What do you call a bee that is from the United States
Was your waist the 16th president of the United States?
...cause those hips don’t lie
What do you say to The President Of The United States when he leaves abruptly?
BREAKING: The United States, after mistaking it for an Iranian submarine, has struck a utility submarine with an underwater torpedo that was en route to displace the shipping carrier blocking the Suez Canal, killing all 169 aboard
Donald Trump is currently organizing pigeons against the united states government.
Reflecting on Prince Philip death, I was chatting with the Mrs and I said, I know I’m getting a little older, but I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug.
She got up, unplugged my laptop and threw out my beer….
EDIT: Thanks for the kind awards... My first ever! ❤️
News broke today that due to salmonella concerns, there is a national recall on just about every type of onion in the united states...
To be honest, I'm not shedding any tears over it.
What do you call a detective dog's party held in the United Arab Emirates?
What did the Commanding General of the United States Army say after having his budget approved?
What state in the US drinks the smallest cans of soda?
TIL The 1st United States Volunteer Cavalry, one of three such regiments raised in 1898 for the Spanish–American War, had dogs to go with them...
The were The Ruff Riders.
The United States Postal Service got jokes
I went to a supermarket in the United Arab Emirates, but all the shelves were empty.
There was literally nothing Dubai.
The police just showed up at my house and arrested my bottle of water. They said he was wanted in 3 states...
Arkansas is the only state mentioned in the Bible.
“Noah walked out onto the ark and saw....”
Won an award for growing the biggest pickle in the state.
Not to brag, but yesterday i beat the state chess champion in less than five moves.
Finally my high school karate lessons came to some use.
Watt is the unit of power?
Today is Boxing Day in the UK, Canada, New Zealand, and Australia. Do you know when Boxing Day is celebrated in the United States?
In the United States, you’re American.
But in the bathroom, European.
Which branch of military is the most patriotic in the United States?
The Air Force, because they're US AF.
President Trump has announced a ban on all shredded cheese in the United States.
In doing so he promises to Make America Grate Again.
What's the difference between the United States and United Kingdom
What was the 16th president of the United States told before the dinner party?
Missouri has the most bordering states (8, tied with tennessee) out of any of the 50 United States of America. You know what they say, Missouri loves company.
What is the fastest growing city in the world?
Capital of Ireland
It's Dublin everyday
what do you call an air conditioning unit in the capital of the united states?
My friend tried to ride his horse from Maine to the Southwestern United States for a type of bean but was hit by an older Ford...
What is the longest name for a boy in the United States, but not in most other countries?
There will be point in the future when Canada will take over the world.
And then you will all be sorry.
The United States is a cancer.
Its birthday is July 4th.
Guys, today was my first day in the navy and I felt so lost!
He gave the toy horses a home in his ___
What can jump higher, the empire state building or a kangaroo
The kangaroo cause the empire state building can't jump
I hear the United States is well stocked for a bird-of-prey flu epidemic...
There are plenty of ill eagle drugs for just such emergency.
what kind of nap is illegal in 50 states and the district of columbia
My dad when we were talking about recent crime in the United States...
Dad: Hey did you hear a bout what happened in Texas the other day?
Me: No, what happened?
Dad: Well there was these kids standing on an overpass of the highway, and they were dangling a noose over the edge trying to distract drivers. After a while the noose gets lower and lower and ends up catching a guys hand hanging out of the window, and ripped it clean off.
Me: Holy Shit no way that happened?!
Dad: Yup! And guess what they charged the kid with?
Me: I have no idea.
Dad: Armed Robbery....
True story, just happened, proud of myself: Dog starts barking furiously out of nowhere. Come to the door to see she's startled a pair of guys from a roofing company who've come to fix a hole where squirrels are getting in.
"Sorry about her. Her specialty is also roofing."
Blank stares. My talents are so wasted without kids.
What's the opposite of Manchester United?
What was the 16th president of the United States told before a dinner party?
The police arrested water because it was wanted in three states
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