People don't believe me when I tell them I'm the lead singer in a Black Eyed Peas tribute band....

Well I am.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
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I recently found a round, black piece of plastic, with a hole in the middle and grooves on both sides. I picked it up and threw it. It flew for more than 300 yards.

I'm sure that must have been a record.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Whlightning
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2020
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Did you hear about the situation in which a black, 17 year old excavator robbed a small convenience store?

It was a minor minority minor miner notoriety.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dishwasherfetus
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2019
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The only two white actors in the Black Panther movie...

...are Martin Freeman, who played Bilbo Baggins, and Andy Serkis who played Gollum.

They’re the Tolkien white guys.

*Sent to my by a co-worker

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hensfan85
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2020
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Well, the new year is upon us and that means I have to stick spigots in all my red and black maple trees...

The task always saps my strength.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2020
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I was in a KFC in Prague, standing in line waiting to order my lunch when I noticed the beautiful girl wearing a black and white tiled apron who was giving the man in front of me a bucket of Buffalo wings..and then it dawned on me.

I was checking out a chequered Czech check-out chick who was checking out some chicken at the checkout.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/buggaboobooy
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2019
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My 6 year-old got me this morning listening to "Black Widow" in the car.

Him - Why is it called "Black Widow, Baby"?

Me - Because Black Widows are notorious for killing their husbands.

Him - It should be called "Black Bear Pirate"

Me - Why?

Him - Because they say "You should've known better than to mess with me honey."

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BigPapiC-Dog
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2014
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Why wasn't the man in black upset when the man in white got him fired?

Because it was juxtaposition.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/IceDalek
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2019
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Rumor has it Uranus has a black hole in the center of it.
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2019
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All of these posts about the black hole just keeps sucking me in!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ginger_Waves
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2019
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So I just heard that the two main characters from the previous Men In Black movies are going to have major parts in the upcoming sequel!

Laugh out loud, Jay Kay.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ImurderREALITY
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2019
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My sister in the US Navy broke her foot, and has to wear tennis shoes instead of boots, to properly heal. She said that they made her buy new black shoes, instead of her normal shoes. She said that it just seemed so petty to make her do that...

I told her that it sounded like a decision that came from a Petty Officer.

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2017
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What did the shower say to the rockstar in black and white makeup?

β€œHi Gene!”

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SappyNutria
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2018
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This guy’s walking home from work, really late, in the pitch black of night...

There isn’t another soul on the street.

Suddenly, from out of the gloom, comes an ominous bump...bump…bump.

He looks behind him and spots a furtive, shadowy thing coming down the street after him.

Unnerved, he picks up his pace, finally breaking into a panicked run.

He looks behind him again, and the shadow is closer.

Bump…bump…bump.

The glow of a streetlight illuminates the shadow momentarily, and, to the man’s horror, it is a coffin, bumping down the sidewalk.

He quickens his pace, running as fast as he can go, but the coffin only pursues more quickly.

BUMP…BUMP…BUMP!

He reaches his house, fumbles frantically for his keys, and slips in the door just as the coffin reaches his front steps.

He slams the door and leans against it, catching his breath.

Bump…bump…bump.

There is a moment’s silence, and the man wonders if he dares to breathe.

Suddenly…. Bump…bump…bump…Bump…

BUMP! BUMP!

BUMPBUMPBUMPCRAAAAASH!!!!

He rebounds away as the door breaks off its hinges.

Scrambling to his feet, he charges up the stairs, and the coffin races after.

BUMP BUMP BUMP BUMP!

Terrified, he backs into a corner and starts throwing everything within reach at the coffin β€” a handful of papers, a vase, a box of crackers, a lamp β€” but the coffin keeps coming!

BUMP BUMP BUMP BUMP BUMP INCHESFROMHISFACE, and nothing seems to slow it down!

His hands fall upon a bottle of cough syrup, and he throws that at the coffin, too!

The coffin stops.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2016
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I'm from Mississippi and I was the only black kid in my Calculus 2 class

Seems like Mississippi still has a problem with

( β€’_β€’)

( β€’_β€’)>βŒβ– -β– 

integration

(βŒβ– _β– )

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πŸ‘€︎ u/samus1225
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2018
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Sister's rambling on in the car, "I learned about the black market." Father says,

"Oh, really, and how much does black cost?"

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2015
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Went to the zoo with my family and my dad told us to check out the big bobcat in the black rhino pen....

http://i.imgur.com/vZKA4iG.jpg

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bigbob55
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2014
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