My best friend gave me this today because I'm obsessed with pigs & it is the best card I've ever gotten. reddit.com/gallery/lkaalp
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cadaverkitten94
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2021
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A policeman was interrogating 3 guys who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first guys a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The first guy answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!"

The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture I showed is his side profile."

Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second guy and asks him, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The second guy smiles, flips his hair and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!"

The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter with you two?!!? Of course only one eye and one ear are showing because it's a picture of his side profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with?"

Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third guy and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?

He quickly adds, "Think hard before giving me a stupid answer."

The third guy looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "The suspect wears contact lenses."

The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not.

"Well, that's an interesting answer. Wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I'll get back to you on that."

He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file on his computer and comes back with a beaming smile on his face.

"Wow! I can't believe it. It's TRUE! The suspect does, in fact, wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?"

"That's easy..." the third guy replied. "He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2021
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I admit it’s a repost, but this pun is just a sin... Please let me know if you get it!!!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/x000b
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2021
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This pun is so painful maybe that's why it's on a window pane
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2021
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I wrote an essay in highschool about lottery winners who ended up losing. Apparently I thought this was way funnier than it is.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RealSkylitPanda
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2021
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Thought this pun was original. It is not.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/somenerdnamedtom
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
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This is NOT a repost stop saying it is
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πŸ‘€︎ u/oliv071b
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
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The sky looked a bit foreboding this morning, so I asked Siri "Surely it's not going to rain today?" Siri replied "It is, and don't call me Shirley."

I must have left my phone in Airplane mode.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/klwill1192
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2021
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*This is a literal Dad Joke my father used to tell when I was a kid about 30 years ago. He's almost 80 now and it still makes him laugh.* - So, there was this man named James Fart. Everybody made fun of him since he was very young. "James Fart! James Fart" the bullies used to make him cry...

He came of age among this suffering and at 21 was finally able to legally change his name. He arrived at the government office where he presented himself:

-I'm James Fart and I want to legally change my name!

Of course they laughed at him (everybody did) but eventually they all settled and came around to the situation.

-Ok, so... your current name is.. Β·chucklesΒ· James Fart... I'm sorry, I just...

-I know, everybody has been laughing at my name since as long as I can remember.

After a long and tedious process, everything is ready.

-Very well, sorry for the delays but you know how hard this protocols are. The good news: you are no longer "James Fart", what name do you want instead?

-Charles Fart.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gone11gone11
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2020
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Sorry this is a day late, but I made a Christmas Puns advent calendar from QR codes and I wanted to share it with everyone. pdfhost.io/v/TQuSCzy.W_Ad…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Leron4551
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
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I know this is an old one, but my dad got me with this when I was a kid and I just used it on my son (he loved it): Why do they put walls around cemeteries?

Because people are dying to get in!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RicoCat
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2020
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It's my cake day and this is all I have
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sian_AM
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2020
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The lift is from a company named Schindler...so it’s Schindler’s Lift...is this set up as pun on the classic film Schindler’s List? My head is spinning
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jackaldo7
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2020
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Is it safe to assume this subreddits fav marvel character is The PUNisher
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AussieWizard
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
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And this is the way it ends
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πŸ‘€︎ u/luckytoothpick
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2020
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If anyone is alone this Christmas and has nobody to spend it with, please let me know..

I really need to borrow some chairs.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/the_houser
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
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This is not oc content it MAY be a re p o st
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2020
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My wife and I were having this huge argument as to whose turn it is to do laundry.

Finally, I threw in the towel.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2020
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This is my first comic so I hope it doesn't get ghosted
πŸ‘︎ 126
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pixel_bat
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2020
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I was driving with my dad when we passed a cemetery. My dad goes in a low, dark, creepy voice, "I know something about this cemetery that you don’t.” And I was like what is it? He continued, "The people living in this town can’t be buried here.” I was really confused so I asked why?

He rasped, "Cuz they’re still alive!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2020
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It’s my birthday today and no party is planned due to pandemic. And my daughter said this to cheer me up.

β€œYou will have your cake and eat it too.”

PS: this is the best gift I can get today.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shishir-nsane
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2020
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Since this is a β€œNana” tree (common name for Juniperus Procumens Green Mountain Juniper bonsai), it was suggested I have a β€œba”. Therefore, since the stock ticker for Boeing is BA, I bought a toy 787. That means there is now a β€œbanana” on the counter.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LaceyGayGuy
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2020
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Alright this is a pun isn’t it
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2020
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You might not like it, but this is what beak performance looks like...
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πŸ‘€︎ u/poven100
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2020
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I got my wife a copy of the Pixar movie Up when it came out a long time ago, but she dropped it while opening it. She dropped it so many times over the years that the box is very damaged and the disc is no longer playable. Her other movies are perfectly fine, but not this one.

She did not hold Up well.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mortalfloater
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2020
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If you see this car, ring the police. It is stollen.
πŸ‘︎ 138
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MisterEd_ak
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2019
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If you take this wrongly, is it a faux pas?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/orlanthi
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2020
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Should I keep this knife, or is it pointless? imgur.com/QtutVym
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dwigtus
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2019
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It is hard not to enter this pun.
πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2018
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This isn’t a dad joke but it kinda is

Everyday when I used to get off from school on a Friday my dad always says you’ve been good you don’t have to go to school tomorrow unless you want to and I hate it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/joe-mama-69-
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2020
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Sorry if this breaks the rules but, please cheer up my dad! He's a punctuation expert who is recovering from surgery. He just had half of his lower digestive system removed. It would really cheer him up if you could comment with his favorite punctuation mark:

;

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πŸ‘€︎ u/edhere
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2017
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Love it or hate it. This is a good pun
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MEMESTER_BOIIII
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2019
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I'm super proud of this one, no matter how lame it is. imgur.com/sjdHNxs
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2020
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The moment I learned that β€œphα»Ÿβ€ is actually pronounced β€œfuh,” I knew the time was ripe to write a Google review for my all-time favourite phở restaurant. (I guess this qualifies more as β€˜racy wordplay’ than it does β€˜punny’?)
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πŸ‘€︎ u/70M70M
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2020
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I'm not a dad, but I pulled this on my sister and achieved a groan. So here it is!

*Me entering my sister's room and see her studying.

Me: "What's up? Wanna play Halo?"

Sis: "I want to but I can't. My exams are coming."

Me: "Then don't open the door!"

Sis: *groans

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Chanzy94
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2020
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I wood say this is funny Abut I’ll leaf it up to you guys to decide.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dogsaretheanswer
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2018
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The headline writer for this article had waited years for this moment. Though it is rumoured his final idea came to him on the tube... bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england…
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2020
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Wife is cooking "Im going to add this sage sparingly, because it's fresh sage, and the recipie calls for dried, so I don't how much to use."

So you're saying you need some sage advice?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/department_g33k
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2017
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Pun war! The topic is food. If you have a pun comment it. I hope this will turnip good.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr_Potato12
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2019
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I was driving with my dad when we passed a cemetery. My dad goes in a low, dark, creepy voice, "I know something about this cemetery that you don’t.” And I was like what is it? He continued, "The people living in this town can’t be buried here.” I was really confused so I asked why?

He rasped, "Cuz they’re still alive!"

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2019
🚨︎ report

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