(Warning: Morbid dad joke) True Story -- My family were planning my mum's funeral. We always try to keep things light and try to stay positive, just as Mum would have it...
The funeral director was asking us what we think Mum should wear in her casket.
Mum always loved to wear sarongs (fabric wraps that go around the torso and drape downward a bit like a long skirt would), so my uncle suggested that she wear a sarong in there.
The funeral director looked a bit confused, as did some of our family members, to which my uncle added:
"What's sarong with that?"
I started laughing like an idiot. He was proud of it too. The funeral director was rather shocked. We assured her, and our more proper relatives, that Mum would've absolutely loved the joke (which is very true).
His delivery was perfect. I'll never forget the risk he took. We sometimes recall the moment as a way help cushion the blows of the grieving process.
--Edit--
I appreciate the condolences. I'm doing well and the worst is behind me and my family. But thanks :)
--Edit--
Massive thanks for all the awards and kind words. And the puns! Love 'em.
Just a moment ago, my hands began to convulse, my fingernails turned into sharp talons, my palms became thick, hairy, and tough. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath and the feeling went away
I just had two paws for a moment
People just keep saying, "Nothing rhymes with orange."
I keep telling them, "No it doesn't!"
Where does a person who’s having trouble breathing go to shop?
I keep seeing the same joke that it takes ten tickles to make an octopus laugh. Can we stop with the harassing of sea life and just...
Have you been drinking? I smell beer on your breath.
No, I’ve been eating frog legs. What you smell is the hops!
So you know Gandhi? Walked barefoot, tough feet. Fasted a lot, so he was weak. Prayed a lot, real spiritual. Unfortunately, suffered from bad breath.
In other words, he was a super-calloused fragile mystic suffering from halitosis.
Most people know 'SCUBA' is an acronym for Self Contained Underwater Breathing Apparatus, but did you know 'TUBA' is also an acronym?
Terrible Underwater Breathing Apparatus
I keep begging my wife to wear pretty dresses, but she just ignores me.
I guess she wears the pants in the relationship.
What do you call a weasel that has trouble breathing?
Hard to keep Track of stuff
If you need to keep warm just make fun of yourself 8 times...
Which bird is always out of breath?
In honor of Mother’s Day, I’d just like to say,
“thank you for your cervix.”
Why can't an otter breathe in his house?
Because there is no air in otter space.
My wife keeps telling me to stop pretending to be butter.
My gob just keeps going and going.
Any advice on something I can take?
My 11 y.o. son getting ready for school: Why do you always keep your snowman happy?
So he doesn't have a meltdown.
The world tongue-twister champion just got arrested.
I hear they're gonna give him a really tough sentence.
I always wanted to keep my wisdom teeth but I just went to the dentist and it looks like they're gonna have to be removed
To be honest this is pretty demolarizing
True story, just happened, proud of myself: Dog starts barking furiously out of nowhere. Come to the door to see she's startled a pair of guys from a roofing company who've come to fix a hole where squirrels are getting in.
"Sorry about her. Her specialty is also roofing."
Blank stares. My talents are so wasted without kids.
What keeps the ocean from leaking out?
The urge to sing “The Lion Sleeps Tonight” is always just a whim away...
A whim away, a whim away, a whim away
Just keep digging, just keep digging
My socially anxious friend just got a PhD in palindrome studies.
What happens when a giovanna runs out of breathe?
They become golden winded
Did you know SCUBA is an acronym for Self Contained Underwater Breathing Apparatus? Did you know “tuba” is also an acronym?
Terrible Underwater Breathing Apparatus
Edit: good lord, I didn’t know someone else posted this previously. I thought it was funny as heck and my kids rolled their eyes when I told it SO THERE.
My Father will be releasing a new brand of giant breath mints later this year. He said it will be named after his children!
Just started my new job as a security guard. The supervisor told me my job would be to watch the office at night.
I’m on season eight. Still not sure what this has to do with security.
A man bursts into his therapist's office and yells, "Doc, you gotta help me! I keep dreaming that I'm stuck inside a deck of cards!"
The therapist looks up from his paperwork, looks at the man, and says, "I'm busy at the moment, so I'll deal with you later."
Where did Noah keep a record of his bees?
There's so many bad puns on this sub' it's making me just feel numb, and don't talk about the math ones..
..they make me feel even number.
they just keep getting served all the time
I had to break up with this girl who just would not stop counting.
I wonder what she’s up to now.
I just found out the Mortal Kombat theme was based on something old
Bill Gates: Hey Melinda, can I keep the MS Office as part of the divorce settlement?
Melinda Gates: Bill, ...you have my Word.
My bedroom window is East facing so I bought black out curtains to keep the sunlight out.
The difference is like night and day.
My grandfather just walked into the room with a guy wearing skinny jeans and eating avocado toast.
I said, “Who is this guy?”
My grandfather: That’s my hip replacement.
Everyone keeps asking me that why am I such a pessimist all the time
I keep telling them that it's in my blood, be negative.
Where does frosty the snowman keep his money?
Nowhere! He has Snow pockets!
I just found out that the guy who stole my diary died yesterday.
My thoughts are with his family.
A lot of the jokes on this sub are just terrible, but at the end of the day...
SCUBA is an acronym for Self Contained Underwater Breathing Apparatus. What you may not know is that Tuba is also an acronym...
For Terrible Underwater Breathing Apparatus
The urge to sing "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" is always just a whim away
A whim away, a whim away, a whim away, a whim away
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