I had a splinter once; it eventually got out of hand.

I’m going to go stand outside. If anyone asks, I’m outstanding.

Most people are shocked to find out how terrible an electrician I am!

What do mermaids wash their fins with? Tide What’s the coolest place to use the bathroom? The Lil Jon

Did you know that on average, people want three covers on their bed at all times? But that’s just a blanket statem

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kinjago
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2019
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I read an article about Eskimo hunting practices today

Their method for hunting polar bears was the most interesting. They would start a fire out on a deep snow bank, and essentially melt a hole in the snow. Once the hole was big enough they would stop feeding it firewood and let it burnout on its own. Once the fire had gone down and was nothing more than smoldering ashes with a little bit of smoke, they would line the edge of the fire pit with snow peas.

All they had to do from there is hide and wait. Once a bear caught scent of the smoke and starts to investigate, the bear would eventually start eating some of the peas. Then they sneak up behind it and kick it in the ash-hole.

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2020
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How do you catch a polar bear?

Polar bears in the wild will seek out holes in the ice in order to catch fish. So in order to catch a polar bear, you cut a good sized hole in the ice and to line the perimeter with sweet peas.

The bear will see the hole and come over to investigate. It will see the peas and become confused. This is your opportunity.

When the bear stops to take a pea, you jump out and kick it in the ice hole

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πŸ‘€︎ u/factoid_
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2019
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My grandad’s joke: How do you catch a polar bear?

You cut a hole in the ice over a frozen lake, and when the bear reaches in to grab a fish... You kick him in the Ice-Hole

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πŸ‘€︎ u/_n3Rd_
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2019
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How do you catch a polar bear?

First, you go to the grocery store and get a bunch of canned peas. Then, you brave the ice and snow and go to where the bear lives. Then, when he’s not watching, cut a big hole in the ice and carefully place the cans of peas around the edge. Finally, when the bear comes to take a pea, kick him in the ice hole ❄️

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kylieelaine3
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2019
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Wnat to know how to build an effective bear trap?

Go out in the woods and dig a large hole about 6 or 7 feet deep. Fill it with ashes and put peas around the outside of the it.

When a bear comes to take a pea, kick him in the ash hole.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KarmaChameleon306
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2019
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How do you catch a polarbear?

Go to the north pole, cut a hole in the ice. Put round peas around the hole. Hide behind a iceberg.

When the bear takes a pea kick him in the ice hole.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/joe2u2
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2019
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A joke my dad told me when I was little that I didn't get till I was grown for fathers day. How do you catch a polar bear

Cut a hole in the ice and surround it with peas. When the polar bear walks up to take a pee kick him in the ice hole.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ArdelLedbetter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2018
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Horse Puns

Funniest horse puns and jokes

A white horse walks into a pub and asks for a whisky. The landlord says: β€œHey, we’ve got a whisky named after you.” The horse replies: β€œWhat, George?”


A horse trudges slowly into a pub and orders a drink. β€œEvenin’” says the barman, β€œwhy the long face?”


A horse walks into a smart cocktail bar. The doorman says: β€œWait you can’t come in here without a tie.”The horse goes out to his car, looks in the boot and gets a set of jump leads, which he ties around his neck.He goes back in and says to the barman: β€œThis alright?” The barman says: β€œHmm, ok… but don’t be starting anything.”


A poorly-looking horse limps into a bar with a bandage round his head. He orders a glass of champagne, a vintage brandy and two pints of Guinness. He downs the lot and says to the barman: β€œI shouldn’t really be drinking this with what I’ve got?” β€œWhy, what have you got?” β€œAbout Β£2 and a carrot.”


Which side of a horse has more hair? The outside What’s a horse’s favourite TV show? Neighbours


A racehorse owner takes his horse to the vet. β€œWill I be able to race this horse again?,” he asks The vet replies: β€œOf course you will, and you’ll probably win!”


Did you hear about the depressed horse? He told a tale of whoa!


A dead horse walks into a bar and orders a whisky.

β€œI’m sorry, sir,” says the barman. β€œWe don’t serve spirits..


A talking horse walks into a bar and approaches the manager. β€œExcuse me, good sir,” the horse says, β€œare you hiring?” The manager looks the horse up and down and says, β€œSorry, pal. Why don’t you try the circus?” The horse nickers. β€œWhy would the circus need a bartender?”


Did you hear about the man who was hospitalized with six plastic horses inside him? The doctor described his condition as stable.


What did the horse say when it fell? β€œI’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!”


Q. What does it mean if you find a horseshoe? A. Some poor horse is walking around in his socks.


A man rode his horse to town on Friday. The next day he rode back on Friday. How is this possible? The horse’s name was Friday.


Why did the pony have to gargle? Because it was a little horse!


What did the horse say when it fell? I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!


What did the teacher say when the horse walked into the class? Why the long face?


What do you call a horse that lives next door? A neigh-bo

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Punsville
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2017
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My Dad's all time favorite joke

I've honestly heard him tell this over 100 times by now. My Dad always provokes people to ask him how to catch a bear and when he finally gets someone to ask he replies with "You dig a hole and fill it with ashes. Then put peas all around the hole. Then when the bear goes to take a pea you kick him in the ash-hole" (It sounds better when you say it out loud)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/danrom9431
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2013
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Spending lots of time with my dad cleaning up around my new farm house...

We've been burning a lot of junk wood and had a huge pile of ashes. (Works better when you imagine it spoken out loud)

Me: What am I supposed to do with all these ashes?

Dad: Use them to catch a bear!

Me: what?

Dad: Well, you dig a big hole and put all the ashes in the bottom. Then you line the hole with peas. When the bear reaches for the peas, you kick him in the ash hole!

I told him his dad jokes are getting better.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Metalhead2881
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2014
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How do you catch a polar bear?

You cut a hole in the ice and place a pea at the edge of the hole. Then you hide. When the polar bear stops to take a pea you kick it in the ice hole.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/trusti360
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2020
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How do you catch a polar bear?

First, you drill a hole in the ice then line it with peas. When the bear comes to take a pee, you kick him in the ice hole.

(My daughter's joke actually)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DeadpoolOptimus
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2020
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How Do You Catch A Polar Bear?

You cut a hole in the ice and line it with peas. When the bear goes out to take a pea you kick him in the ice hole.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/redditonaprayer
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2020
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Do you know how to catch a polar bear?

You start by cutting a hole in the ice. Then put peas all around it. When a bear walks up to take a pea, you kick it in the ice hole.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2020
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How to catch a polar bear!

Cut a hole in the ice and place peas around it. When the polar bear goes to take a pea, kick it in the ice hole.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Merritt0995
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2019
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Does anyone know how to catch a polar bear.

First cut a hole in the ice and throw some peas in it... then hide, when the polar bear comes to take a pea you kick him in the ice hole....

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πŸ‘€︎ u/briwike
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2019
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How do you trap a polar bear?
  1. Cut a large hole in some ice.
  2. Place some frozen peas around the hole.
  3. When the polar bear stops to take a pea, run up and kick him in the ice hole.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NavGunz4512
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2018
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How do you catch a polar bear?

Cut a hole in the ice. Put a line of peas around the hole. When a polar bear comes to take a pea you kick him in the icehole.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Adam_Cal
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2019
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How do you catch a polar bear?

Cut a big hole in the ice, and put peas around it. When the bear comes to take a pea, kick him in the ice hole.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hunterensign
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2018
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Do you know how to catch a polar bear?

Well first, you need a can of peas and a saw. Next, you take that saw and cut a big hole in the ice. Take that can of peas and put peas all around the hole and wait. When the bear comes to take a pea, you kick him in the ice hole.

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2019
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My Dad’s latest Christmas brunch joke: How do you catch a polar bear? You cut a hole in the ice and sprinkle some P’s around.

When the polar bear comes up to take a P, you kick him in the hole.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/susannahrose
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2017
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How To Catch A Polar Bear

First you cut a hole in the ice. Then you put black eyed peas around the hole. When the bear comes to take a pea you kick him in the ice hole.

My grandad told me that one when i was six.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mas1022
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2013
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How to catch a polar bear
  1. Dig a hole in the ice
  2. Put peas around the hole
  3. Wait until the polar bear goes to get a pea
  4. Go behind him and kick him in the ice hole
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πŸ‘€︎ u/alexbeltran43
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2017
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How do you catch a polar bear?

You make a hole in the ice and line it with peas. When the bear goes in to take a pea, you kick him in the ice hole.

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2013
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How To Catch A Polar Bear
  1. Cut a large hole in the ice.

  2. Place green peas around the hole at about 1 foot intervals.

  3. When the bear comes up to take a pea run up and kick him in the ice-hole.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Corn22
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2014
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How to catch a polar bear...

First find a frozen lake. Cut a hole in the ice large enough for a polar bear to fit in it. Take early peas and place them around the hole roughly 2 inches apart. Go hide. When a polar bear goes to take a pea... run up and kick him in the ice-hole!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fotter
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2014
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How to catch a polar bear.

First, go out on a frozen lake and cut a BIG hole in the ice. Then, take a few handfuls of peas and sprinkle them evenly around the hole. Finally, when a polar bear comes up to take a pea, run up behind him and kick him in the icehole.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MoOdYo
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2014
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I got this from my soc teacher. The most dad joke I can think of.

How do you catch a polar bear? First, dig a hole in the ice. Second surround it with peas. Then when the polar bear comes to take a pea, you kick him in the ice hole.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/user_mane
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2014
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